What Happened to Horace

A SHORT STORY

"Oh. I Torchy," Bays Mr. Robert as he coni'S breezln in from lunch about four hours earlier than usual, •‘did that McCrea person from Toledo happen to call when I was out?" "Only on the ■phone,” says 1. “to tell how he'd be in at 10.30 tomorrow. Had an important conference today.” “Huh:" says Mr. Robert. “So did L” “Startin' Oggle Dlair 15 up the on the string, eh?" 1 asks, grinnin." “Twenty,” corrects Mr. Robert. “And then be has the presumption to scratch a four-cushion shot for a cor ner gather and nurse 'em until Lj has run game . No one else called, eh?" “Only Mr. Varney,” says 1. “Well, how was old Horace ” asks Mr. Robert. "Seemed to have his usual grouch with him,” says I. Mr. Robert chuckles. "What in particular has embittered poor Horace agiinst the wor’d now?" he asks. HfltU . bitted to the winter greens at Apawamis, “-ays I. •That was his deepest growl. S.:id if it hadn't been for that crime which thre him off his putting ,he'd have broken 90 yesterday. Threatens to resign, give up golf, or do something else deseprate." “How familiar that all sounds," says Mr. Robert. “Anything else wrong with the universe?" “Oh, yes," says I. “The calendar is on the blink, accordin'to him. It's too late to stay at any Northern resorts, too messy in town, and too early to go to i’inehurst or Hot Springs. Then his man wants to take a month off to go back to England and look after a sister who’s been lef a widow, and Mr. Varney say swho the blazes is get his bath ready and lay out 1 shavin' things if that happens." “Who indeed!” say, Mr. Robert. “Poor old Horace: He leads a hard life, doesn't he ” “Perfectly poisonous,” says I, and we swaps grins. Not that he don't sympathize more or leas with Horace. We do. He has to stop so many half-arm jolts from the rude fist of Fate as Mr. Robert puts it One day he'll be hookin’ his drive, m tybe the next a careless club waite* will bring him his filet of sole without the sauce tartar, and that name <-venin' perhaps his bridge partner will double three spades when he should he iso Mr. Varney's no-trump and give him a > nance to make the ruhber. Always something or other. \s a rule he comes in a ad tells us all about it. Course, if Mr. Robert is there and ain't too busy, he gets life tale, but if no one else is handy 1 have to stretch a more or less willing ear. I’ve listened to a lot of harrowin' details: how he suspects Jepson of waterin' his private stock, what a poor time he had at a week-end house party up in the Berkihires where a young widow from Richmond made him sit ont In the moonlight will: her until he got the sniffles, or how that silly sister-in-law of his lured him out to Montclair and pa kcd him oil through dinner nexi to a baby vamp who giggled in his oar »r.d afterward tried to show him some new Jazz steps. From all of which you might gather that Horace Varney was an unfortunate gem who was doing his best to have a g,'od time in a world that was badly organized for that purpose. Fairly good guer.s. Outside of that he's a bachelor well along In the thirties, with a tine Roman no.-e. .. cleft chin, and a deep worry wrinkle between hi* thick eyebrows. It ain't the price of a new winter overcoat, or the tax on silk pajamas, or the slump in oil stocks that worries Horace. No. He's got an income that, will stand any strain you could think up. short of financin' a slush fund or abekin* a musical show on a road tour. 1 don't know Just what it comes from, and I doubt if Horace could teli exactly. Mainly 1 believe bis capital is Invested in public service corporations —electric light, gas and trolley companies all over the couqntry—so when yon get stuck with a 10-cent fare somewhere. or find your kilowate hour has been Jumped, you can have the satisfaction of knowing that part of it got* to Horace, who will see that most of it gels back into circulaticn prompt ly. He didn't even pile up all theta preferred stocks originally. A kind old Uncle of his who was a corporation lawyer did that for him. years ago. 1 oarin' the lot to Horace because be couldn't take it along with him when he shuffled off so sudden. 1 must say it was kind of interestin’, though, bearin' bow Hon.ce was mistreated You know I've always had a hunch that if 1 should ever connect with a free flowin’ income like that. w<*b no work hung on iu no office hours to put u. and nothing to do bu« ramble around here and there as the notion struck me—well. I'd back myself to have one whale of a time. Usittus like u sure-thing proposition, eh? And yet Horace don't seem to find It so easy, if he strikes a place where

By SEWELL FORD

the golf is good and foursomes easy to get up. then the table is sure to be punk or else the climate will go abek on him. Maybe the eats will be grand and the fairways only fit for cowpostures . He never can tell. All he's sure of Is that it'll be something or somebody that'll drop the bee In the cold cream, or the fly in the oatmeal, or whatever the saying is. It's so little that Horace asss too. Everything in the world he wants Is to be let alone while he's making himself comfortable and happy. If he was one of these aimless, uncertain parties who ain't ouite «ure what they want or would be diff'rent. But Horace 1* sure. He could give a complete list any time you'd care to listen. He awnts a particular corner table In the club grill, and his favorite waiter; he wants his man to pres- his clothes just so, his caddy to stand in a certain place when he makes a shot, and bis bridge partner to make the exact lead that will fit his hand. Also he'd like to have the thermometer never drop below TO or get above 76. his trains always to be on time, and rainy days to come only twice a month. And when things happen otherwise he put up a howl. “Say. how does he get that way?” I asked Mr. Robert once. •'It's quite simple." says Mr. Robert. "By centering his attention on one person—Horace Varney. Behold, Torchy. a self-pampered old bachelor who w.gs once rather a human and likeable chap. Never develop an ego like that, Torchy. if you can help it.” "I>t chance I'd have.” says I, “with a Job like mine. Still. Mr. Varney seems to thrive on it. Hooks like quite a husk." "Horace takes rather good care of himself." says Mr. Robert. So it’s kind of a siurprise, here a month or so abek. when the word comes in that Horace is in i private hospital uptown and wants Mr. Robert to come and see him. Somehow he seems to be a little sby on friends; that la the sort he could call on in a case like that. Aayawy .Mr. Robert cancels a few business dates and trots up. "He may have been in a taxi accident." says M*. Robert. 'Or his ego may have shifted to the wrong side.' I suggests. jt when Mr. Robert comes back he reports that both guests were wrong. Horace bar bad trouble* with bis appendix and has bad to lose it. i all right now. tho"rti: at least, tear as a man ran be who's Just had his plumbing revised and is still arin' a silver tube In his side. But It had all come so sudden, and Horace has had so little experience along that line, that he's had a big scare thrown into him. "Also." adds Mr. Robert, “he appears rather indignant that such an outrageous thing should be visited on him. I gather tnat Horace seems to think that a long standin' conspiracy to put him on the fritz has come to a head In this final attempt and oe don’t know Just who to blame for it. Course, he puts most of it on the doctor, who has ordered him to lie flat on nls back and won't let him have anything to •■at but baby food. He's some sore on the nurse, too. and has confided to Mr. Robert that she's a cold-blooded, heartless female who spoons gruel into him with no mot* feelln’ than she would have in fillln an oil stove Anti how he's ever going to stand two or three weeks of this he don't know. “I fear they're going to find Horace rather difficult,*' says Mr. Robert, shruggin' his shoulders. "He has been so accustomed to having bis own way about everything, you see.” Anyway, it showed up the kind of a friend Mr. Robert could be in a ['inch. Almost every day he find* rime to dash up for a few minutes with Horace, and when he can't get there himself he never leaves for home at night without sondln bin* a chirky message. And the things he thinks of to cart up to him—flowers tnd magazines and cheerin' books and new puzzles. Now and then he'd send in*. It aws along in teh second week that 1 berun noticin' a change in Horace. I'd gone up with at* odd mechanical toy that Mr. Robert had found in some shop and for a wonder Horace seems quite interested in it. windin' it up and watchin' it work. "Clever, eh?" he remarks. “I mus' show this to Miss Moran." "Eh?" says 1. gawpin'. ’Sly new ».sy nurse." he explains. ‘'She'll be in soon. Just stepped down stairs to get my dailv dose of milk toast. She—she's quite a wonder. Torchy. I'd like to have you meet her and see if you don't think so." "Sh~ must be.” says I. “if she strikes you that way." Even at that 1 was lookin' for the usual crabby complaint shout this or that, but it don't come And when Miss Moran glides in easy with the 1 sizes her up cuHous. Can't 1 was thrilled, though. All 1 can

is a kind of cute little party with shiny black hair and big brown eyes. She ain't much more'n a half portion. Miss Moran, but what there is of her Is neat and trim, and you know how much one of them nurse's costumes helps It's the narrow little rosebud mouth, though, that gat's me suspicioue. I like 'em a little wide cut. But there was no gettln' away from the fact that Miss Moran's was easy to listen to. It’s me of the soft- cooey kind that’s almt st too good to be true. “O-o-o-o, isn't that funny “ she gurgles. as Horaci shows her how the '.jy works. "Bit well have to put it on the table m w. won't we, while you have the nice milk toast that I made you all by my elf.” "Oh. 1 say. Miss Moran!" protests Horace. “You must'nt go bothering to cook for me, vou know." "But I like uInsists Miss Moran. “Now we'll pro; you up with some pillc*ws—no, don't try to do it yourself. 1 can lift up yo ir shoulders.” "See that, Torchy " says Horace. "She won't let ne do a thing for myself. and I fee; almost like walking down stairs. Making a regular baby

of me''

“You'll haw. to stand It, you bad boy, for a few days lou-*r.” cries the nurse as she pats him gently shoulder. And before 1 loaves Horace geta a chance to whisper to me on the side: "Have Bob send up a rouple of orchestra seats for some good play tomorrow night." 'You mean it?" oays I. “For Miss Moran and her room mate.” adds Horace. "Flowers, too. and a taxi, of course. Charge 'em to me. Her night off. you know. I—I want to do a little something for her. You understand?" “Uh-huh," says I. winkin' at him. Mr. Robert is almost as much surprised as I was. "Don't tell me he thought of doing that all by himself." says he. "Must have." says I. 'unless that new nurse has him hypnotised. “If she can influence Horace to give a thought to any other human being" says Mr. Robert, “she deserves promotion.” "Maybe that's what she’s working for,” says I. Not that I really believed Horace could be permanently pried loose from bis fixed habits, for he's about as skirt-shy as they come. His f».*orIte slogan had always been. “No equal suffering for me."meaning the hymeneal noose. Also he'd had a lot oi practice in dodgin' the net, aa you can imagine. Yet the next trip I makes up to the hospital, which is only a few days later he starts right in tellin' me things about “Peggy." "Eh?" nays I. “What Peggy?" “Why, Miss Moran." says he. workin. up a blush. “You know. Torchy. she's quite a remarkable girl. I—l’v found out a lot about her lately.” •'Well, well!" rays I. “Been looking her up in 'Who's Who'? “We've been having long talks." says Horace, “and she has been Idling me how she happened to lake up nursing. It reetns that her father used to be In the wholesale liquor business up in Fpringfleld. Mass. He was one of those chaps who didn't believe hat prohibition would ever come and so when the great drouth did desend it caught him with most of his capital tied up in bonded liquor. Then his business ;w»tcredout and there he was with a big family s;nd no income. Peggy was right in the middle of a musical course at the Boston Conservatory—she sings very well, you know —but rbe quit all that and studied joke, this hospital work. 1-ong hours md very little pay for the first year or so. But she's sticking to it and doing her best." I nods careless. “A lot of 'em seem to like the life” says I. "I'm sure Peggy doesn't." says Horace. “although she never makes a complaint . But Just think what tt means to a girl like her. Why. here she has given up her music, her friends, every thing, to trot around waiting on a lot of whiny invalids and disable grouches —such as I, for example. That'* 1 call tough. And the work is too hard for her. She's rather a frail little *hfng. Think of lifting me half a dozen times a day. and running back and to. ti from the diet kitchen, three flights down! She should'! be doing it. I'm trying to make it as easy for her as ! can by not asking to be moved often, and going without things. Well, why are you shaking your head that

way?"

“I didn't knoa you was worseagain.” says I. “Too bad.'' “Bat I'm not wodse.' Insists Horace. “I'm feeling fine, and getting strong every day. The doctor tells me 111 be out in anitbnr week which will be almost a r»-*cord recovery. Most of H due to Peggy too. And by the way. Torchy. I iwsh you'd do a little shopping for me. What are these fur things girls j

Things You Do Not Know About the Movies Q.—When is Louise Fazenda's birthday? A—Louise was horn on the seventeenth of June. 1S95. Q—What is Alice Holllsterts hobby? A—Mias Hollister has a strange hobby for a woman: it's fishing. She is an honorary member of 33 fishing dubs. Q—How much detail does a motion picure synopsis contain and how does it differ in this respect from the continuity which might bo prepared Irom this same synopsis? A—The scenario writer should remember that his story is the original story' and it is chiefly concerned with the plot. It need contain therefore only such details os are germalne to the development of the plot. Make your meaning and the plot clear and leave the details and their interpretation to the continuity writer. Any Incidents or bits of business which you think might help the story but which do not affect the plot can bo safely inserted. But in writing a scenario remember that your chief function is to devote yourself to the working out of a stronger plot. Q—What old-time moving picture actress, a favorite in her days, is to return to the screen after an absence of several years? A—Octavia Haadwortb. Q—What two American screen players are the most popular 'n Bra-

zil?

A—In a popularity contest recentlyheld In this South American country Dorothy Dalton and William S. Hart ecured the most votes. Q—What two screen actresses are credited with having appeared In more pictures with wild animals than any others A—Juanita Hansen and Katblyn Williams. Q.—How old is Montague Love A—Montague is 43 years old and not married. He lives at No. 19 Fiftyninth Streei. New York City. Q—Of what nationality is Douglas MacLean. A—Doug is an American of Scotch descent- His father is now a minister in Washington. D. C. Q—Are William S. Hart and J. Warren Kerrigan married? A—All reporta to the contrary, both are still single.

A Land Clock That Strikes Ship Time A* seafarers enter New York harbor and sail past the famous Batter; they are welcomed every half hour by a big bell in the tower of the first dock on the New York side of North River. It is a welcome sound, especially to sailors and seafaring men because it strikes ship time That is. it strikes one at 12.30 A. M. and one mon. every half hour until 'eight bells," or 8 o'clock, in the morning. Then It begins over again and strike up to eight bells at 4 o'clock in the afternon and so on througbtout the day. This new pier cloc’- is said to be the only one of its kim in :be United States, it has four glass dials in the tower, each six feet in diameter, and is illuminated automatically by electric light at night. Just behind the dials is a thousand-pound bronze bell which was recently presented as a memorial to t) e sailors and soldiers who gave their lives in the great war “that freedom might live.” The clock is different from most of its kind, in that it has only one hammer p* a striker, insteed of two. while the workers are so carefully constructed that automatic strikes not only con'roi the length of the blows, but prevent them from going beyond the number required. The works are a marvel of construction. The mechanism receives its power from weights, which are electrically wound.

wear around their shoulders; those

white, fluffy funs? “White fox” says I.

| “That's it," says he. "I wish you'd have two or three s«*nt up on approval ! »he can pick out one th..t suits her. Wait. IH give you a «*h«ck to open an account fc me. You don't mind

doing it, do you?"

"No.” says I. “Only It strikes me you're gettln in iknd of deep. givSnher fur* and things. Eh?" Oh. that'll be all right," says Hor-

«*.e. laughin’ easy

So about ten days later. When Mr. Roebn spring* his big news on me. he don't catch m«* with my mouth open. “What do you suppose dear old Horace has gone and done now?" he i^ks “Escaped from the hospital and fallen into matrimony " says 1. “Nothing leas'' says Mr Robert. 'But Low did you guess it?"

In the Kitchen

PEACH AND PICKLE RECIPES Path Salad Peal and cut Into four pieces four large peaches, one orange, one apple and two banana*. Mix togeather. then arrange on individual serving dishes lined with lettuce leaves. Pour over golden salad dressing, made aa follows: Mix togeather two level teaspoonfuls of vinegar, onehalf teaspoonful of dry mustard, oneeighth level teaspoonful of salt and one egg. Cook over a slow fire until very thick, stirring continuously. When cold, thin out with cream or mUk. Peach Custard Pie Line a deep plepan with pie crust. Fill nearly full of sliced peaches and sprinkle liberally with sugar. Bake until the crust Is crisp and peaches are soft. Make a custard of one cupful of milk, two eggs, two tablespoonfuls of sugar and one-half teaspoonful of vanilla. Pour it over the peaches and return to the oven Just long enough to set the custard. Little Peach Pudding Cream togeth«*r two level tablespoonfuls of butter and two heaping tablesiroonfuls of sugar. Sift together heaping table-spoonfuls of corn starch, a pinch of salt and one heaping teaspoonful of abking powder; add to the butter and sugar mixture. Stir in one beaten egg yolk and one tablespoonfi of milk and beat the beaten egg white. Grease six earthenware custard cups, pul in a genertablespoonful of sliced sugared peaches and over the fruit a generous tablespoonful of batter. Steam for 45 minutes and serve wiib cream or any liquid sauc'*. Excellent Mixed Pickles Chop together two parts each of cauliflower, onions and string beans, and four parts of cucumbers. Place in granite vessel and cover with one gallon of vinegar to which has been added one pint of sugar, a quarter pound mixed spices and one tablespoonful of salt. Cover and boil slowly until vegetables are tender, when they are ready to pack in Jars and ml. Cooked Chow-Chow Chop fine one gallon cabbare, one gallon green tomatoes, three green peppers If desired, one quart of onions: add two pounds of sugar, four tablespoonfuls ground mustard and the same of vinegar; also mix spices If desired. Put all in granite stewpan.

KITCHEN COMFORT From necessity rather than from deliberate choice many housekeepers are taking kitebenett* apartments, and wiord and wonderful are the ways in which cooking Is accomplished in some of them. For despite the fact that a small kitchen is more timesaving and step saving than the oldfashioned, large, “roomy'' ones, there is a point at which condensation of space means decrease of comfort. I have no illusions about apartment kitcbenett<*s as they are being made in apartment hous-s in the large cities They are usu.illy crowded into spaces, frequently dark, and invari-

ably inconvenient, n lo U.C louMlceper her,,? J* * P™MU, 1 * »ora or lion or kitebenett., Tbe , c ,„ able, of course, are thoi.. ;a ‘ a stove, sink and refrireri,,, grouped in one plae.-. i h tmd used genuine kitchen.-,,,'. , sort, and they are by f» r „ , convenient of all cookin* p^,. they are rare, a real kitcb*. this sort makes it poesibl* „ within arm's rrach everyth,nr, for the preparation of food^' . with supplies, water, store ^ frigerator close together j, M bit crowded rt limes, esp,*^ Ing the dishwashing hour. b a , » whole it is convenient. In Tiny Sptce Less comfortable and far - common, are the socalled kia ett-sette* which are reallv Zj but a shelf for a gas plate. x 01 | a mistake to believe that it Just aa convenient to run to the rom for supplies, elsewhere f 0 rv and still otherwhere to the reffi tor. Give preference to the ^ rnent kitchenette that has some (f , wherein you can erect shetra place container.: It is astonishing bow much crowded Into a little space with t of ingenuity. in one kitrho, space only *!4x28. the use of » B gas plate on a iznc-lined shelf i;;, sufficient room—small though it, —to use the shtif as a prepaRtru as well. Above there were : shelves, one quite lew. on which n condiments of several kinds, ui, sL p’es as flour, rice, brrakfar. „ als, coffee, tea. etc. On the q shelf were canned goods and « seldom used staples. Look for T! ese No kitchenette could be used i even the smallest decr-e of con ence without cup hooks. 0a lower shelf of this kitchenette n of cup hooks made It possible -.o i pend iwthin convenient reach ■ small articles as egg-beater. Rig can opener, pancake turner, art assortment of kitchen knives ihitl screw on which the pot* sad ? should always be hung flit the wall of the kitchenette— ing- them centrally from i rt means that they take up more qi than is absolutely necessary Underneath the zinc shelf «a Ing the gns plate—this shelf N-ai high fro mihe floor as an orta table—there was room for a « small ice box with a door openirt ward instead of from the top 2 Ice box rested on the floor, and «' of It the ingenious housekeeper U large tin in which bread, cikf 1 crackers were kept. This ^ luteiy tne most cc upset kitcb*! for the space available I*, bid rt convenience within arm's readj cept water, which had to be tti* from tbe next room. Keep a awlchful eye out fortHI conveniences of the kkchenrt“ 1 fore moving in, for these scull ^ require more ingenuity than ti** one*.

Woodworker’s Handy Tool Box The carpenter who is called ujkmi to move around from one point of operations to another generally requirt,* for the purpose* of hi* work tool box and a saw horse, and these two are combined in a new device. The apparatus looks like a small edition of an upright piano and offers all the facilities lor accommodating ill the various Tools and Implement r that might be called for. In addition to this, a shelf portion may be raised and It provides a fairly satisfactory To act as a work bench.

An effort is being made « * of the streams of the Far ^ popularize a means of note: I" 1 slon which is unique, if no'.btr-' - can be said of it. The crab 1 plied with a dual me*r.grension. the usual propel!*" belt system on the same prin . the tanks of battlefield* ^ pod with. This enables lb' rv ‘ be guided through reascnsM? 1 water by means of the L blades m.de use of on and when in shallow water pelier is withdrawn and tbe stallation .-'ade use of This ^ coining in contact with tbe •*“ and really lifts the craft o» shallow place*.

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