A Doting Burglar

A COMPLETE NOVELETTE

BY BEN HECHT

j.,! r. she tuM. "do be careful. «tr of a man M.rr of hiiwelf and proud wa.- madneea.

■n't know hoar ; worry abou I all and think and :hlnk and

I tumble. Oh. John!**

Tb-- burglar looked at Ms aenaltlve >.:■ and smiled. He was a young bc'elar. a handsom* burglar, drew himself up proudly to his full. 1. r.'Nome height and gazed down upon thr prett3' pleading woman who sat inntlng by the window of their anug

0- ttage.

“Sarah. - he said, “don't be foolish : imagine for a moment that 1- Good Lord! You don't think that srv l:ldney-inoted, red-necked copper going to na.l me! Why!” With a dorlalrp laugh John Hellotr l«' strode to hla wife's side vnd patt Let shoulders good naturedly. I should think.” be said, 'you'd know better by this time than to v. rry and fret about me." a look of admiration and lore came late his wife's eyea “I can't help it," she whispered, drawing Us hand to her Ups and kissing It. “You know how 1 lore-yon. And you nerer tell me anything, any thing. Oh. John, don't go out tonight.

of his achievements. He was In a; ^

high mood for adrenture. The spring' ^0,, * ° a ' ,1,,nk,,,K now Q* night TTUckeued Us blood and he ' 1fC ' of her lMny - o{ her dlsap-ct-ppod hrts ily on. drawing In long P° lBUn enL Home and bed called him. breaths of the tree-smelling dark. TI,r Birhl t “* d been tedious, danger-

Before a gar.ige he stopped, and after t, “' ,Ie frit we * r 3 r -

a few momen's festlrg with the owner ,J,e M®** where he lived hla piloted bis cm- dezteriously out of the I cii ** rtn came back to him with In-

I creased rlo!«nce. He frowned omln-

a-1 Set tin'' Hen V.*hen a hei Is bound to set.

Seems cs though 'taln't etlket

Dowsin' her In water till /

She's connected with a cUIl.

plea

John shook Us bewd. still smiling.

• How about a little necklace." he whispered, "and a pair of pearl ear nnr«. .-h? I haven't forgotten ton-or

ten's your birthday, darling.' A soft, throaty laugh was his re-

ward.

"You dear fo-1 lab,” his wife murmured. S'ae arose and embraced him. "You won't ever forget my birthday. John. If you should I'd think—I'd ^ 'liink that you had forgotten something else.*' • She loi-k* d wistfully Into Us e' “I won't.” he prom Led; "and. b»rii'.-*, I've been rather lazy lately. • been almost a week, and I don't w nt to get stale.” Mrs. Heliotrope laughed again. “You needn't make any more . •» John. I ii“Ter have stood Ir : • ur way, have !» And If you bring back a nice necklace or earrings • r something, why I'll forgive your ' .ng away from me like this and leavi me ail alone, you naughty boy.” Don't worry about that.” exclaimed ihe burglar, a humorous ring in hi> Milco "Tonight I work for you. Tl pick you out something extra flue; something you can be proud of and wear to the theatre. 6 "Do John. That sealskin coat you brought home last week Is sizes to tmall for me. Why, It's a little girl' "I know. Sarth.” he answered. ” couldn't help It 1 never was a hand i or picking out women’s clothes. B fore we were married I never gave thought to them.'* "Well, It's time you learned som thing about It If you should ni across anything size thirty-two, c c»en thirty-four, don’t forget. But for Tic*van’s sake don't bring back one of those old fashioned Jackets like you did last month. They're for grand-

riothers."

John Heliotrope smiled, and with another kiss upon her lips, darted up the stairs Into his room, crying out. *Tfl be back <n a minute.' Before a bureau 1c his room the burglar paused. From It he selected two finely edged Instruments, one like delicate cold chisel, the other a curious auger. Then donning a pair of Ugb*. kid glc < es. be seized his slouch hat and Issued luta the upper hall. His wife's room stood open before him.’ After a raomont's hesitation he • m. red it, and an exclamation cf anger eecsped him . The door of the wall safe stood ajar. He approached <' quickly, and kneeling before It. drew forth two red leather cases. ojM-ned them and stared curiously st an assortment of Jewelry, a pearl necklace, rings, pendants, earrings, lot gnettes, collars, chains, watches. They were uill dangerous loot, end it would be another month before it would be safe entirely to conre-t them Into an Income. Closing the amooth'y swinging steel •door, he ml-led tb" knob and locked

the safe. “Sarah.” b IH'arod in the liki tnat. It’i

foolish.*'

As he whir ed down the street in his rakish cat. John Helltaope meditated aweetly an Ufa. He thought for a moment up* n his wife, and tenderly imagined hb return at dawn, fadea with gifts visualised her Joy. her

kisses, her g atltude.

She had in ited a number of frlr-nds

for her birthday party. There would be meat and Srink ard laughter As he pondered ipon :bese things Heliotiopd drew Tom an Inside pocket a note oook. hinging,his car to a stop under an *r: light, he turned his at-

to tie Interior of his book.

There were certain addresses and notations tmeribed therein. Having reueehti h' memory thus, he started oC agSi... and ."as soon rolling down a stretch of dimly i eh ted avenue on each side of which loomed elegant

formal homes.

! lessened the speed of his car, with a keen eye on upon these

domiciles progress* J more slowly down the road. In front of one, almost concealed In Itr own darkness, he came to a stop. At Ihls point his entire demeanor changed. The dreaml-

and nonchalance were gope from

aim. He stepped out nimMyi walked ditectly In the darkness engulfing the iiouse. and with a sharp glance about

Llm proceeded at once abtu.

Twenty minutes later he returned, leaped Into his car and drove off. A puzzled light was in his eyea. and a look of indignation. He twisted the wheel viciously fu turning a corner

and seemed altogether out of sorts.

"Of all the damned nuisances.” he kept muttering to himself. Failure 1-ad befallen him. Double-barred windows, peculiarly fastened doors, unusually protected porch screens had resisted his sinister advances. At every turn he had been met by Home wfangled bifhg'.arproof contrivance ■a as be pondered upon his fruitless labors of the Jt minutes a rags

lowly poszessed him and he swore. His next call was at the curb of

l-rigbtly lighted corner. Again leaving his car. Its engine running, he penetrated a polite wilderness of trees and shrubs, achieved a point directly under a masonry porch, and with an

agility purely Darwinian, mourned

of the stone pillars. Arrived on the porch, he brushed his trousers and fell to work upon the French doors onfronung him. An exclamation of joy escaped him as the dooru yielded under his skilful fingers. John Heliotrope found himself inside a large, heavily caroeted.room. With a small Push he lighted up llttlo circles of this room and progressed Into other fields It was barely ten minutes later that » shot startU-d the neighborhood and that John Heliotrope drooped courage-

ously from the cement porch

soft earth below and fied with great h&ate toward hla car. Behind him came a man dnased In a white nightgown and flourishing a long revolver. Ilit man. however, stopped at the edge of the porch and unloaded his weapon In the darkness. 7 roping into

his car, the burglar started off

speed, bent low over the wheel and carsing outrcgi-ously as he Cew

through the night.

To follow John Heliotrope in his feriher nocturnal adventures would lie to record merely a series of hea. Lreeklng episodes, fruitless. Infntile performances In which the vauntei* cklll .courage, penetration of this art fu! creature came all to naught. Fate seemed utterly opposed. Forme's V seemed tntircly disinclined Rmlie. With the first dim light dawn breaking over the streets, ihn Heliotrope «prang Into his [lilted a final round oath, and poshed

only upon the !nnoccnt domiciles of hit neighbors, but a sense of fatality kept him Ir. his seat. His own house was darkened. She. Sarah, was asleep.

dreaming of n-cklaces and earrings, n > - doubt, he reflected bitterly. Passing! he twitched away and then it. he proceeded to the garage, stored lT,!e<: aKa,n to Krab th ® b ®*>- ihine in a dispirited manner, Bm ' br ^nger. she had spunk.

An interesting letter has just been .-so policeman Bred several shots bu:

j received from Mario Walcamp by',

Seems as though 'tv, as skursley right Lai versa! officials . Miss Walcamp is Oivin' her a dreadful fright. j u ' rln K ‘he Orient, at the head of a Tyin' rags around her tail. j co '»P«iy directed by Henry McRae. 1 Poundin' on an old tin pall, filming a Universal serial. “The 1 Chasin ' her around the yard, Dtagon'z Net.” and la visiting all the I

Seems as though '(was kinder hard ,ur ^ JU,t countries.

Bein' kicked and slammed and shooed 'Cause she waau to raise a brood.

I fil'd say It'a gettin’ gay

Jest 'cause nctur’ wants Its way. WTiile ago my neighbor. Penn,

Started bustin' np a hen: to yank her off the nest.

Hen. though, made a peck and Jest Clubbed his thumb nail good and stout Liked to yank the darn thing out.

For

"Why. John. 1 dldn" know.” She stammered and looked at appealingly. ''Forgive me, please.

”1 Late carelessness.” he mu.iered. and thee, with a smile, came to her ride and lock her in hi* arms. “It's all right now. darling. I've locked it and everything Is safe inside. Don't wait up for me. Go to bed and have a

food slezp. i’ll be Lack .-i dawn.”

Smiling and taarful, Mrs. Heliotrope watched her knight fate forth, and a great love and admiration welled <n her heat* at the sight of his stalwart

flgnte moving Into the darkness.

John Hr*«;fr»r« swung down the

d. His plans, matured dir ‘.r { week of study and observation, had for the sixth time encountered thvnforseen. a kennel of dogs, flt-rc*-. ox ultant. vastly mnged. Behind him oi he : jx-d empty handed down the road, another ear flew, a car containing a load of outraged citizenry. Through the quiet, faintly lighted streeta the chase led. Bullelts whistled by Jo'-n'v ears, thudded against the back of hi* machine. With a gasp of Joy he heard the noise of the purvuer .-rowing less, turned for an instant and percei red it a mere dot in the distar; road. He was safe. Hr turned off at right angle and drove ol at d minlshnJ sreed There came U, Mia a sudden mtlun of his complete failure*.! is too late to try a.-aln. «ad In!

,r>

and returned oa foot to the cottage which, he called home. As he walked, ctrtali Ideas coursed through hh brain, and a certain determination

brongh: a glint into his eyes.

He approached the co'.tage cautiously. There were obstacles, fearful obstacles. First, there was the

complete and elaborate system

burgUr alarms which he himself had had installed against Just such Inroads. He had pointed out to his wife that the valuables with which the cottago was laden made It a rich Held for his picfeeslon. Consequently bringing his inside information to bear upon the business, not a window was without its silver strips, not a door without its bells and devices . He had taken s'eps

even to Insure the basement

broaches against marauders. The windows on the second floor, the skylight on the roof, all were equipped

with there Satanic devices.

He paused before his home, and for the seventh time, that night he more. He racked his mind trying to remember a single vulnerable polrt he igbt have overlooked in bis outfitting There was none. Were be to pry open any window in the house 1< would rinr and jangle; any door It would hark and shriekj any brick, it would cry out his pneencc To the Eeighboihood and to his vlfe. Twite he ^Ir- d the cottage, gazing upon all points of Ingrro*. weighing his chances, acd twice he returned to his starting point, devperate anu angered. The chimney ! The thought came to him with a clear, joyouii bounce in-hi-, j

The chimney had been over-

looked. it was a brood. Santa Claus c’jimney, leading 'ato a great fireplace which had not been used for several e»cks. in too minutes he had gained the roof. In another be nad started down this inspiration or a chlmn> An Inconceivable blackness assailed him. Hie <«r* became clogged, his eyes laden, his mouth full, his bauds

heavy with

At last, however, hla foot touched bottom . He wedged bis bead out and stood in the sitting room of bis borne, (flipping with ashes and chimney re fur*-. Brushing himself quickly over the empty grate he tiptoed out of the r-sim. up stairs and into the corridor which his wife's chamber opened. He tried the door. It was locked. Again his previous caution mocked Not a door in the house but bad experienced his cunning locknisn.*sbip . Ko two tumbler bolt this, i Intricate Yale, doubly secured For another tec minutes he worked : it with no success. The dawn bad eome, and the air was beginning to mine with the sun. Casting his eyes frenzied!* about, he encountered glistening object on the floor, a key. He picked k up quickly and recog-

nised K nt once.

“The careless fool," he murmered professionally. He flitted It Into the lock, and the door opened noiselessly. Asleep in the bed lay his wife . He gased upon ’.rr -ompoBod features and tearful hesitation came Into hi* heart: such a cowardice as he had never before cxperirnced In his labors. Hit. tread was panther-like, his eye furtive and filled with terror. Slowii made his way to the wall safe, slowly and wilt infinite patience be urned the knob; listened to the click j of the tumblers. It opened. Before him lay two red leather cases on s shelf. Opening one of them ho a:.tncted a great pearl necklace; :« pendant of rubies two rings laden wit a! diamonds, and replaced the case II • j licked the Sife. be tiptoed out. be j tiptoed down the stairs after replaeine the key on the floor. Unco in the sit tin : room he drew Ms first happy tirea:b | He opened the front door with toll key. and a great jingling and tumult filled the house. A moment later he beard his wit • calling. “John. John, is

it youT”

"Yes darling.” he cried back. An appai ation in lace nightclothes descjpded the stairway and stood fac-

hlm.

"Why. John, look at yourself. Where* »vi- you been Heavens alive*” His wife stared at him. her mouth, >en. a look of fright and amusement !*“■ / 9nHE9MHii^^BS9HK3&

’Cause she took and nipped a chunk Big s a bean right out his palm; Swallowed It, and cool and calm Listed up and yelled “Cah-dah!” Bounded like she said “Hoo-rah!” Wall. sir. when the hen done that. Penn, he bowed, took off bis hat. Spunk Just suits him you can bet— “Set.” spys he, “gol darn ye, set!”

—Wellsvllie Reporter.

Miss Walcamp received -s a present a thoroughbred Pekinese deg while In Pekin. When she bcfXrded the train for Shanghai, being unaware that dogs received the same rights as humans while traveling hr rail, the failed to provide a tlcset for the pet At KanlMng the conductor cam 3 to her with a telegram advising him that a dog was traveling without having paid his legal fare The price of the ticket was less than *1 whll-s the cost of the telegram was »2.is. Miss Walcamp paid the fare and held 'he dignity of the Chinese rail

road officials.

few days later, while leaving

Tslnenfoo. the capital of Shantung,

two armed robbers burst Into Ml.

Walcamp'* compartment, and by signs and grouts commanded the actress to turn over her valuables to them. Sh^

ried to joke and smile, but the bandits meant buslnsss and continued

Mori things can be orordonc. Th-*, threats. She happened to thins rest cure Is all right unlit It becomes ! ot a nBl " 8he once used In a photo a habit. dtama and hurriedly pointed to the -- - floor, looking extremely horrified •John.” she repeated, “what has hap-1 TtL band1 '* tUTOfd “> the direction penedT" j Indicated and Miss Walcamp slammed Through the catted soot be grinned. ,h ' door * hu, • Tor help. There af her. and pulling from his pocket I wa * general commotion and a China pearl necklace, a pendant rf rubles. ■ —

handful of rings and trinkets.

the robbers escaped.

Mis* Walcamp and her company are

ut present in the rhllirpfncs, and wiii stop off for two weeks at Hawaii

Lefofe returning to America .

them aloft. A gurgle of delight came from her. “Your birthday." said John. "Mv respects and gifts.” Opening wldK her sleepy eyes Mrs. Heliotrope rushed toward John. 'Don't he warned, you'll get all sooty. I've had a hell of a time. Quick, put them In the safe. Or. no. ’ I'll put them there, you’re too care-

levs ”

•The birthuky party was a success. Resplcndant in silks and Jewels. Mrs. Heliotrope sat facing her husband af the table, her guests smiling sympathetically at the devotion ard gratitude which illumined the glances sh * cast upon her handsome husband. It was not until a w<-ek later that John Heliotrope thought it safe, however, to tummon the Anti-Burglar Protection Association and have an asbestos burg lar alarm installed In the chimney of

bis hotre.

-Hu

9104" JIMS

Butlettferagn. 1-C..3 N.2ht,Pbila.

Tobacco Exports The exported fraction of the tobacco crop has been a diminishing one. For 17M the fraction was 78 t; for 1845-51, 67 per cent; for 1875-1884. 54 per cent, from which the decline was steady to 41 per cert in 1905-1914. The percentage was 43 for 1915, 38 for 191€. 16 for 1917. and 47£ for 1918. no allowance being madt foi' the carry over. As a fraction of tbU country’s crop, the Imports of tobai con nerer exceeded 5 per ce.it un til 1906, when th**v were 5.4 per cent, and never exceeded 6 per cent, except in 1915. when they were narely more. 1516 when they were 6.6 per cent, and 1917 whe n they were 6.1 per cent The percentages are shown by the mortis of the Bureau of Crop Estimates. United States Department of

Agriculture.

U Need Thii Horarhold Necessity

Stoy’rBandy Capper andSpresd-

, J| er. Caps all vise bottles without

adjustments Nickled and polished. Made to last Price $1 50 with 1-2 gross cope; hardwoc.d mallet 75c extra; extra caps 35c per gross; Parcel post 10c extra. DIRrXTTION'S for USING i'lace tap or bottle, hold tapper on the same, and using wooden mallet or hammer, give one or two stiokes when cap is on. To use old caps, strike slightly with spreader end of cap-

per. corruga’ions up Manufactured By

A. F. STOY. 1828 FranUord Are. PHILADELPHIA, PA Phone,Kens

Don't Sell v our old Tires Send .em To Us By Parcels ! Post. We May Save Them for 1

You By Expert ,

Re-creadi-g. Double- j treading or Vukanizini; j If beyond repair, we «ill lake '

trade for any site tire 1

i them ir f you ni

Slightly used or re

„ , repair all sizes: from $3.0

, a full li. e of

Double Lock-Stitcaed Pun*.

BELL TIRE & REPAIR CO. 2«SS OsUaie »*., rHILAIIELVHIA. PA.

a Week Pays

for 1920

$3

CLEVELAND Light weight Moti.rcyrle. ready for immediate delivery, numeious improvvements, 75 miles on one gal. gas. Call and see the Machine and jet us demonstrate, or write for full information. Distributors for Philadelphia and State ot New Jersey. Haverford Cycle Co. 503 MaTt'erSt', 0 ' *PULdelphia

Templar The Superfine Small Car The Rakish “Sportette” The design of the Templar “Sportette ' is infused with origi-.ality, and has the mark of distinction engraved in every handsome line. It’s low-hung, graceful and daring: the summary of motoring style;witb club chair over-upholstery in smooth black leather full aluminum body bronce, wir Jshield set at a rakish angle. Five Passenger Touring $2685 Four Passenger Sportette $2685 Two Passenger Touring Koadtiri $2685 Five Passenger Sedan $3585 Prices f. o. b. Cleveland Davenport Motor Co. DISTRIBUTER 723 North Broad St. Service Station: 1718--22 Wood St.

“Kant-breaK” World’s Greatest Spark Plug COMPARED TO OTHERS. IT’S LIKE THE MAZDA LAMP TO THE TALLOW CASDLE Kntirr y piuttctrd with an armor of sleek No more broken* porcelain-.. VlTKi-SILLA top and cupi Can't shnii circuit. • Telesiope intern [tier or cuirent transformer, in air-tight vacuu- i chamber, pfodtucsTperiect combuttion; more power; less gas; stops , u ing. skipping, and jumping; makes starting easy; increases mileage -o 30 urrernt. ^ The "KANT-BREAK” tires in oil and -riles pep to cart'with 'ITte "KAXT-BRKAK"’-is being adopted . y the leading ioncemi throughout the rountiy. ami is the world’s gre-.test spark plug. It is indrstiuctibleand should last at long i* the motm. N-Ui under an absolute guarantee of aatikfkction or mooey back. Price, SI. 50. Dealers and Salesmen Wanted At.iil Ordm Fillrd Prtmfih. Make Altnty Ordm Payable rs LYONS AU TO SUPPLY CO. (Pennsylvania Ditti .ou-.ort) 218 North 15th St.. Philadelphia, Pa. •&// Phene, LteuU u 16