I confined to th« o' • ccuaervatlve Piper > etni prtnttnic War Newa. lad not com^loto hU Life k enHurad Bt«oo. who knew about a Meredith and Arnold Bennett. b#d to do Ilia Spelllns for bin at 14 Bocka per. Tb* Cerebel'nm of Earn waa probabout the dlmenalona of a Matass Grape 8«inf him by his Look*, one would J that Natu-e meant him : dor a Ticket-laker in a auburfaen

laoe.

leu, he had hla Opinion*, leead that Consreaa ahoald aitray* adjouni Immediately after coo nine, and not tamper with liualara*. I felt confident that Our Coin try gpriShl derelop a Future If the Labor Colons could be suppressed, j Elam waa a mental Gnat and a

. hieverthelra,: Be believed tl.

Court Cirdea of merely hare her way to the much Camphor. Bit she had ta Palm Room* ai Lackey* and the Plata, and she was She wanted to around he- neck a with the white-faced >1 4 Spew] on a half-i Prairie Mud. Once in a while bold Batbay to start lab. but the FtMiea Farm did not Grand Circuit. Aa for the Servant Pi something Ferocious. C not be lured to the Tell the Local* bad beep flail-ray Eatin* House. Elam sad Clkudtn*

aa there was a Customer in Bight. The tu cn which she specialised were light as Dows. The tkInga aba fixed to Eat were Fine and Dandy, but sue never had heard of a Cuisine. When you took her away from regular Chow and ade her tackle something Caaesrok ' En Taaoe, abe Mew. Also theie waa a Maid who should have belonged to the Stevedore*'

Union.

She could pack Victual# in from the Buttery and aUm them down on the Table, a ta Commercial Hotel, but when It came le funding up an intricate Design with an tagrowtag Napkin, three Spoons, fear Knives, five Forks, and nil the long-Memmed Glasses, to say nothing of aa artful pyramiding of Cut-Flower* noun a the Candelabra, then ah# waa simply a fe-

male Blacksmith-

Claudlne would throw a Dimer once In a while. Just to subdue the Wife and Daughter of the National Bank, but the Crew would nearly elway* crab the Entertainment. With the Support accorded by the bone-headed Staff, she had a fat Chance to give a correct Imitation of Mr*. Stuyreaant Fish. AH during the nine Course* ahe had to yelp more Order* than the Foreman ot a Street Qcng. A Megaphone would have helped some. The Hoatefic who wishes to look and carry ca like a I niche**, certainly find* It ve deg when pop-eyed Lixsie lean* agalkkt all if the principal j uueeta in turn and then endeevora to shoot the Bptaeo.aUaa Rector in the Neck with a gush of real Champarue. After one of these filv Affair*, at which the Kammiea had balled up ; ihe who!a Mena. CUudine came to the [[front with an Ultimatum. She said so* going to can the awful Utrth[placc and apend the remainder of her Natural among the real Dowdy-Dows. •iilght-o. Babe!” apoke up Elam. ‘Today I have put the Wort* into a n- * Combine which makes me a Ju[nlor so far a* the plant U concerned, boost a me Into the Charley knb division when it come* to IjCollateraU I have three million Iren * and most of it ii Turkey, loose and free a* a Robin. 3* beat it to ihe Big Show. It la about Dm" iha' the vast Territory lying town"! the East should be aroused from its le thargy. Go as tar as you like. Tl. two were foxy. For monetary and teal estate Reasons they did uot *W« It out cold that they were making * final Getaway They planned to hgv* Gusts remain at (he dear old Dun'i' a Caretaker, but it was mat

ly a muff.

Wi.< n the Town Hack folloved Wag>> !-o«d of Trunks to the Depot, Claafli •' letned out aid said. "Fare thee ta ell. O you Indian ViUage! Thla

la 1b4\l‘«>4iu* of tl^H

Nen day, thousand* of warm-heart-ed N* Yorker* were packed along the Wii*r Front all U» Way from the Hatter; to Grant's Tomb, giving royal Woleon.egp the Con-fed PMgrioa. At

any rat*, they warm Fiaakod.

the Hi il, the diacwralag Bell-Hope tkms. had thr stand hart until the otbere ““

had rex tered

They ere Importer.', bat they did

K<an. .cold have worn the Letter of Credi' ou the outride. After "..iff had taken the Imparial uite «t Invited ail the Servants on ta Twelfth Floor t« a Silver Shower, they fom.' that the CaU-Bella worked If i::aar moved in the general direction < ( n Button, a handsome West Po t ter would flit In with a pitcher of load Water and then hirer

aroun* !< his Bit.

Both re- igB that the first requisite

a* a lot <.f new money.

Even v: a they rapped eharplF .with a 8; i and ordered Gar con to hniry up ihg. Little Birds with a Flagon of i Regis Bubble* to come along a* a -eech. they realUed that (hey did not took the Part* am atlii cam bed hia Hair In the atyle appro - i by the '-Barbers' Guide

and Manus or 1*17.

Claudlne .. * fully clothed aa far up • her Nov. ind didn't have the Nerve to ho - the Lorgnette Elam wen; out and had himself draped by * - agger Tailor who waa aald to do a lot of Wort for the Vanderbilt boy* » v In b>* Aflen.r.oii Wear be resembled the Manager ■# u Illack-Gooda Depart-

’g?"* . ™ try to be Human. No use He was strictly ton from the Pmnps to th bat tie .word “Booh" was stenciled right across the glossy Front. When they had conquered an the Eating-Place* in the Tenderloin they moved on to Europe, where they were Rut ns welcome aa Influenxa. ft waa r>°at to ait in the Savoy at the Sapper Hoar, surroonded by the best anovrn. people mentioned in me Court Circulars. It was indeed a privilege for Elam and Claudlne to be among the British Cousin*, even If the British Cousins did not Clandine. Looking In any direction they could see naught but frosty and forbidding Shoulder-Blades. After partaking of their Sole and Grouse and winning a pleasant “GoodNight” from the Chevalier In the Check-Boom, they would escape to their Apartments and talk to the Dog. In Pnrie they They learnnd that by going out on the Boulevard and whistling, they could summon a whole Regiment of high-born and patrician Down-aad-Oaters. , Moot of the Titles were slightly worm-eaten and spotted with Fungi, bat nevertbelcea Genuine It was Nut* for Clandine to assemble all the Noblemen to be picked op around th* Lobby and gave them a frto run and lump at the Carte du Jour. Her Dinners anon became the of the Chambermaids employed In the

Hotel.

Anyone- willing to cut loose on Caviar and stuff raised under Glass gay Pare*. Whenever Elam made a noise like 1AM Prongs, be found a lot of wellbred Connoisaeurs at hla Elbow, all ready to have something unusual brought up from the Cellar. Th# securing of an Invitation to one of Ciaadine s formal Dinners wsa almost «s difficult as getting Into Luna

Park.

j However, the list of guests sounded ; Real when sent back to America and ' printed for the entertainment of perI sma living In Boarding-Houses. Clandine became slightly puffed. When she found herself between a couple of perfumed Lads wearing Medals, she would give Friend Hatband the Office to move to one side and curl up in the Graas and not ruin the Ensemble by boring in. Elam waa usual!/ at the foot of tbs Table behlnu a mass of Orchids. Once in a while he would try to crowd into the conversation just to let them know that old Ready Money waa still present, but every time he came up. Dearie would do her blamedesi to Ueas him and put him out of the Gam*. Claudlne could ma«* a stab at the new Picture In ibe Salon and even run nimbly around the edge at the Fulnr-

iri vogue

Elam waa ready to disc use Steamship Line* or Railway Accommoda-

when he waa put against th# Tall-Brow* be begai low and amell of the Wick.

Often, when scrfelted with Truffle*, be would wonder what had become of the Green (torn, the K. and K.. the regular Chicken with Giblets, the Huckleberry Pic. the smoking Oyster Stew, and the Smearcaae with Chive*, such at Ousts used to send In. The*.reminders of a lowly Past were very

distasteful.

Cnee he talked in hi* Sleep about Codfish Balls, and next morning ahe lit on him something scandalous. After the Parisian triumphs seemed a safe bet id return home and make a new effort the Face-Cards.

One day Claudlne allowed that abe waa tired oi Bridge and the gay Ron- !

slipping away to Virginia Hot Springs to oool out and rant Elam said that while she was lying np. be would inspeet certain Properties in Canada. He drove Honey to the train: be tore back to the palatial Home, chucked a few Prop# into a Bull Caae. and beaded for the Grand Central He never r*«-—r^tny until be ducked in the Back Way through the Grape Arbor, post the Woodshed. Into the Kitchen of the oil Homestead in which he first saw th* Light of Day Gusts nearly heeled when she lamped the long-lost Bon. •Get bui/.- he s*W, "One fried Steak, the slxe of a Lap-Robe, smothered with Onioni. two doten Biscuits without any Atmor Plate, one bushel ot homemade Pork and Beans, much butter, end n Gallon of Coffee In a Tureen." "You will have to wait a while." asla the faithful Gusts. Thera la a double order of Ham and Cabbage ahead of you. While you are waiting you might go up and call on the Missus. She has put on her old Blue Wrapper and the Yarn Slipper*, and la now lying on a feather Tick la the Spare Room.' Moral: The only City People are those born so.

Cultivating Safe Habit*.

There la much in mental habit* u. relation to industrial safety. AceordIny to Safety, a publication of the New York Centra! raUrpod, "self-control la om of the big thing* in life. Many lime* railroad men are injured through taking i nnecesaary chance* that are the remits o( sudden im pukes. It it common, for butane*, tor a trainman twitching cars, upon obeerring a coupler not property Ilneo up just as car. are about to coma to gainer, 'o impulsively step to and ’jot* the coupler over without first stopping the car*. Often these thing*, at first done impulsively, are tried again and again, until an unsafe habit Is formed. The necessity of cultlvat. ing coolheadedofets and self-contrcl. aa a safety factor. Is indisputable."

do It A courier of the tribe rode SO miles at the pueblo of a bearing a message. •t-ggering when the tiwt was reach* A hasty consultation was csllsd. TV answer won banded to th* Santo mlngo youth. Nodding, b* torari toward home. “Ho! . Your horteT" a baodsn called. The courier sain. “I leave him. I taaet go fast TV race would kin my beraa."

Really Humcroua.

“Now. Silas," said the spexker. "I wanfiyou to be present when 1 deliver this speech." “Yaseeh.” 1 want vou to atari the laughter and appiause. Every Urn* I lake a drink of water, you applaud, and every time 1 wipe my forehead with my handkerchief, you laugh ’ “You better switch deta Minsk. boas. It's a heap mo liable to '?* k * *•■«*> to eee you autu'ln' up dar deliberately takln' a drink o' wa

"- Washington Mar

Rcrolnl larar*

the general tetroduetfea of a rori mining machine developed by >i Pittsburgh mining and mechanic*! <■: glneer. who has spent more than ; ears in perfacting the machine Th* device, ecnstnictcd of atrae | tursl steel, can attack the cool. *«= ; In any poeiuen. moving up or do*» | or *n any direction. It takes out me*' 1 Utwi M per cent of the coal !n iw ground, whereas the beet practice today seldom recovers more tfcsr ’> per cent. It la stated that under »2 sorts of tests, running over msa! months, the machine has demos strated that it can cut the cost of mining coal by half. It is aald that with only twenif men attending the machine*, lai them can produce over LOOT ton* o' coal a day Electricity cr eomprerwi air can be used, and so little to** k required that the coat of pov*' " lets than on* per cent * ton sari ton of coal mined.

After donnii< and Fish, knov Thirteen and 1 as much like . hare suppose;! th* 'Bus who i Claudlne >|- Modiste The of Town «#*

Tooth at this of but Mine Hum

she was shout

Trundle !(< d an

She ordered

the complete f

in swocsey circle* as » Odd. he didn't look Walter as on* might

He looked more like away the Diahee. heraeif np to a j4 Woman from out trifle Long in the

r Narrative.

Elam began l

f way between *r FI ret Party,

lb* cbte Noveltle*

Flapper*, so «»st

Family The habit c

lag vaguely If his

pectsble.

H Harm * and * careless » »untli, Money In Public

enviable ttepuu 1 Cafes, although e that they were to the Newport

Ibei

soon saw them

Hon In th. h

.hey could not „i, . moving an) n.-s

The shift from B ,' Knuckle* to Amhrosla mid h#( ) been a little suddi-n for Khm , na sometime* I when they v, r . lag hither and thUhrr. from n„ (.onae to Play- ! Hoi'.*,- and tht-i.r. tb* igitti* XIV j Rifting ItiM.m by v, „» ih* Tsngo-

jor little ! Joint- he sould mo.v. ^ jitiis and act |

'rift* » v ^

in tbe gaudy | Whereupon CkudinL w , Md Jac 11 "Ouc# He Talked I" Hi* Blstp About Codruh u*|..

«m."' - -

Bravery of the Jn*. Jews! Never again wlii the br*”' of the Jews be quoetioood. The E ropean war has found them !t front on many a be tile (mid. ffghiir shoulder to .houllcr with tbriT eoi patriots among the rartow otllix' •ut* IMscusatog at a meeting o! « Judeans in New York city th* top* The Jew as a Cltlxar tn the Counti «f Hi* Domicile." Dr. Henry M. LH «**r declared that from all of « °°w»trt«s involved In tbe conflict r»» report* that tbn Jews wore rafiyit to the support of the country »f ll' , ' sdoptlon, ard were conducting '!>< < selves with berokm. Jews tn the G« «»«* »rmy bar* received the l« ‘ «##. .nd in th* Ruaalaa army hi' *oi distinction. The ability of H dews to remain * distinct j>e»ple »' FM to .uppwt loyally the eoor'.) 1 ‘heir birth or adoption la one of 11 tnsrvek of history.--Lulie'f Blind Boys Match Pennies .. T *° Wind newsboys who *UUthem*,),,, at Thirteenth snd Mark “i midnight to aeil tbe "l>“ editions of the various morul: th.V P * r ‘* r * •'* furn khlng a sp^> c that would call forth fro* BlUy «*>■ some choice Eandaygranif ' ■’bilsdelpbU Record The °"“ k White and the Mb'-' ****** ^rn bualnees become* '“cug, | n , qulM ^ the^ 0 ** ° f four **- they canno' " e “rad or uil of a cola, hut il" readily tell a t y the touch Oi» toted to fool tbe « ">' 1 He - ? hl tr » ■■»«Hb i ct whiekw*°b 1 ® particular mark on " ‘ uu lh « w,d * b ’ ‘‘I maiohad him he ^ Ti“5^ h * oppoo «“ to prove his r" 1 ..'• e b,, ’’ toe smooth ooio and toe surprise of the .mall gro’I M£Utora. detected ,h. Utok of "

1 him up and toll jbtaH

Him fiomethlrtg Ocandlkl^. N, *‘ Mern ' , '« *h#