—

When is a C

up-Up

A SHORT STORY . , .

By SEWELL FORD

Maybe I was telling yon about the little motor tor- \re took with Pinckney up through the slate roof and marble quarry section of New England and how we discovered Lulu PiUey when we stopped at Simpkinsville for one of Mrs. Poster's chicken dinners. Well, there was one other chapter of that trip that might be worth while sketrhin' out. Anyway, it got me kind of Interested. I might say it gave me a new slant on the wall-known human race. First off we'd planned on only a luncheon stop at this Pine Tree lodge. Don't they think ui some fancy names for them summer hotels, though? Only none of 'em is hotels any more. No. That's old stuff. They’re either inns or lodges or manors. I expect it looks better on the letter heads and gives 'em their only excuse for soaking you transient rates that would make a Plutoria room cleric blush. I must admit, though, that thi Pine Tree Ludg<. Joint wasn't so bad. Kind of a cute hundred-room establishment facin' a little lake snuggled in between the hills. And out front is a whale of a big pine trr< regTar old he-pine, that waves its branches S'i feet or more above the third story dormers. Had quite chec-ful lobby, too, with a big fireplace at one end and a sixable ballroom openin' off one side. Also the eats were fairly good and the Jazx orchestra was as lively and noisy as any collection of banjo thumpers and saxophone blowers you'd find along

Broadway.

That wasn't why we stretched it into an overnight stop, though. No. Partly it was the steady drizzle that set in while we was havin' our lunch, and partly it was mootin' up with the Oggie Blairs. You know it was along towards the end of the season, ust after Labor Day. when those peaces thin out so sudden. So. Just as our party of four assembles to advance on the head waiter, and we're glancin' around the almost empty dinin’ room, Pinckney registers Joy. "Oh. I say. Shorty!" says he "See who we have with us. Tie Oggie Blairs'. A bit of luck. wh;.t?'' "Some might call it that." says 1. Personally 1 shouldn't get thrilled over meet in' Oggie anywhere. But then, neither would he ov«T meetin' me. So it's a stand-off. Chiefly we split over the way we Ik the language. 1 understand l.e thinks I use som.* kind of a dialect that he calls "Pure Manhattane.se," and a standln' Joke of his is to ask Pinckney to translate some of my remarks. Now I’ll tell you how Oggie talks it: usee a Ham. Mabie imitation of Copley square imitation of Lord Du Many givin' a lecture and chewin' a marshmallow at the same time. He tells about "having bean thea-uta l-.wst season, y’know." and things

like that.

Then there's Oggie’s method of sizin' up folks. The ones whp count either have lots of money and read The Atlantic Monthly, or else they read The Atlantic and haven't much. As for the others, they're onl. useful in swellin' the census reports, maybe, they're needed to work ir. factories and ran trains, and clerk In stores and so on. JBut of course they're socially Impossible. Oggie is alinsislin' on that point. And yet in his way 1 expect Oggii Blair is more or less entertainin' Hi has a line of chat that's kind o bright and snappy, 'specially when he's among parties that i''ll pay be nice to. For the Blairs ain't such plutes themselves. They're the kind who've had It left, to 'em and have more some day if the will reads right Meanwhile they're scrubbtn' along the best they can with only two maids and a closed coupe that Oggii picked up at a bargain two seasons

back.

So maybe you can guess that Oggie is just as glad to see Pinckney a Pinckney is to see him and the

Utterly erode, y'know—no shower in the bawth room, no golf, no billiards. But the most bitter blow of all was having to assemble at 8:30 for a company breakfast. Fawner! A lot of fried things, when all I ever take is tea and toast and marmalade. And it's so ghastly getting up at that hour of the nu.nilng. And facing sausages and griddle cakes, too! But we did it; eh, Madge " “Must have been harrowing.” says Picnkney. “Now you know how the early Christian martyrs felt. Oggie. How noble of you not to perish on the breakfast table perhaps with your fork spearing a sausage and a second helping of pancakes clutched in your

other hand."

"Now stop spoofing!” says Oggie T know what you v-ould have dom sent your little wlfle down after rolls ■ifee and made her tell them you'd been ill at night. Eh. Jerry' Oh. yes, when them two get • kiddin* each other they're almost rcugh about it. 1 expect they pulled some good comedy lines, too. I'll admit that the bulk of it got past but the ladies giggled more or less, and Oggie fairly roared at some of his own jabs, and altogether I suppose our table was more or less noisy. Might have seemed so on account of the other guests being so quiet. Couldn’t have been more'n a couple of dozen besides our party most of ’em kind of oldish couples who was tendin' strictly to the Job of wadin' through the menu. We got to lookin' around and framin' 'em up and remarkin' what odd types they were. 'Specially pair that had been shoved over Into a dark corner at a little table against L Course, there was plenty of places on the lake side, where It was bright and cheerful, but it's plain the head waiter had shunted these two over there on purpose, figurin' that he wouldn't get a tip out of 'em

"Oh. 1 say, old chap, but this is perfectly rippin', y'know!” he claims, jumpin’ up hasty. "Madge 1 were just wondering whatever should do. stranded here in this bosstly little hole. But now—Say. can't we Join f <rci*s? What about a big table for all of us? 1 say, my man!*' and be snaps his fingers at the head waiter. Well, you know how it is. Inside of ten minutes we're a merry little group, with Oggie the life of the party, as usual He’s idlin' what a weird week-end they've Just been having up at somebody's Place in thc mon ii tains. “Nice enough people," he explains. "Ob, really! The sort one ge:s friendly with on board ship. And they’d entertained us quite decently j at /heir home in Washington. Bui why they should insist on asking us; up to this Camp Namaukeg place 1. cawn't for the life of me understand, j

female half of the sketch Is dumpy old girl who's dressed kind of dowdy and old-fashioned, while the man Is a heavy-set, short-legged gent with his hair cut round In the back and Jutty black eyebrows couldn’t see his face very well as h< keeps It near his plate HeSt just eating and not eayin’ a word. "Sociable couple, eh?*' comments Oggie. "Wholly occupied with the process of mastication.” ' Poor ola thines!"Vays Mrs. Oggie. ‘Probably they're unused to eating in public. Now I’ll wagt-r if h« could take his coat off and tuck his napkin under his chin he'd feel much more

at home."

"Suppose you suggest to him.” says Pinckney, "that we are perfectly willing to waive the conventions." "Where do they come from, such persons?" asks Oggie. "Where and why? Surely, they can't be enjoying themselves, can they?" “Ask Shortv," says Pinckney. "My guess Is that they are." sa-s I. "1 can almost tell. where they come from. too. Them ears with th< hair tufts in 'em look sort of familiar. If I could only get a better look at his face—There, he's turnin' his bead Why. sure! That’s Alonzo T. Gillis. president of the Nut and Bolt Works, from my own home town.

Ain't it. Sadie?”

And Mrs. McCabe backs me up. "I'm almost sure it is." says she. “Oh?" says Oggie. "Neighbors of years? I trust we haven't said any-

thing we—”

"Don't worry." says Sadie. "They’rt rather distant neighbors—four oi five miles. I think. In fact. I've nevet seen Mis. Gillis before. Where is it

I've seen him. Shorty?"

"At political rallies, most likely,” says I "He's one of the kind they fry the fat out of durin* campaigns so they line him up with the other* at the back of the stage when the big candidates come out to speak, maybe you've seen him down at the First National, where he'e a direc-

tiyin' to discover what we found so funny. And then afterwards, when little Mrs. Blair joins Oggie and 1’inckney by smokin’ a cigarette in the lobby, some of the old ladles went bug-eyed at the sight. Next Pinckney is moved to dance, so he slips a five-spot to the orchestra leader and gets him to switch from the afternoon concert stuff to a Jozz; one-step, and him and Madge Blair springs their new shimmy shiver until most of the old girls who was peckin' in got gaspy. And Oggie has to horn in by substitutin' at the traps and introducin' a few stunts seldom

seen on any stage.

So. take it by and large, we wet* quite a frisky lot. I saw the hous manager givin' us the once over, but he only smiles good nr.tu'red. Most likely he'd looked up Pinckney's name on the register and was more or less tickled to have a real smar setter like that drop In on him. m

mattre what antics he pulled. For a

while there we owned the place, as 1 others more ordinary than usual.

lady kittenish.

And shortly after that I was able to pick out Gus myself. He's a poddy, bald-headed party with a round, highcolored face and a cut-up twinkle in his eye I knew then that we should hear more or less from Gus. And did- He was a comedian alone his own lines, Gus was. Inside of five minutes he'd decorated himself with one of the ladies' uats and was paradin’ around the lobby draped in some woman's checked coat and everybody was gigglin’ at him. Gus didn't hav the field all to himself, though. Half an hour later tall, thin guy with a face like a horse came on the scene and was balled Joyous by everybody in sight "Little Pete." Wearin' his hat over one ear and a cigar in one corner of his mouth seemed to be Pete's specialty. It wasn't such a killin' act but it got howls of merriment out of

the growin' multitude.

Fbr the cars kept on arrivin’ and

unloadin' more noble Knights. They hardly looked the part. If I'd bee miessin' without any inside dope from

Alonzo I might have sized ’•

delegates to a Cow and Hog Products Convention, or something rural like that. Anyway, few of 'em was noble to look at. They was mostly plain, ordinary folks: some painfully plain.

you might say. 'Specially aftdecided to stay all night and engaged some of the best suites. Somehow, though when I tan across the Gllllses, siltin' quiet in a corner and watrhin' the proceedin's like a couple of knot-hole patrons at ball game. 1 felt kind of sorry for tn. I'd only had a sort of noddin’ scquainiance with Alonzo at home, but it seemed to me mat here was my chance cue to forward with the friendly hail So I dies. 'Well. ir. Gillis,” says I, strollin' up casual, "off on a little tour, eh?” He admits that he is and intro-

duces Mrs. Gillis.

"Going on up into the mountains tomorrow, are you?” I asks. !o” says he. 'We—we’re staying here for a couple of days." Oh. you are?" says I. "Don’t you find it sort of lonesome, knockin' around this way by you-selves?' . little.” says he. "Mother and me don't get away from home much and we ain't used to these swell hotels. But it'll be different when the bunch gets here. I expect." • Eh?" says I. “What bunch?" "The Knights.” says he. "I don't get you yet.” says I. “Why. the Nohle Knights of Nlnevah." says he. 'We're havin' our annual conclave here, you know, tartin’ tonight. Lookin' for about a hundred and fifty of ’em to show up. They ou„ t to be rollin' in soon, some

of '

tor."

'That's it *t the hi ‘But 1 thought I'd n a the Yacht Club" "No." says I. "I ez

rery clubby.” iruly r-llcv

"Now perhni

I !

Mr Gillis

' Oggi add that your

•ck and

t hardly

rly spirit. Evidently hi •ond plate of lee cream •e* mention the eotje

risk it. He's holding up a forefinger. But she declines to see It T«o bad' given up and is folding his napvery neatly. Ah ha? And he's pocketing the half dollar he meant to under the edge of the plate v are ilmila to bis meekm-ss. it

ar*. Brav . Alonzo!”

*. 1 expect we got off a lot of •r stuff about the various p.-opl«> •iitt Anv way. we had a lively lean and mot of the other guests stretchln' their necks our way i

'You don't say?" says I. “Noble Knights of Ninevah. eh? What kind ' an order is that?” "Benevolent, fraternal and protec ve," says Alonzo, as if he was quotin' from a prospectus. ‘The insuranci feature don't amount to much, but t're strong on the fraternal part. Got a lo' of our castles established up through this section, mainly in the small towns. Aud once a year we get together ot some place like this and have a good time. Get special rates. know, by coming at the and of the season.” see." says I. “And you’re a little ahead of the others ” es." says Alonzo. "Thought I'd n hand and see that eve-ythlng was all fixed for us.” 'Maybe you're one of the officers?” suggests. Alonzo nods. "Exalted Supreme Grand." says he. 'Gosh!" I gasps. "All that? Why. i must be the big noise." 'I suppose I am.” says he. "You s. e. I went into the order when It was first organized, about 15 voara ago. and I've been wo rilin' up ever since. I was elected Exalted Supreme Grand a year ago last fall and have another twelve months to sene.” 'Well, well!” says 1. starin' at him. "But what do you do at these af-

fairs?"

"We start w!*h our annual oanquet tonight," says he. “There'll be speeches and musin and so on. Then there'll be the annual hall, and tomorrow we'll have our baseball game and other sports. Always manage to have a good time somehow or other. You know?" I didn't then, but I do now First off I was goln' to give Pinckney and the others a hunch of what was on the cards, but on second thought I decided not. Might be more inter-

stin' to keep it to myself and ■he*, happened. And for a while 1 as kind of disappointed. The first *w cars that rolled In out of the il:i unloaded i lot of damp, bedragled. sort ol countryfled appearin' dlls who filtered in with their suit ises and rain coats and stood round the log fire chartin' quiet. But - more of 'em came along, aud old friends l* gun meetin', they got to reelin' . < h other free and not'y. "For tli-- land sakes. if there ain't •us Preble!" squeals one black-eyed ditme who seems to be dressed a lit- • fancier than the other women. "Oh you, Gus!" sings out another'

But they didn't seem to mind that. Not a bit. By the time a hundred or to had collected and got to greetin' the cries they’d met before, and the new mentis t* was bein' Introduced around, and Gus and Little Pete hau thought up new acts to spring, the lobby was a lively spot. There was a hum of chatter like a flock of flivvers startin' on low. with frequent outbursts of giggles and snickers and haw-haws as some little group let Itself go over a new Joke or maybe an old one. And right in drifts the rest of party from the card room where they'd been stagin' a bridge game. Yo should have seen the look on Oggie's face, not to mention Pinckney's ea-pression. "What—what the deuce!” says Tinckney. “I say. Shorty, how long has this been going on?” "Oh, ab-»t an hour.” says I. "But what's it all about?" demands Oggie. “Who are all these weird per-

sons?"

"Huh!” says L "Can't you tell a Noble Knight of Ninevah when you see one? Well, that's what they are. And these are their nohle ladies with ’em. Annual conclave, you know. More coming every minute. The bot«i is going to be full of ’em for the next two days.” “Oh. I say!” p otested Oggie. “How perfectly dreadful!” That seems to be Pinckne: 's verdict, too. and Mrs. Blair and Sadie agree with ’em. First off they for packin' up and hikin’ right out. but then they decided it's too lat> Jump to another town and that they'd best stick it out. May be rather amusing, after all.’ says Pinckney. I've never mlne’.cd much with noble knights before." Don’t kid yourself." says 1. You 't going to do much mirelln’ now. We're rank outsiders at this show." we were, too. When our little slxsome drifts down for a seven cl(“k dinner the annual banquet was in full swing. We are towed to a corner table at the far end of the idnln' room and one of the hues boys Is assigned to take our orders, all the regular waitresses' belc" busy with the Noble Knights. “What an awful clatter!" says Madge Blair. 'Seem to be a folksy bunch, don't they?” says I. “Got a lot to say to each other over their food, eh ” "Positively disgusting!" says Oggie. I had to grin at that. But about then someone begun hammering with fork on a water glass and from a big flower decorated table In the cenof the room risee the poddy form of Alonzo T. Gillis. He's no longer the meek party who lunched In a dark corner. On his wide chest Is pinned a Jewel set gold badge as big a saucer and around his shoulder s wearin' a sort of crimson silk scarf edged with gilt fringe. Also his big. high-colored face is beamin'. 'Noble Knights and Lad*, a," he begins in a thin, pipin’ voice. At which up rises Gus, the cornedhe roars out. n. "What's the matter with Gillis?'' "He's all right!" the crowd roars back at him. "Who's all right?” insists Gus. "Gillis!” howls the mob. Pinckney leans

all have a good time and do all they can to promote the good of the order. Having got that out o; his ystem he announces that Nohle Knight Gus Parker will now favor the assemIbace with one of his side splittln' Imitations. Which Gus promptly proceeds to do. He gives an imitation of Harry Lauder. Anyway, he said that's what it was. Next Little Pete is called on :o render a vocal selection. and Pete was right there with the gods, givin' 'em "Rocked in the Cradle of the Deep." with the low notes cornin' straight from his boots We had to let our roast turicey get cold while we pretended to listen to it. The Knights dldn t care as they’d reached the ice cream course. And so our dinner progressed, slow and Jerky. Neither Oggie nor Pinckney had a chance to shoot off any of their brilliant • partee. At least if they did nobody heard, for there was too much competition. Oggie wss plain peevish about it. and Pinckney loked more or less bored. at it was when the annual ball under way that the Noble Knights really cut loose. After one wo fo xtrots and one steps had been played with only a few dancin' they had spe--ota with the orchestra leader, and from then on nothing

Will Exact Science Kindly Settle Tj

Often we are pessj,-:. dined to bewail our lo-post-war times. Pric- - a ., dlfflcultie of each new ,| a , but Insurmountabl*. t<dent allusion aneni the va],. ^ ‘e trail along with ; Hear. Hear!" Yet life always has it* - „ little oases. And one cf ■ we can happen to think of at' ’ else moment Is that com: - ' rently raging in th,- great our country, otherwise \v... D. C.. as to exactly what j*n Words Must Mean J=omtS.-« Now two or more person- ^ semble themselves togeath*street corner, or In the sacr.-: j.of a clubhouse, and argue as i* nature and attributes of _ the well-known cows conn- h nothing come of the ma te: harm be done. The dispu a: a god time, and Jazz. Its nilnp a. tributes, remains and

before.

But this argument in Washier.* altogether different from that of thing. Here pou have r

more modern than a two step or an

old-fashioned waltz was played. And | pleasurable exp’oltaUon how they did go to It! What warmed , Mmey is involved in this e ’em up and got 'em to lettin' out the J -Case." in fact, seems to be ti. cut-up squeals was when they started word . For the issue has been

up a Virginia reel with about fifty couples in two long double lines. "Whe-e-e-e whoop!" sings out LP'le Pete. “Down the middle now, and

everybody clap!”

In the midst of all this hilarity ir little bunch was fairly swamped. We didn't s'and deuces high. Our bridge quartette couldn't find a spot In the place quiet enough to play cards .n. so about 10 P. M. they gave up an’ trailed off to bed. But as our roms were on the next floor and directly above the ball room that wasn’t much of a success either. I know when I finally dozed off about P. M. the festivities was still on. So it was kind of a sore and disgruntled bunch that hurried through breakfa-'t and piled into the limou-

sine next roomin'.

'What a crude winy of enjoying oneself!" grumbled Pinckney. 'Oh. I don't know," says I. "K.nd of depends, don't it. on whether you're doing the cuttIn' up yourself, only listen' In. I don't bh much. If yon and oggie lived in jay burgs you know what you’d be' “What ” says Pinckney. “Rivals »>f Gus and Little Petsays I. And me—most likely I'd be Exalted Supreme Grand."

New Play for Edith Roberts

Edith Roberts, the charming Universal star who has bei-n vacationing In New York since the completion of her last picture. "Th.- Adorable Savage." six weeks ago. is expec.ed to return to Universal City in two ks when work will begin on "White Youth.” In which she will be starred. “.White Youth" is a story of creole life In Louisiana, written by Clara Beranger and Forrest Hal-

certain.

ABSOLUTELY

Uncle—Only fools are Tommy; Iwse men hesitate.

Tommy—Are you sure. Uncle? Uncle—Yds. my boy; certain of it.

—Boys' Life.

CORRECT

Mrs. Profiteer was very proud of the stunts they were doing at the smart private cchool to which she had sent her daughter. "My dear," she sold to her friend, ■he's 1- arning civics, if you pleas.“Wha*.« ..-ivies?' asked the friend. "Civics? My dear, don't you know?: Why. It's th., science of Interfering 1 in public affairs."—London Post. |

to a court of law.

Briefly, the owner of a ftjj, Washington hotel hired a ceraj. chestra leader to take charemusic In his hotel esUblishmeK. considerable sum was to be the a leader s amolument. Everyth let * well enough till the hotel own-: covered that the orchestra b house war not paying the Mrijs music he conceived the j abllc u man. He went to his expend™ h conductor and demanded a cLs using that simple but express!™ ti "Jazz,” The conductor wos!d is

after play Jazz.

At which the band leader rw in indignation and waved axir concept of Jazz from all that ' a He had been employed, he dsda firmly, to furnish "musk" la hotel. Jazz was not music, th-rdi he would not furnish it.

Is There a Solomon

To which the hotel owner c-ai replied. In rebuttal to the . trbtS leader "You’re fired!” And belt the orchestra leader was fired 1 straightway he took his grieta and his understood contract to courts, and asked the payment c!: hotel man's stimulated sum. tol last farthing, as the saying i.*So now all the burden rests cs a poor court. Some sort of verdir »! have to be handed down,, or. at !** some e- t of opinion. !s iaH 58 or is It not? And if not. why , .a

what?

Here, truly, is an intewtir.crisis in our American msthc an dlt helps to wash away th- a* of the late baseball disclosur-

Some Memory

‘And do you remember th- S’ al. your customers?" remir'i- ‘ '■ boy to the assistant in the she'I never forget anybody'.- f-’T ® 1 ever fitted with a apir of she*' Boy's Life.

A Dangerous’ An" '

"What.” asked the lawyer rexoert witness, "leads you '» r 05 " that the defendant Li this »* crazy?" Well, for one thing." rri' lM . expert, "he's a golf player sad nothing but golf.” "Hold on." Interrupted '' '' •]' Tm going to bar# th* 1 tricken out. I plsf ri>lf a:? 1 " Detroit Free Press.

Sled* on wheel* sffoni - summer In Vienna.

"I say. Shorty, who’s your

friend

"He'* the Exalted Supreme Grand.' bays I. "Don't he look It?" “Very nearly." says Pinckney. Then Alonzo make* Ms llttlo piel. It ain't much of a speech, and Alonzo trips and stumbins here and there, hut he geu« away with It after a fashion and is rewarded with as much applause as if he’d made old William Jennings Demosthenes look was that be'* glad to be with 'em once moto glad to sec bo many Nohle Knights and fair ladies for the at—ual conclave, and he hopes they'll

4:

R CENT. PER ANNUM SAVINGS ACCOUNTIS

Open a Savings Account by Mail

it regularly a the satisfaction

Add to know

watching ^'our wealth mere CAPITAL AND SURPLUS H OftO.OOO WEST END TRUST COBroad Sl. and So. Penn Sq. PHILADEI-1' 111 v , V