18 Herald - Lantern - Dispatch 19 June '85

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Ends Tour On Pacific VILLAS — Navy Seaman Dennis W. Caples. son of Eleanor S Caples of 229 Pennsylvania Ave., recently returned from a sevenmonth Western Pacific deployment aboard the guided missile destroyer USS BUCHANAN, homeported in San Diego. While deployed, the Buchanan participated in several exercises which included: FLEETEX; BATTLE WEEK; SEA SIAM with the Royal Thai Navy; and FLYING FISH with the Royal Australian Navy and the Royal Canadian Defense Force. Port visits were made in Hong Kong; Subic Bay. Manilla. and Cebu City, Republic of the Philippines; Pattaya Beach and Sattahip, Thailand; Rabaul. New Guinea; Sydney and Brisbane. Australia A 1977 graduate of Lower Cape May Regional High School. Erma. Caples joined the Navy in August 1981

— Notes from T^zz — Seaside Goat, N.J. /"* ^ — ^ OwenMu^ph) I * " r r r i >M I

(Although the community of Seaside Goat cannot be found on any map. Murphy assures us that it does, in fact, exist for those with eyes to see). The monthly meeting of the Seaside Goat Board of Education was held at Huggermuggers Pub on Thursday night, and drew a larger turnout than usual. Chairing the meeting was Dr. Cedrick Foolfarm. superintendent of Schools. Vulpine T. Smirk, principal of the high school, looked tan and healthy after his two-week stay at Betty Ford's Retreat in California. His Vice-Principal, Boris Bizzywurk, ran the school while Vulpine was away. Middle-School Principal, Shapley Shipout, Elementary School Principal, Hewlitt "Hew" Sintaxy, and Vocational School Principal. Moses « iiiiLijjdi, JTIUSCS

Meedy-Oaker. were also in attendance. Vice-Superintendent Vince Kabbl-Row ser. Ph.D. reported that the district has purchased 16 Doberman-Pinschers that have been specifically trained to smell out concealed drugs. Four dogs will be assigned to each school, and the Dobermans will roam the halls freely during school hours. Dr. Rabbl-Rowser. Ph.D. said the dogs will be muzzled or unmuzzled depending on the student's conduct that day. Dr. Foolfarm added that the Dobermans, together with the stripsearches conducted on each student each day. are expected to cut down on illegal drug use in the schools. PHIL S. STEIN, social studies teacher and curriculum chairman at Alden P. Strump High School, informed the board meeting that a new series of texts has been selected for the Low Level American History Course. Slein said the course is a response to the demands of the many non-readers among the high school's student body The texts — published by Golden Rooks of New York I City — are entitled. "The I Dick. Jane & Spot American History Series." The texLs employ a 50-word vocabulary, and rely heavily on drawings and photographs A package of J crayolas comes with each text to color the gatefold Stein proudly read a passage from the sample Civil War text. "Dick. Jane. & Spot Go To Gettysburg." "Look Dick!" said Jane. "See the men!" "Yes" said Dick. "Some wear blue, and some wear grey!" "Look at Spot!" said Jane. "He is a bad doggy!!" "Yes" said Dick. "Spot is biting General Lee!" Stein then held up the gatefold which showed a bemused General Lee looking down at the little dog tugging at his pants leg while Dick and Jane looked on. When he finished reading the 15-page book, there was an audible murmur of approval in the room. "That'll teach the little buggers something," I said Principal Smirk.

MEEDY-OAKER. PRINCIPAL of the Vocational School, told the board that no pregnancies have been reported in the last 72 hours, although he cautioned that a weekend is coming up. Meedy-Oaker distributed a written report to the board that told of a high school in Texas where all of the male students were forced to undergo a new kind of vasectomy. When the boys graduate — if they graduate — the operation is reversed. Chairman Jack Daws responded that this approach sounded promising, and that the board would look into it. Principal Meedy-Oaker stated that the two most popular vocational courses continue to be. Fast Food French Fry Cookery," and "Making Lawn Furniture From Empty Beery Cans." He lamented the declining enrollment at "VocaBoca," and was consoled by members of the board. Dr. Foolfarm, superintendent of Schools, closed the meeting with this statement; "In conclusion, let it be said plainly that the objectives demonstrated by the Seaside Goat standardized educationist resources are addressed to the indentifiable needs according to universal minimum competence achievement testing for the measured participation of holistic teaching practices from various perspectives, not only for linkage, resourcing, networking, and succint matrix centerboarding. but impacting and facilitating the crosscultural dynamics of intrauterine flow charts. Furthermore, the unschematized clarification pardigm is an attempt to trans-fisualize a viable support mechanism to buttress paranoid states of traumatic repression, compounded by interface fixations and psycho-neurotic symptomanias whose taxonomy causes catatonically diversified tendencies among the students " Dr. Foolfarm sat down to a warm round of applause, and the meeting was adjourned Next week I'll have a report on the growing controversy at Shureky II Memorial Hospital. Till we meet again here, y'all take care!

fm' GRADUATED — Stephanie Paulson of Berwyn. Pa., and Stone Harbor, was graduated recently from Delaware County Christian School, Newtown Square. Pa. She is the daughter of Mr. and Mrs. David Paulson and granddaughter of Mr. and Mrs. Andrew Woolery. Earns Her Master's WILDWOOD CREST - At Boston University's School of Medicine recent commencement exercises, Priscilla A. 'Bright, daughter of local resident Virginia Bright and the late Ward H. Bright, received a master's degree in public health. Ms. Bright, a consultant in nutrition and disease prevention, is a graduate of the George School, and received her bachelor's degree at the College of the Atlantic, Bar Harbor, Me. trflPim -ajpejT BOOKS FOR f EVERYONE ^ CURRENT BOOKS CHILDREN'S BOOKS SPECIAL ORDERS WE MAIL BOOKS 215 96th Street Stone Harbor. NJ 08247 (609) 368-3477

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