opinion

Our Readers Write Ban Seniors on Saturday?

To The Editor: The time has come. I believe, to address a situation that has been going on for as long as I can remember "Senior Citizens" I truly love the Gray Panthers and hope to one day join their ranks and enjoy the free time of retirement Free time: that is the key to the situation Saturday. March 16. was the day that broke the back of this proverbial middle aged camel. It started with my first stop at the bank They were filling the lines to the tellers' windows. They were in line again in the post office Their cars were filling up at the gas pump too Next, several of them were occupying chairs waiting for the barber My next stop was at the dry cleaners and then the hardware store That's right — more Senior Citizens. FINALLY, I reached the supermarket That was the final straw that broke this camel's back. Three seniors were blocking the entrance They had carts and were discussing their newest grandchildren Fighting through to the produce section. I took note of a middle-aged daughter who was explaining to her mother that the sign (4 inch lettering) said potatoes were on sale, not pineapples The mother kept telling her daughter to pick out a ripe one The daughter was very patient She kept explaining to her mother. "No. not pineapples, potatoes are on sale " Of course, during this exchange, no other customers could get to the potatoes The rest of the aisle cruising was uneventful Upon reaching the checkout counter. I thought I would get out of the store without further "senior syndrome." But I was wrong The senior in front of me had a manufacturer's coupon for batteries The only problem was he had batteries More letters on following page. made by a different manufacturer It took the clerk a few minutes to convince him that he could not use a Duracell coupon for Eveready Batteries When he was finally convinced. the line of people (myself included) had to wait several more minutes while he went back to obtain the correct brand I WON'T EVEN mention how they act when they are pedestrians. Or the Senior Citizen who smashed in the side of my Honda coming out of the Acme parking lot while turning without looking He then had the temerity to die ( from natural causes) two weeks later without reporting the accident to his insurance company And incidentally, he lived in Fishing Creek but had PennThree Seats to Fill To The Editor Avalon has a very important election that will take place on May 14 There are three seats to be filled We have two very capable councilmen who will retire in June It is extremely urgent that we elect their caliber of dedica tion to Avalon at this time I recommend highly the experience of Dan Hildreth who has municipal experience as well as a background as an accountant. Joe Delvescio is an excellent candidate with his past work in planning and zoning. Avalon 's interest is well represented by his voice in the Chamber of Commerce The third recommendation is the excellent choice of Charles Curtis who brings 40 years of expertise in the field of engineering We in Avalon will be well represented by their ability and dedication to the future of our town VINCENT E TRAINER Avalon Herald Lantern Joseph R. Zelnik Editor Bonnie Reina General Manager Gary L. Rudy Advertising Director John Dunwoody Special Promotions Director Darrell Kopp Publisher Seawave Corp 1984 All rights reserved All property rights for the of this publication shall be the property of the Seawave Corp No part hereof may be reproduced without DEADLINES News & Photos Thursday Advertising Friday — 3 P.M. Classified Advertising Friday — 3 P.M. 465-5055 For News or Advertising Information Neither participating advertisers nor the publishers of the HERALD AND LANTERN will be responsible or liable for misinformation typographical errors etc in any issues. The editor reserves the right to edit Herald Published every wednesday by the seawave corporation PO Box 430 Cape May Court house NJ 08210

sylvania plates and Pennsylvania insurance (there's another issue for you to delve into some time). It took me it six months to get my car repaired by his insurance company. There is a point to this diatribe. With all their free time, why in God's name are they out on Saturdays, when the working people, most of whom have only that day. must do their errands On a few rare occasions when I have had a day off in midit week I found the roads, malls, banks, shops, mar kets, etc empty I guess they all go to Bingo during the week What do the Senior Citizens do on Monday. Tuesday. Wednesday. Thursday and Friday afternoons (and mornings)? Why do they wait for Saturdays to turn out enmasse? All I know is that when I retire, you will not find me anywhere near the insanity of shopping on Saturday, an obsession that is held in common by vast numbers of today's Senior Citizens. THOMAS C. DIXON North Cape May

"I won't mention Afghanistan if you don't mention Nicaragua!"

A Tribal Rite by the Old Folks

By TOM PORCH I have a confession to make I am not from Philadelphia That's right. I am the only retired person at the Jersey shore who is not originally from Philadelphia What's worse. I was born right here in South Jersey, but. after all, a person can't help where he was born, right? Oh. I try to "fit in" with my Philly friends: I say "caawfee" instead of coffee; I blame Mayor Raffa for everything: and I even pretend that scrapple is edible food. But the one custom of theirs that really fascinates me is the Continental. "What." you might ask. "is the Continental?" Answer The Continental is a dance, a tribal rite performed by women to repudiate male dominance Question. "Where did it get it's name?" Answer: Some say that it is named after Frank Rizzo's car, but the Kensington Historical Society says that the Continental's origins are buried in antiquity. QUESTION : "HAVE YOU EVER seen the Continental?" Answer: Yes, at a recent party we held — The grouchyOld Folks of Sea Isle City Spring Fling Muscatel Wine tasting and Ortleib-On-Draft Bash. Let me describe the Continental as I saw it: About 45 minutes after the Otleib keg was tapped, all of the wives at the party started trooping in and out of the lady's room I think I know why - they had a bathroom scale in there and they were being weighed in to see who could qualify to dance the Continental (a woman must weigh over 220 pounds to be eligible). A lots of them, of course, were disappointed and returned to their tables The Chosen walked out on the dance floor They formed a chorus line, looking very much like the Rockettes wearing inflated rubber space-suits The band swung into a Mummer's tune and the dance began It was a very solemn ceremony Some of the dancer's faces

seemed to say : I-Am-Woman. while others seemed to say : The-Hell-With-Girdles-And-Carrot-Sticks. I THOUGHT.to myself, woe-betide the mere man who dares to try to join in the Continental. A little guy who had been hanging around the muscatel area actually did come out on the floor and try to join in. Boy! was he "woe-betided!" He received a savage backhand that sent him spinning across the room. He finally wound up with his head entombed in the macroni salad. I walked to the back of the room and sat at an empty table and worried. About insurance Specifically, about the newly enacted New Jersey Host Liability Law Under the Host Liability Law. when a drunk crashes into something on his way home from a party he receives a ride home in a police car, a pat on the back and a couple of good cigars. The people who gave the party get their buns sued off I HAD TO KNOW if our club was covered for Host Liability Spotting Don Disclaimer, our insurance adviser, hanging over the rail in front of the bandstand. I hurried over to join him. I shouted, how about Host Liability? "No way." Don snarled. "I requested "Margie" and that's what the band is going to play!" Don gave an explosive emphasis to the word "play" that showered my shirt-front with half-chewed Fritos and at the same time gummed up the keys on a nearby saxophone I made a mental note to replace Don as our insurance adviser. I had my eye on a couple of other members who. like Don. wore bow ties and suede shoes. They must be ex-insurance salesmen too. I reasoned The Continental came to an end, and it was interesting to see the participants changing back into their own true selves — just nice, typical housewives enjoying a party — laughing, joking and interrupting everything their husbands were trying to say.

Hint: No Moustache Find Columnist Zelnik By JOE ZELNIK con tributor who'd never stopped to she when she fainted She Haired guy Haven State football jersey. When she came around, she said, "I thought you had black hair and a moustache?" This brought home me the fact that have belatedly celebrate April Fool's Day and the debut of the Cape Dispatch, my photo appears among others at the right. And to make all this more interesting, the person who, via card or letter, identifies the most photos correctly a prize. In case of a tie, a sole be chosen