Herald - Lantern - Dispatch 10 luly '85 * 23

— Notes from —

(Although the community of Seaside Goat cannot be found on any map. Murphy assures us that it does, in fact, exist for those with eyes to see). I spoke with Horace "Hootin" Newton outside The Dugong Inn yesterday morning as he waited for bartender Len Pariah to open the door. Hootin, who

has a teflon liver, in 1 Seaside Goat's most t famous remittance man 1 and souse. His family in 1 Boston pays him to stay 1 away. < "Thank God for the U.S. Mail!" said Hootin. kissing i his latest check. "I'm good i for another 30 days." Hootin said he wanted to talk to me. so I followed i

him into The Dugong Inn. I After Len Pariah lined up a | half-dozen shots of bour Hootin used his Jack flavor straw to I empty them. "Hands shake too much in the morning to touch them." said Hootin AS MOST OF YOU know. Hootin is a conspiracy enthusiast. His latest investigation involves the Tooth Fairy. "What is the Tooth Fairy doing with all those teeth? said Hootin. as he slurped up another shooter of bourbon. "Why is the Tooth Fairy willing to spend money to acquire parts of our children's bodies? And why is Congress covering up this scandal that's been going on for ages? Hootin shook his head mysteriously. "What does the Tooth Fairy do with all those teeth?" Hootin hinted of Satanism and diabolical ceremonies and said the newsletter which he edits. Grassy Knoll, will break the whole shocking story in its next issue. Jody Sue Fatkabob won the title of Miss Seaside Goat on Tuesday night at the high school auditorium. Amanda Tweedy-Wallah was first runner-up. The Betooch Siamese twins. Billie George & Bobbi Ben, were voted Miss Congeniality. JODY SUE. a petite 511". wore a disphanous pink maillot which showed off her 145-pound figure to advantage Jody Sue won the talent division of the contest by twirling a hula hoop around her hips while playing 'Three Blind Mice" on a kazoo. The Siamese twins were a close second with their rendition of. "I've Grown Accustomed To Her Face " Flo Fatkabob. Jody Sue's mother, and a former Miss Seaside Goat herself, was delighted with her daughter's victory in the pageant. Flo mentions that Jody Sue will be attending the Clabburgurl University extension here in Seaside Goat come September Jody Sue plans to major in "the 3-Ds — Dance. Dope, and Dating." Congratulations. Jody Sue. and good luck! Samantha Scuzzi-Beech called to tell me that this summer she's going to take a course in Conversational Sanskrit. Sam plans to use I her Sanskrit when she and her guru, Swami Ramajungle. visit his ashram in the holy Indian city of TajMidol. During the winter. Sam took a course called "Cooking Hindu-Style With India Ink" which sparked her interest in the subcontinent "I'm always trying to improve myself in interesting ways," said Sam. SHORT SNAPS: I Creighton "Cremeface" I Loone and hiw wife, Lorna. at the Spartan St Sybarite Pub drinking "our very own drink, notroglycerine and Perrier with a twist." Harold "Harry" Crishna. owner of Crishna Realty, looking refreshed and recharged at the Seaside Goat Yacht Club on Sunday night. Harry just got back from a cruise to Murmanak on the S.S. Bitburg.

Leopold Loeb. insurance poobah. and newest .member of The Triple Bypass Club, showing off 200 stitches to author Lacy Jags at Hugger muggers. Marriage Counselor Patrick 'Pinky" Toomescens dancing check-to-cheek with heiress Suzi Kicke-llunter at the Yacht Club The Reverend Francis X. Crabble of the First Gnostic Church, and his secretary. Candy Coquette, looking drawn and haggard after a week-long church convention in Las Vegas. .Next week I'll have a report on the upcoming open house at the Seaside Goat National Guard Unit Till we meet again here, y'all take care.

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