Wednesday, January 2,1980

The Herald and The Lantern

BEACHCOMBER BANTER sx,.

In 1980. you can bet the seashore won't be washed up. With gas due to hit $1.5C a gallon by Summer, long trips will look less attractive to the 48 million population of the East City Hall scuttlebutt is that beach fees for Wildwood will come up again, even though voters said "nix" last time ... The Senate voted bluefish "Jersey Jaws" the state fish. What happened to the striped bass? Folks proficient in clam shucking might have t a bright future as oyster shuckers in PORT NORRIS where there is an acute shortage. Some veteran shuckers earn as much as $50.00 a day. The season is from November to Mav Sign in RICHTERS KAWASAKI window: "You'll have to stop at gas stations more often than our cycles and mopeds. " GREEN CREEK antiques expert DAN DTMPERIO creates and designs Victqrian greeting cards and ornaments using decoupage (a French word meaning to paste up pictures and prints in any arty style.) They are sold in posh stores and his customers have included MITZI GAYNOR, HELEN HAYES. JUNE HAVOC and GYPSY ROSE LEE ...Oilmen weren’t built with silver derricks or gdd spoons in their mouths Tt was a chisel. There's a new expensive perfume called "Evening in Arabia." It smells like gasoline. With the price of gas ever soaring, don't be surprised to one day see it delivered in a Brinks truck. □’CONTINENTAL'S STEVE "MILKY' LAWLOR says: "TV is - getting so bad. kids arc doing their homework again " Ever hear the ex pression. "I'm as happy as a clam qt high tide?" It's an old JERSEY CAPE clam diggers' saying and one of many idioms peculiar to our state. A couple others are "As happy as a skunk in a whirlwind." and "As slow as a lame snail." ..A CREST oldtimer has an electronic pacemaker for his heart It works okay, but every time he sneezes his neighbor's garage door opens . . .Lots of military big shots retire to this area One retired admiral’s wife called him a "POST NAVAL DRIP" . The CREST'S AL TROPEA. son of the Pharmacist, has a dream job - he's skipper of a yacht for MR PROCTOR, of PROCTOR AND GAM BLE. the soap tycoons. He winters in KEY LARGO and summers on LAKE MICHIGAN Glenn is an extremely courteous teenager. He not only gave his seat on the bus to a lady, but also let her use his hair spray... There's a new hearing aid No wires, no batteries, or earpiece. Just a big sign that says: "Speak Up," For a hearing aid discount coupon, look for the ad of the CAPE MAY COUNTY HEARING AID CENTER. RIO GRANDE in this issue Bank teller we know doesn't like the new checht with colorful pictures on them. Last month, she almost cashed a post-

card.At class reunions you see the same old faces - plus a 16t of new teeth and hair ... It is so cold in GEORGIA that JIMMY'S farmhands are harvesting peanut brittle. . BOATYARD sign: Tf GOD meant for us to have fiberglass boats, why didn’t He make fiberglass trees?" A doctor's summer cottage in VILLAS is named "BEDSIDE MANOR," ..Don't expect to reach peaks of pleasure in January, because it’s not that kind of a month. In fact, shifting from December’s joy-upholste-red festivities to January's bleak, bill-cluttered days is a lot like stepping off a yacht to take over the stroke oar in a galley. Best way to approach January is to retreat from reality. Stretch out on a sofa and leaf through a seed catalog. Its pictures will be brightly promising, of a kifider season to come, and they'll happily ignore the work and weeds that always separate seeds from blooms. Remember when $20 worth of groceries wouldn't go into the trunk of your car? Now it fits the glove compartment!...The oil shortage is causing all sorts of difficulties for politicians who find that they can't FUEL all the people all the time . A CAPE MAY dowager is so rich that she fills her waterbed with gasoline. A CAPE MAY yacht club is moving across the inlet to the CREST side of Ocean Drive to ERIK KIRKEBERG's new marina-dockage area ... Folks complaining about FLORIDA prices. Rentals have jumped 25% and food prices are higher than here, despite their balmier climate! Dog sharks, once the bane of commercial fishermen, are now popular Brought ashore, they are filleted in the south and sold as whitefish ... 100 years ago your turkey would have cost 25 cents . .. The lobby of CAPE MAY'S CHRISTIAN ADMIRAL has been adorned for years with a beauty of a Yule tree trimmed with seashells Paper horns and gilded walnuts were popular Victorian tree trims ... It used to be sad duty for COAST GUARDSMEN who manned the isolated lightships far offshore at the holidays. Even SANTA CLAUS had trouble finding their lonely stations. WILDWOOD* COAST GUARD AUXILIARY used to distribute gifts to the lonely lads Santa couldn't resist asking one lonely Coast Guardsman what he missed most at the forlorn outpost. The lad stammered. "Temptation. Santa." One season, by error, the gifts included mistletoe - with not a woman in many watery miles' A bom loser was the guy who invested in an aluminum acorn farm after aluminum trees became popular! . AfterChristmas zip code Owe-Owe-Owe-Owe

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