.dining & entertainment.

The Inn \ V * (1 'ruler Neu Manattemrmi "A 401 BAYSHORE ROAD ft A-1® ) VILLAS. N.J. « W Jfj 886 4205 ^ «n. open 7 am - 6 days a week ». ! V^'J DRAFTS 25' «" * 5r MUGS 50' ^ •> Wednesday. July 31st • Ladies Night * * All Bar Drinks - $1.00 9:30 to 2 AM f * Super D.J. • T.C. Express * ComiriB Soon PRIVATE DANCERS Mile Stnp Show 4 * wrnmmmammmmmmmmmmmmmmr » * re * FRIDAY AND SATURDAY < * DANCE TO LIVE MUSIC "• * FROM THE 50'S TO THE 80 S ► * * M Nightly S*«foo«l Db»« Special ^ £ ■ Frt*d Swofood Combo ... S11.B5 » ■ (Fiooodor. Devllod Clomi. ScaHofw. S 4 ■ Oyster. Shrimp A Crabcaka) ■ Kttchan Op«« Everyday • 12 to 9 PM 4 ■ PH., Sat. 12 lo 10 PM Sun. 3 to 9 PM 4 ► ■ Lata Night Snacns - Wad. Frt., Sat. 10 PM ^ '^akdia^ ("aged steaks fresh seafood ) I'ROEIDIY ANNOUNCE THE REE URN OF DOMINOS a dynamic duo featuring CONTEMPORARY SOUNDS FOR YOUR AFTER DINNER DANCING & FISTENINC. PFEASURE fit WED. -SUN. 9 P.M. -2 A.M. j# m ^t-XKMOKA

— Notes from 7^^— - — Seaside Goat, N.J. \f~\ ^ ' - Owen Murphy ' — / — 4 — r— ■ Li o^Ssr

(Although the community of Seaside Goat cannot be found on any map, Mur | phv assures us that it does, in fact, exist for those with eyes to see f. The Reverend Francis X. ('rabble of The First Gnostic Church gave the invocation Tuesday night when the new Seaside Goat Town Council was sworn in. He closed the meeting with this prayer. "Grant, O God, that we may always be right, for Thou knowest wo will never change our minds." Mayor Waxford Squeers and the council appeared to be touched by his eloquence. I spoke with "Reverend Fran" about Saint Onan's Newsletter, his highly successful publishing venture. As you know by now, the Saint Onan's Newsletter publishes only tributes to Saint Onan from people who have prayed to him for special favors, and received them "Saint Onan used to be the Patron Saint of the Impossible." said Reverend Fran, "but lately Saint Onan has emerged as the Patron Saint of Personal Soap Opera. People pray to Saint Onan in the hope that he will intercede for them with God." Reverend Fran smiled his jolly grin and his chins quivered as he held up the latest 55-page news letter: "And here's proof of his effectiveness!" Reverend Fran opened the newsletter at random and read: Thank you Glorious Saint Onan for helping me get a darker tan than ever before!" He turned a page: "Thank you Powerful Saint Onan for strengthening my fingernails without the use. of gelatin'" He read another acknowledge m e n t : "Thank you Magnificent Saint Onan for getting Coca-Cola to return to its old formula'" AT THIS POINT Reverend Fran was joined by his secretary. Candy Co-

quette. who types up the weekly newsletter. Candy explained: "Saint Onan is more than glad to help out people with distressing aspects of their Personal Soap Opera. If your Karma has gotten kooky. Saint Onan can straighten you out. But he demands that you thank him in print. It may have been Saint Onan who first said, 'Publish or Perish."' Candy continued: "At any rate the newsletter is doing a land-office business. It's especially satisfying for Franity — Reverend Fran — and I to be able to help out so many people with their serious problems." Dorian Blue, financial magnate and eccentric builder, may be going byebye with an iron ball soldered to his leg. Dorian has been charged with stealing $4 million from his father's "piggy bank" (not a child's plastic bank, but the I ma Bigg Piggie National Savings & Loan, of which his father. Aereal Blue, is director Dorian is also charged with setting his ex-wife's Winnebago on fire. Dorian is presently living a secluded existence in the garish beach house in Seaside Goat which he built several years ago. The enormous house features gargoyles, cupolas, flying buttresses, and an altar to the god. Pan. on the roof, is much-hated by Dorian's neighbors who refer to it as The Attila-lhe-llun Motor Inn. "I hope they can give that wacko a one-way ticket to Leavenworth." said one of his neighbors who prefers to remain anonymous. NEXT WEEK I'll have a report on the marvelous new aerobics exercise program that the Hyphen- Ated Women's Klub tH-AWKt has created Till we meet again here, y 'all take care'

IF ^1 f FRED'S TAVERN j | WHERE GOOD FRIENDS MEET • P- 314-96th Street STONE HARBOR j In The Lounge ■ Wednesday, July 31st Ladies Night AMBER MOTOWN - TOP 40's J Thursday, August 1st Friday, August 2nd | Saturday, August 3rd CHATTER • ALSO • -t - SUNDAY JAM 4:30 TILL ? WITH CHATTER . 368-5591 _J ^ LIQIIW STOWE 0W» HILT TLM HOIIM J isour JkkSSy breakfast specials l »,OHlV*lW| WEEKDAYS 3:00 P.M -5:30 P.M. early bird specials only$65° Delicious Home Cooked Lunch and Dinner Specials Include Salad Bar. Beverage and the BEST SOUPS IN TOWN! (READS A PASTRIES IAKED ON PREMISES Open 7 cjays a week 7:30 A.M.-900 P.M.

a&ack 222 Hist ST.. STONE HARBOR • .168-2627 • SERVING • Breakfast f Dinner "Outdoors m in rw- A Garden J Atmosphere flftlW I I For ■ lllSIIIII I lO. Reservations I - Major Credit 4^PI i Ckirds Accepted

IMIIEOEfff MEM ml Cruise to the only casino in the United States with a docking facility. GRUISIjjC Harrahs MARINA From Ocean CMy, EJ9HH|| »17.50 per person Nra Luxwkwi HP Receive >15 Bonus i««w luxl mm ,10 jfl co|n ■ _ ./ ' >5 food coupon ■ A J.1 i 2 trips daily ■ 9 *•!*• Hr Return to Ocean fBSSaKm^ For Reservations Call 628-2935 or 399-5011 Sailing from 228 Bay Ave., Ocaan City Park In Our FREE Spacious Lot and Beat tha Traffic CHARTERS WELCOME | |(( > t I