_dining & entertain ment_

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( Although the com muni ty of Seaside Goat ounnof be found on anv map. Stut phy assures us that it does, in fact, exist for those with eyes to see I . Local Realtor Nick Nectarine was found guilty of hooking his wife up to the Seaside Goat drawbridge. Nectarine, who lives next to the bridge, pleaded guilty to attaching a length of rope to his wife's foot, and tying the other end to the middle of the bridge When the drawbridge was raised for the morning fishing boats, his wife. Hilda, was dragged out of bed. through the patio door, and into the bay where she almost drowned. "She's such a lazy broad. " said Nectarine "She'd sack out all day if I didn't do something. It was just a joke." Nectarine was convicted of illegally hooking-up his wife to county property. Sentencing will be nect week. RAN INTO Priscilla Peace-Quiff at the salad bar in Chastitute's Restaurant. Pris. of

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-i — Notes from — <- Seaside Goat, N.J. \p-, ^

course, owns Punguent I'nguents. the perfume and scent boutique on Pelican Avenue. She said her bestselling line this summer is Perfumes by Ronald McDonald. "I can't keep them in stock .' ' said Pris. "Essence de BigMar" is far and away the most popular scent among teenage girls who are trying to attract boys. Egg Mc.Muffin #5 is also selling very well." Pris raved about a new insect spray made in San C'lemente. California, called Nixema that chases "greenheads, mosquitos. chiggers, head lice, even people." "Nixema," said Pris, "repels just about everything." LACY JAGS called to tell me about her fabulous new diet. Lacy, as you know, has tried them all from Dr. Atkins through the Z-Plan. She calls her new diet. The Spectrum Color Diet, and plans to write a book about it. On Mondays Lacy eats only red foods — radishes, red meats, pimentoes. tobasco. and Amaretto. On Tuesdays she eats yellow foods — lemons, squash, mustard, and Galiano. On Wednesdays Lacy dines on black foods — egg plant, raisins, soy sauce, and Kahlua. Thursdays are reserved for green foods - all the standard veggies plus green creme-de-menthe. Fridays Lacy eats brown foods - peanut butter, wheal germ, and Old Forester Saturdays it's the white foods cauliflower, salt, and egg nog On the sabbath. Lacy restricts herself to clear foods — crystal lifesavers and Bombay gin n' tonics "It's a very satisfying

— — — — — — diet," said Lacy, "especially those Sundays!" Lacy's good friend. Augie Bierwurld, who owns the popular liquor store. Rum Thing, has put together a special Rainbow SevenPack of each week's highproof combustibles. "We want to do our part for the good health of the community." said Augie smiling. THE TALK OF THE TOWN this week was the custody hearing of about-to-be-divorced Queenie and Rajah DeSaltan. "He thought he was going to get them both!" said Queenie laughing, "but my lawyer was just as slippery as Rajah's. That'll teach the pompous b tard!" In dispute were the couple's season tickets to the Flyers and Eagles games. Queenie got the hockey seats and Rajah the football tickets. Their three children will go to live with Queenie's mother. Queenie has already purchased a condominium in the Sanctioned Rutting Apts near the beach, known as a haven for "swinging singles." "It'll be nice to be near

some real men." said Queenie. giving me her diaphanous pink smile. "Rajah would rather watch the last two minutes of the Liberty Bowl than be kissed by Bo Derek." When asked if there was no hope at all for a reconciliation, Queenie said: "I'd rather spend three months in an igloo with John McEnroe than one more minute with Rdfch." So I guess that's finis for one of Seaside Goat's storybook marriages. Next week I'll have a report on my talk with Rev. Francis X. Grabble, pastor of The First Gnostic Church, about his popular and financially successful publishing venture. Till we meet again here, y'all take care. Tryouts Set For 'Charlie' AVALON — Tryouts for "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown" by the Avalon Players will be held 9 to 10 a.m. and again 8 to 9 p.m. at Avalon Community Hall, July 29. For information call 967-3713. The play will be held under the auspices of the Avalon Recreation Department.

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B 21 St. and the Circle Avalon N I QS7.1A S7M D.J. BULGE TUESDAY THRU SUNDAY SATURDAY AND SUNDAY JAM 4 P.M. MONDAY NIGHT PRINCETON'S FAMOUS BUFFET 6 P.M.-9 P.M - S3 on WITH GUITARIST JOHN LANGSTON MOLSON MONDAY WITH OCEAN EVERY WEEK DOLLAR/BOTTLE TUESDAY NIGHT TACO NIGHT 2/S1.00 WEDNESDAY NIGHT "LADIES NIGHT" - NO COVEr" REDUCED DRINKS THURSDAY NIGHT — CIRCUS NIGHT I CLOWNS. BALLOONS. FTC I PACKAGE STORE I • BEER . WINES • LIQUORS • SNACKS OPEN 7 DAYS 7 NIGHTS Super Sandwiches & Draff Beer ' Served r>n.iy PHIL'S PRINCETON II I I EVERY FRIDAY. ^U^DA^ AN^SUNMY^GRILL 9:30 P M ) ■ H ALSO D.J.