_opinion_

-\ 0P,H,0hl?! ) Volunteer Traffic Squad?

To The Editor: I am writing concerning the next great public debate of our time — what to do about the garbage, gravel, and freight truck traffic on the Dennisville Road As a resident of Dennisville. I can vouch for the fact that ever since the MUA inaugurated its splendid new rubbjsh dump in Woodbine, the domestic lives of historic Dennisville residents have become historically unbearable Disregarding rerouting, speed laws, and common decency, trucks race through town leaving dead pets and a smeli reminiscent of the outskirts of Nairobi in their wake. What was once a little town that time forgot is fast becoming a rural version of 1-95. All day long fences rattle and houses shiver. You needn't be an Old Testament prophet to predict that before long a child or senior citizen is going to be hit. SOMETHING ought to be done, but what? Recently, an elderly and longtime resident of the town went door to door with an open letter urging Dennisville residents to attend a meeting of the county freeholders and petition their help. I went to the meeting. The freeholders acknowledged the problem's severity. They began their remarks with words like. T don't want to pass the buck, but...'' Then they passed the buck: to the MUA. which had apparently promised not to send its trucks through town; to the State Police, who are charged with traffic control on the Dennisville Road; to the citizens themselves, who must apparently write down license plate numbers as the trucks roll by and make citizens' arrests; to the New Jersey State Traffic Agency; and finally to the Dennis Township _ Committee, which they urged to move into modern times by creating a Dennisville Police Force. John McCarthy of the State Department of Transportation gave an excellent presentation, in which he proposed to construct a new road for all trucks bypassing the town entirely — the best solution, though a bit pie in the sky. Then the meeting ended. The truck traffic is precisely the same as before. ^ I DO NOT CLAIM to be such a maven of Cape May politics as to know who the responsible officials are. or in deed, whether there are any responsible officials. However, it does seem clear to me that this problem was not created by Dennisville citizens; yet we. in the end. are charged with its solution.

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* Joseph R. Zelnik Bonnie Reina Gary L. Rudy John Dun woody Darrell Kopp

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I doubt there is anyone in town, even among conservationists. among whom I count myself, who would not support construction of engineer McCarthy's bypass through the Dennisville swamp, breeding ground of the unendangered Jersey mosquito. But I doubt we can come up with a million bucks for the project ourselves. As for the creation of a Dennisville police force, I remain sceptical. Quite apart from the rise in local taxes, which is perennially unpopular, and would be more so to resolve a situation made by the MUA and trucking firms, a police department would be obliged to police the entire township, whereas the traffic problem is only on the Dennisville Road. No township is going to undertake the expense of forming a police department to patrol a one mile strip. Soon enough, the police would turn their attentions to more rewarding pursuits, like harassing teenagers. AT THE COUNTY freeholders meeting. I spoke in favor of placing speedbumps, also know as "sleeping policemen." on the Dennisville Road, which would force trucks to slow down — a cheap, effective solution. McCarthy responded that the latest research coming out of California indicates that speedbumps actually cause truck drivers to go faster, as the effects of the bump are less at 40 m.p.h. than at 20 Who am I to doubt California traffic researchers? I do. however think that at the very least the state or county could paint two solid yellow lines down the center

Our Readers Write Half-Mast Unnecesary To The Editor: I would like to reply to the recent letter to the editor in reference to the demise of Frank Murphy on which there are two separate and distinct topics, the first being Ralph Evans. Ralph Evans was a Sea Bee in World War II and is a patriotic citizen. His comments about the flag being flown at half-mast were made prior to the death of Mr. Murphy I am personally aware that Evans was a friend of Mr. Murphy and he held him in the highest esteem. His comments were of a generic reference as to when it was proper to display the flag at half-mast and were unrelated to Mr Murphy's unfortunate demise. I think that Evans is a dedicated public servant, who would probably be better off economically building houses that donating his time and talent as a freeholder, subjecting himself with financial sacrifice to public ridicule and abuse. TOPIC NUMBER TWO: I was a platoon sergeant in the Infantry in the Korean War. I have two silver stars, a bronze star with a V. three purple hearts and a combat infantry badge I do not think the flag should be flown at half-mast for myself upon my death, nor do I think it should be for any private citizen. This is an honor reserved for national leaders. If we were to display the flag at half-mast for all local politicians, the flag would not see the top of the mast again. The courtesy displayed to veterans should remain a flag to cover the coffin, which is available to each and every veteran and should not be displayed at half-mast. EDWARD D. WILLIAMS Stone Harbor of Dennisville Road and make it a "no passing" zone. I will personally take up a collection for this. Dennisville does have a volunteer fire department, and a volunteer rescue squad, both of which perform admirable services to the community. Perhaps the answer, similarly, is a volunteer traffic control squad. ON A RECENT TRIP to Central America. I saw such squads in action in Guatemala and Nicaragua. Sandbag embankments are placed at either end of town, and automatic rifles are distributed to the squad members, who volunteer their time on a rotating basis. I assure you that unwanted traffic is effectively blocked — Communist subversives in the case of Guatemala. Contra mercenaries in that of Nicaragua. Perhaps, finding no help from the County Freeholders, we Dennisvillistas should petition the governments of ' Central America to send us a security advisor or two, to help us gel organized. JOHNATHAN EVAN MASLOW

—The Yugoslavs Are Coming First Poke Crab With Big Toe

By JOE ZELNIK I'm pleased to see that some of you got past page 10 with the photo of that handsome couple announcing their upcoming wedding pictured tn bathing suits with a large parrot on the future bride's shoulder It's been rather quiet here other than getting married, passing a kidney stone, sacrificing all my belongings at a yard sale, and angering the Advertising Department whose efforts make it possible for me to eat In the meantime, the mail has backed up and I'll try to respond to the most urgent questions. U.G. OF THE ASSOCIATION of Tourists of Cape Mav County strenuously objected to my piece on how difficult it is to like tourists U.G. correctly pointed out that my account of the tourist reaction to encountering a dead horseshoe crab was inaccurate. I neglected to report the first step in the ritual The tourist begins by poking at the crab with his big toe. Only then, satisfied that the thing is either dead or tn a coma, does he wing it into the ocean for unsuspecting natives to step on in September B T. of Ludlam's Landing wrote that she and a van-full of her friends were terribly disappointed, after driving all the way over to Wildwood for the South Jersey Open Body Building Contest, to find I wasn't competing You're not as disappointed as me, ladies I was on my way. but got stuck in that horrendous Wildwood traffic. By the time I got there, they were into the South Jersey Closed Body Building Contest, for which I was ineligible. M.M. OF NUMMY. wrote to ask why I haven't said anything smart about county government lately, and commented, "What did they do, buy you off?" The answer is that I don't believe in biting the hand I'm negotiating with. I learned last week, quite by chance, that four percent (two of 25) of the county Probation Department — Tony Glazer and Paul Jurvic — are of Yugoslav descent. As a result, I've been talking to the county's minority hiring officer and demanding that the four percent ratio apply throughout county government. If the freeholders agree, and I don't see why they won't, they will need to hire about 35 more Yugoslavs and I will

be able to bring over a bunch of cousins who would love to exchange state socialism for the political patronage system, which it closely resembles. These are savvy people who want job security ; they've already requested they be in departments headed by anyone but Bill Sturm. T.U. OF JIMMY'S POINT pointed out that it's been weeks since I offered any useful advice. To make up for that. I can report that the American Heart Association advises heart attack victims that sexual activity for married people is no more strenuous than a stroll around the block. But. it warns, extramarital sex poses "distress and danger" A word to the wise. Finally, a number of people wrote to ask how my yard sale went. I guess I could be snotty and ask why they didn't come and see for themselves? The truth is. I was going to do a humorous column

on the topic But it turned out there is nothing humorous about yard sales We had 3,712 items and I heard one lady remark to another. "I didn't see a thing, did you?" I CAN TELL you this: a yard sale is a true test for newlyweds. If you can pool your precious belongings, price em. and try to sell them to callous strangers for eight hours with the temperature in the 90s. your marriage will endure anything. If my wife should read this, wherever she is, please come back, dear. You were right that I should have taken 25 cents for my three-inch-wide, red, white and blue belt.

NOT Joe Zelnik