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Joseph R. Zelnik Bonnie Reina Gary L. Rudy John Dunwoody Darrell Kopp

Editor General Manager Advertising Director Special Promotions Director Publisher

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Traffic Ticket Dissuades 150 There is an old, and very true, saying that you never get a second chance to make a first impression. Such was the case with Cape May the week before last during my first, and last, visit, thanks to an overzealous police officer I had disembarked the Lewes-Cape May Ferry at 4:13 and by 4:36 had managed to drive to town; stop for information. and receive a ticket for overtime parking. The ticketing officer seemed totally uninterested in the fact that I had merely stopped for information, having left and returned to my car within two to three minutes, a fact he could have easily verified had he been so inclined. PERHAPS IT IS UNFAIR to put the entire onus on the ticketing officer He was no doubt only doing what he had been directed to do Judging from your news notes appearing under the byline of Jack Smyth on June 5. Police Chief Stotz appeared pleased to report an increase in meter revenue for May of 1985 as compared to May of 1984 Obviously, like many small towns, revenue received Irom parking meters in Cape May has superseded the original purpose of assuring parking space turnover. Incidently. it did not improve my feelings toward your city when the officer informed me that the car in front of mine belonged to a store owner who in effect had special permission from the borough manager to park illegally In all fairness. I'm sure he was not directed to say this MARKETING professionals suggest that if a person din's not like something he or she will tell about 250 others over a two-year period. I figure I reached half of my peo pie during the first week, many of them before I even left Cape May Among the locals were the secretary of your Chamber of Commerce who along with the Welcome Center Staff, the motel manager where I stayed and the waitress where I ate dinner said my complaint was a common one and followed this with "there isn't anything we can do about it." I think this attitude is most unfortunate because I suspect that all of these people are dependent upon tourism and that it would certainly behoove them to at least try. PERHAPS the following might provide some incentive My purpose in being in Cape May was to explore the (Page 71 Please) > X . s "s - fillip?'-,: n r CAUTION: Assemble Before Using i

Our Readers Write 'Goat' Intended To Be Funny? To The Editor: RE Owen Murphy's "Notes from Seaside Goat, NJ": Is this intended to be funny? So Murphy believes that Seaside Goat exists for those of us "with eyes to see." does he? Once again, we are faced with another article written by an exceptionally ill-informed, self-styled expert^on the subject that everyone is an expert on— education IN SPITE OF recent evidence from respected public opinion polls that the American public is gaining respect for, and confidence in, the public schools and the extraordinary responsibilities placed on them, Muiphy chooses to i take on the mantle of contemporary educational critic and self-styled pundit as he takes rather shoddy aim at the j local school boards, teachers, and administrators. I He writes of fictitious students trying to read simpleminded textbooks with idiotic, outdated themes and preschool vocabulary Does he know, or more to the point does he care, that excellent, highly motivating materials are today being published because many students are entering school with not one whit of reading capability? Does he know that more and more children are coming from homes where books and newspapers are nonexistent? Is it any wonder that schools must invest in easier reading materials for these students? HE WRITES that the two most popular vocational courses are "Making Lawn Furniture from Empty Beer Cans" and "Fast Food French Fry Cookery." It could be argued that anyone capable of fabricating lawn furniture from throwaway beer cans could go far in this throwaway society, and anyone astute enough to perfect fast-frying food techniques could make more than a few buckos in the world of fast-food restaurants. Murphy's sarcastic treatment of vocational education only serves to reveal his complete lack of understanding of what vocational education is all about. ARTICLES SUCH AS his are popping up everywhere. It is faddish to make a joke of everything anmd make everything the butt of a joke. Serious treatment of educational issues and their implications for parents and teachers would be welcomed, but such treatment will not be forthcoming from writers bent on becoming known as pseudo Alexander Popes. Could it be that those who cannot write about anything else write articles such as these? LORINDA HANNA Cape May Court House (ED NOTE: Hanna is a teacher.} Do you have an opinion on this subject ? Write a letter to the editor, Herald and Lantern. P.O. box 430, Cape May Court House. N.J. 08210.

Summer: Zoo Or Retreat? To The Editor: I heard a psychologist say once "if people walk all over you, it's because you let them." I believe too many of us living on island communities tend to let that happen where noisy renters are concerned. Recently, a lady asked the realty firm for which I work to confront noisy neighbors. When it was suggested she call the police, she backed off. Needless to say, the neighbors will continue to be noisy. Most, if not all. communities have codes or laws against abusive and/or loud behavior. But the police can't enforce the code if they are not told of the problem. And, people renting short periods of time in surrounding properties don't have a phone or don't want to be bothered. Interestingly, after police confronted two party groups of "young professionals" about their noise level after midnight, there was immediate compliance. It was as though they offered a challenge to the community to see what will be tolerated. In my view, residents (especially year 'round citizens) must make their community's codes firm and binding. If not, we will have summertime zoos rather than summer retreats. JOANNA EVANS Avalon C Letters Welcome I he Herald, lantern and Dispatch welcome letters to the editor on matters of public interest Originals, not copies, are requested. Writers must sign name address and phone number J 7

-Take One Hex Head Follow Instructions, OR ELSE

By JOE /El. NIK Some have alleged that I look tired all the time since 1 got married This is true But it's not the marriage, it's one of the wedding presents We received from a daughter who presumably loves us an outdoor gas grill. A deeply furrowed brow and dark circles under my eyes are a direct result I've been staying up late nights, pondering how to assemble it The gift reveals something I've long known: blood may be thicker than water, but gender is thicker than blood That is. this is a gift from one female intended to benefit another female at the expense of her own father. In the unlikely event this grill is ever assembled, the obvious intent is to shift the responsibility of cooking — which we all know Clod intended to be a female skill — to the male Did you ever see a woman blacken chicken hotdogs over a propane gas grill"' BI T MY RESENTMENT is not the reason this grill remains unassembled The simple truth is that a gene deficiency. passed down from my father, has left me mechanically inept It took me 40 minutes just to open the damn box. and I ruined one beer opener and permanently scarred a butter knife Inside the box were about a hundred parts weighing a total of 76 pounds, more than most German Shepherds. Actually there is a "parts list" of 51 individual items, but there are many of some There also is a full page of "hardware" illustrations. 34 things with names like hex hed (sounds dirty). carriage bolt (sounds horsy), pal nut (sounds goofy), star washer (sounds heavenly), tube clip (sounds gynecological), male sae flare (sounds like it belongs on a boat) and grommet (which I thought was a person who ate quail eggs at 410 Bank Street) Should one get past the parts and hardware, there is another obstacle • the 20-step instructions Here there is good news and bad news. The good is that they are written in English rather than Japanese The bad is that they might as well be written in Japanese for all I can understand (see J illustration at lefP.

INTERSPERSED AMONG the instructions are enough WARNINGS to scare the hell out of you. If you smell gas. look out If you put it too close to anything, beware If you move it. there goes the "proper alignment of burner venturi to orifice " If you've got a rotisserie (beats me), beware of "a possible fatal shock " This from my own flesh and blood" Let's say you ignore ail that and sit down for the weekend with your parts, hardware, tools and the patience of Job There is a final instruction: "It is your responsibility to see that your grill is properly installed, assembled and cared for FAILURE TO FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS IN THIS BOOK COULD RESULT IN SERIOUS BODILY INJURY AND/OR PROPERTY DAMAGE. THAT CONVINCED ME to see if the people who sold this thing would assemble it. Let us pretend the manufacturer's name starts with "S." followed by a three-letter word meaning hearing organ, and ends with "S." It rhymes with rears. I called their local appliance repair center in Rio Grande and was told they'd whip it together for a mere $21 .95 house call plus $42 an hour My wife revived me with cold water at the temples and wrists and. certain I'd heard wrong, I called back. There had. indeed, been a mistake. The hourly rate was $44. That amounts to $1,760 for a 40-hour week, or $91,520 a year That's $10,000 a year more than A1 Ash made for giving legal advice to the Board of Freeholders. ( He's starting to look like a bargain. > 1 ESTIMATE two guys with master's degrees should be able to get that grill together in 10 hours Total cost : $924. For now . I'm placing jars alongside cash registers at local business places soliciting contributions for the AZOGG Fund (Assemble Zelnik s Outdoor Gas Grill). Until donations total $924. I'll continue to use my 12-inch diameter charcoal grill on whichfTve survived for years It nicely handles four hamburgers and two hotdogs If I ever need to feed more than three people at a time, we'll do it in shifts.