1 8 Herald - Lantern - Dispatch 7 May '86

DYFS Problem *

(From page 1) seeks to determlhe whether the parents are aware of the problem. "If we have a parent who is unwilling to believe their child has "been victimized, that's usually when we pull the kid." Unkle said. "The victimized kid believes they're to blame. "If you come across a (sexual abuse) case, please say, 'It's not you're fault,' " Unkle urged the audience "It's very concise and short, but it's very important. "Sometimes kids get the impression that they sould not have reported it." "It's not the kid's fault, yet we've seen 4-year-olds who were assaulted, had vaginal intercourse, and heard the parent say, this kid seduced me,' " Unkle said DURING THE COURSE of an investigalion, he said, the child will learn he or she is involved with a sensitive issue "When an adult breaks down and cries while reporting (the abuse), the child is aware of what's happening," Unkle said. "The kid knows this is not a good issue. " When talking with abused children the key is sensitivity, and above all. honesty. Unkle said. "Never promise a kid something you know you can't control or make sure it happens," he said. "Kids get a sense of betrayal. "Never say. Your're Daddy isn't going to jail, or Uncle John isn't going to jail... often they will," Unkle said. AFTER A CASE is validated. Unkle said, the Prosecutor's Office is contacted and DYFS begins to take a hard look at family members. "There's no denying we rip families apart on this sexual abuse issue and there's no denying that some kids will never return ( to their home ) because some parents refuse to believe (it occurred)," Unkle said. "We have a lot of conflicts with parents over denial " Many abusive parents, he said, were abused themselves "They swore to God it would never happen to their kids. ..But now it's happened," he said. DESPITE COUNSELING, and therapy, some children will continue to be abused. Some people, Unkle said, will refuse to believe children, thinking they are drumming up past experiences "It's crazy to think that a kid who was victimized once is lying the second time

because kids who were abused once are much more vulnerable to it," Unkle said. Under the Child Abuse and Neglect Law, everyone is required to report suspected child abuse and DYFS must investigate it. The names of all callers are confidential, Unkle said. Confidentiality is maintained, he said, to shield callers from potential harassment by families they report At various times. Unkle said, he has been threatened, verbally abused and thrown out of homes. "THIS HAPPENS everyday. It's annoying when you have people in your face all the time, and we do," he said. "We haven't been received with open arms. Since an April 16 article on DYFS. this newspaper received five letters and a half dozen phone calls about the division, all critical. Unkle urgod the audience to work closely with DYFS when reporting suspected sexual abuse, maintianing there is strength in numbers. "It's critical for all of you in the room to contact us and work on the problem," he said. "When another person, agency or institution is saying, 'this a problem,' parents have a tendency to back down and look at what people are saying. "When we have an affiliation with another group is when DYFS has the greatest positive impact on the family," he added THOSE WHO SUSPECT sexual abuse should report it immediately, not wait for concrete proof, Unkle said. He had harsh words for those who hold off on reporting. "You're taking a hell of a lot of responsibility on your shoulders that you don't really need because if something happens to that kid you'll be in one awkward position," Unkle said. "Unless you're astute or really know the issue, you're going to miss something... and the kid will continue to be abused " "We're all in this boat together, people; we're all one peg in a machine." said Investigator Marie Hayes of the Prosecutor's Office. "If one peg doesn't work, the machine won't work. The two-day seminar was sponsored by^ the Prosecutor's Office and the Police Training Facility. Unkle on friday addressed about 60 employes of local schools, police departments, the county Prosecutor's Office and agencies that work closely with children's problems.

Fashion Ireland INSPIRES Give Mum A Touch Of Ireland From The Original Irish Import Shop At The Jersey Shore Fashions • Jewelry • Throws • Crafts The Irish Pavilion of Stone Harbor OPEN DAILY 9825 OCEAN DRIVE 368-1112

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Tickets are still available for the Burdette Tomlin Auxilliary Luncheon tomorrow at 11:30 a.m. at Henny's in Stone Harbor, Jane Reddy. luncheon chair, says that tickets may be purchased by calling Mary Bos ford at 967-3730, or at the door. Every dog has its day. and in Avalon and Stone Harbor it's Saturday, at a free rabies clinic in the S.H. Firehouse, 96th and Second Avenue, from 2 to 3 p.m Dogs or cats should be accompanied by their owners. Dr. Mark Logan. DVD, will be in charge assisted by volunteers from the S.H. Board of Health. ALL THAT activity at \ the Wawa Store, 94th and Second Avenue. Stone Harbor, will be over in a month to six weeks, says Dave . Yaeger, area supervisor and former manager of that store. Expansion plans call for an addition of 800 square feet. The store will be pushed out towards Second Avenue to the current setback of the other stores on the street, said Yaeger. "This will enable us to relieve congestion by having a separate check-out / counter and a separate sandwich counter." said Yaeger, who worked out the design. A PLATOON, of women will man their shovels in Stone Harbor May 17-22 as the eighth annual "Planting of the Islands" along Second Avenue will be undertaken by members of the Stone Harbor Garden Club. Under the leadership of Marlene Casper, 48 women will plant small marigolds, mixed vinca, and larger marigolds, in 66 horseshoeshaped beds. Forty-eight circle beds will feature either marigolds and geraniums, or small marigolds and mixed vinca. "In all 7,200 plants will be used," said Nancy Ritchie. Garden Club president. BOROUGH EMPLOYES prepare the beds for planting and children in grades 3 through 8 in the Elementary School helped as well as members of Stone Harbor Brownie Troop 101. Under the direction of Suzanne Walters, they include Robin Anzalone, Nicole Ross. Jaime Rich, Maggie Corson, Sarah Walters. Jaime Neave. Becky Boyer. Rachel Rich. Courthfy Hornsby and Megan McNulty. "We could use another dozen volunteers," said Casper. She can be reached at 368-1725 or 368-2202 AVALON GAVE a rous ing sendoff last night to Father John Lovetand of Maris Stella with a dinner party at the Whitebrier. After five years there he is being transferred to Immaculate Conception, Bridgeton. Engineering last night's gala were Mary Nilon. Marie Phillips. Kathleen Doyle, Dee Thomas, and Bonnie Fetae. Father George Reilly, vice-president of Villanova, who has a

weekend assignment at Maris Stella, was the master of ceremonies. / Providing the grand entertainment were: Kay Cleary, piano; Ray DeLaurentis, saxaphone; Joe Frizzilli and Bob Ames, vocalists, and Sam Werner on the "omm-pah-pah". Special guests included Msgr. Charles Beausang, Maris Stella pastor; Msgr. Vincent Giammarino, pastor, and Father Michael Orsi, St. Paul's Church, and Rev. Robert and Mrs. Scott of the Avalon Methodist Church. CONGRATULATIONS to: Avalon's Catherine (Robbie) Parker of the Women's Community Club of Cape May. She achieved , a first place blue ribbon for her crewel needlework during the recent Achievement Day held by the Second . District of the New Jersey Federation of Women's Clubs. Also, congratulations to Dot German, the new president of the Avalon Book Club. The Women's Civic Club of Avalon is planning a trip to Wheaton Village Monday, May, 28, leaving at 9 a.m. from the Community Hall, 30th and the Beach. Reservations include the trip and lunch at the Glass House Cafe. Call Reba Raeburn, 368-1453 for reservations. COUNCILMAN Louis Clelland and Tony Fittipaldi will be the main speakers at the meeting of the Stone Harbor Garden Club 10 a.m. Monday. May 12. in the Firehouse. 96th and Second Avenue. » Fittipaldi will discuss greenhouses and solar rooms. Saturday, the club will hold its annual plant and baked goods sale at the firehouse 9 a.m. -noon. A trip to the South Street Seaport in New York City is planned for Tuesday, May 20, by the Avalon-Stone Harbor branch of the Burdette Tomlin Auxilliary. The bus will leave the Avalon Community Hall, 31st and the Beach at 8 a.m., and dinner is planned at the Town and Country Inn, Bordentown. For more information and tickets, contact Mary Jane Lea at 368-5414 MORE THAN 1,500 toes were tapping April 25 when the Wildwood String Band helped Stone Harbor kick off its 75th anniversary celebration coming up in 1989 An all-age audience including six-week old Tyler McCauley and his mother Bridget, Ocean View, gathered to sing, dance and clap to the warm-hearted tunes of the WSB. Tyler was there no doubt, to hear his uncle Heath McCauley, 11, play saxaphone as the youngest member of the band. Some mighty fancy strutting was demonstrated by members of the audience including Ruth and Jack Gray of Avalon, Marty Fidler, North Cape May, and Sandy Meadowcroft of Stone Harbor, whose husband A1 is in the band. On behalf of the Chamber of Commerce Jack Fitzpatrick welcomed the

group, assisted by his wife Pat. '^~THE STONE Harbor Planning Board gave approval to Dominick D'Antonio, 9014 Second Ave., for a minor subdivision providing that an existing garage be moved or removed. Two plans were presented by the applicant, one needing a variance because of an existing nonconforming 4.15 setback on the garage. The second plan, not requiring a variance, would result in irregular lot sizes. Several neighbors appeared to speak against the granting of the variance. At the special meeting of the Stone Harbor Zoning Board April 26, a variance for a swimming pool was granted to Robert and Jose Rich. 10410 Sunset Dr AVALON POLICE Chief Louis E. Taylor Jr. told this newspaper about the $140,000 state-of-the-art communications systems being installed in the headquarters, which will link the local office with the Na- . tional Crime Information Center and the New Jersey Criminal Justice Information systems, enabling the borough to tie in with communications centers nation and world-wide. In addition Taylor noted that the Avalon noise ordinance was upheld in court. However, the judge said the residents must sign the complaint, not the officers who respond to the call. "Avalon residents are us- ' ed to a two-minute response to most calls, said Chief Taylor." This summer all calls will be prioritized for answering, and if someone has a complaint that is more important, then the barking dog or nuisance complaint may not be answered until the next day," said Taylor Talk about coals to Newcastle... a sign on a shop at the corner of 98th and Second Avenue announces a TANNING and Haircrafters Salon to open soon! COMING: Stone Harbor Planning Board, work session 3 p.m. Monday, May 12; Avalon Planning Board. 8 p.m. Tuesday, May 13. Breakfast Set May 16 AVALON - The Cape May County Council on Alcoholism will hold its Legislative Breakfast 9 a.m. -noon Friday, May 16, at the Golden Inn here. Speakers will be state Sen. James R. Hurley, R. Cumberland/Cape May, and John R. Edwards, who is a drug and alcohol specialist tor the Southern Regional Curriculum Services Unit of the state. They will discuss issues concerning the Student Assistance Programs, current legislation on alcohol issues] and trends in lawmaking regarding alcohol issues.