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Passing the Bottle: Kids Who Drink-

(From Page 1) "As far as feelings, I don’t think — well, let’s say you might, with my inside feelings, I didn't have a family life. All I had were my friends. When they would turn against me it would hurt me a lot. If a friend disliked me it would really upset me I wanted them to accept me. I still want to be accepted. The only reason I did this I interview ] was for my mother. I don’t like to talk about this. I don’t like my past very much, you see. Everything comes back and my mind is like a war zone." WHEN THERE IS AN alcoholic in the family, the repercussions ’from their behavior can reverberate through whole generations. "I got married when I was 18 to get away from my family. I had a good job as a mechanic. The old guy begged me, pleaded with me, to come and help him with his roofing business. I quit my job and came to work for him. He said he would pay me a good salary, and I needed the money. But he started pumping me for information about my mother. He fired me two weeks later. I had no job, my old boss already hired someone new... "Things started to get-bad between me and my wife. We finally ended up getting a, divorce. I had two kids. My wife used them as weapons against me. She was strangling me with child payments and turning them against me. I never touched her no matter what she did to me... "THE VERY FIRST time I hit her was after we were divorced. She had a boyfriend over and she was trying to get my kids to^call him daddy. It seemed like she was using him to manipulate them against me. Like I said, when someone turns against me that I really care about, it hurts me very much. "When I hit her I lost control I felt bad about it. I smaked her and broke her nose I just lost control That was the first time I lost it sin<?e the old guy. Him — I hit with aS, baseball bat." This example of a child being abused by j

parents do not seem to see." FOR MANY CHILDREN with alcoholic tendencies. Alcoholics Anonymous has become their shelter. During the AA session the group shares their experiences with addiction — basing its philosophy on 12 principles: 1. The alcoholic first admits that he has a drinking problem and js unable to live normally. 2. Then he must believe that a power exists that can restore health. 3 He must decide to put himself in the hands of that power 4. A self-inventory is made. 5. That drinking is wrong is admitted. 6. He prepares himself to give up drinking 7. He reaches out to the power for help. 8. A list of all the pdople that,he may have harmed during the period of addiction is made, and he vows to make ammends. 9 Ammends are ipade. 10. Self-inventory continues. 11 Through prayer or meditation, he tries to improve contact with the power the, alcoholic has placed himself under 12. He tries to show the path of sobriety to other alcoholics. ALTHOUGH AA is a very effective freatment, for those children that are cross-addicts. Narcotics Anonnymous sometimes offer a more comfortable atmosphere. This group works under the principles as AA but is geared to those that have a narcotic addiction in addition to a drinking problem. Another program available to the alcohol abuser is the Junction Treatment Program in Wildwood or Ocean City. "The residential program we offer usually lasts between 28 and 60 days," explains Reinbold. "The children enter the program either voluntarily or by legal process. But the treatment is not complete after the time spent in the center. The teenager has got to learn all over again how to relate to society in a more acceptable, productive way This can’t be done I in the treatment center; it has to be learn- 1 ed on the streets. We can’t cure evervone.

“Last month 1 sa W22 cross-addicts between the ages 14 and 19”

an alcoholic and striking back isn’t uncommon. With Cape May County having twice the state-wide average of alcoholics, the scenario is probably more commonplace than one might think/ DAVE AND SHIRLEY GREENE, sponsors of the Avalon Ala-Teen program, see children from alcoholic households each week. "The program is just starting, but we are growing each week. We've Jiad children call that want to come bilf are unable. Either they don't have a ride or their parents won't let them. "It is very common for these children to have a reversed role image — a parental image. The alcoholic parents very often depend upon the children to perform the duties they themselves should be performing." So in some cases the child cooks breakfast, dresses, sends himself off to school and then will even hold down a job after school to bring home food so there is something to eat. It is a total role reversal. BUT WHAT ABOUT the child who imitates the alcoholic parents? One of the most unfortunate results of the high rate of alcoholism in Cape May County is that the alcoholic parent’s lifestyle is passed down to the children. The number of children that abuse drugs and alcohol in the area is phenomenal Marjorie Reinbold, senior drug abuse aide at the Ocean City office of Junction Treatment Center, estimates she councels , between 200-300 children a year who have alcohol or drug problems "I don’t see many exclusive drug abusers or exclusive alcohol abusers Most children that I counsel are cross-addicts," comments Reinbold "LAST MONTH I SAW 22 youths between the ages 14 and 19. Right now there are more girls in treatment than boys but that runs in cycles. "The chronic addict’s philosophy is / don't carp That covers everything — work, school, themselves or anybody else. Every single alcohol and narcotic addict that 1 counsel suffers from anxiety, paranoia, insecurity and acute, agonizing loneliness. Their whole social structure is oriented towards a drug culture They don't know anything other than this drugdependence social structure "Many times the parents are responsible for the child’s drinking. They feel Well my child is just drinking, so he is not using other drugs. This is a fallacy that the

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but we do provide a different view of what it means to drink heavily — and that is that it is an addiction." MARJORIE REINBOI.D'S husband , Dave is a screener and counselor for the , Alcohol Counter Measure Program of the | Division of Motor Vehicles, He believes the problem of alcohol and drug addiction is j enhanced by the social, political and legal | climate in the county. "The police give a warning rather than ^ arrest the abuser. The cops think they are doing the kids a favor. Instead of arresting them, they let them go. They often know the parents of the children and don't want to bring further embarassment upon the family. Marjorie interjects; "What we are faced with is a very ingrown society in the county. There are very strong defenses and protective mechanisims built up around the problem. There is a gross lack of understanding about alcoholism.” Dave adds: "The freeholders don't want a program even though there is a need for it They don’t want to provide the money even though we are double the state wide average in alcoholism." ANY CHILD WHO comes from an alcoholic family but lives a well adjusted life is lucky. Little Terry, the mechanic’s ll-year-old brother, escaped most of the pain that his older brother had to undergo, but was still trapped in the lailend of a family broken by alcoholism "One time my dad took me to a bowling alley and fell asleep on me I was afraid he’d hit me. He hit me once in the chest very hard.. "Once when I hurt my ankle after he pushed me up on to the curb I started crying. He called me a sissy I am glad I’m with my mom. I go dirt biking with my new dad. I go over to my friend’s house and go the beach, I won't drink In my opinion ‘everyone should not drink, but it is up to everyone to make their own decision " Fortunately for Terry, his mother reformed her alcoholic tendencies and became a loving strong parent who cares for him Many children from alcoholic parents aren't as lucky. The families just split apart at the seams and are never repaired The final part of this series on alcoholism in Cape May County takes a look at the law. and reaches a conclusion on the outlook for meaningful action against the problem of excessive drinking.

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