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VOLUME XXVII. CAPE HAY CITY, HEW. JERSEY. SATURDAY. MARCH U. 1882. WHOLE NUMBER. 1444. ■ ' ■

THE CAPE HAT WAVE. | . OAPE OrXTT, , - 9 1 .50 a year in Advance. ' ^ IMt ina warn am warn n ariW. Om> »«M»l«r MtmAHIi i 1 •Ki is * i If Ml. -In m 1IW wsstt #•'«•••!«• a 1 *rotrtStflnlI ?«r"ar " 1 J & HUFFMAN, J STTORNXT AND OOPNMXAOR AT LAW SOLICITOR. MAKTB8 AND KXAKINKR IS CHAHCBBT. __ BUPRDrt COURT OOMMgnOiOOI. ^ g~ T. DOUGLASS, ATTOHHET.AT.LAW in * ^ So. u Paasv CITT ^y ALTSB A. BARROWS, ^ ATTOBSET-AT-LAW C BOUCTTOR IX CUANCKRY, , "gt H. FHXLIJPa, M. D~ - ESfflEKT HOMEOPATHIC PHYSICIAK: : Mo. 8 Ocean Buret, dope May, M. J. J. T. USAMING A SON, dentTSTBv .^•-ynnP-°#T-ga ^ I 0*n Mat Oeea>Mn-TUnJ>JKad «M■NM, BOTn SStTJZIA— FrtdSTS. TAMES M. E. HILDRETIL J — 1 ATTORNEY-AT-LAW BOUCTTOR. MABTKH AND FXANINKn » CBAHCKBT. "T.N. A. luslnfss Cards. ypsoe a wtmjamh, ARCHITECT AND BUILDER. WILL MAKE DRAWINGS. AND SCiSKIP •TOCD OS CONTRACT. " OFFICE U WUklnflon <*.. <*pv May, NJ. T O-ILHAND, , i MANUFACTURER AND JEWELER, IBM WALNUT STB RET. ' PHILADELPHIA. B. LITTLE, , PRACTICAL PAINTBB AND GLAZIER. BROI*-Dal»wai* imu. near W»a»ln*um Be - CAP* MAT CITT, H. J. Q^OD^AB« RUBBER FELT- t ODBt, CLOTBING. BOOT* A RBOB. D. P. DIETERICH, - New Tort Belling and Packing Company c (irr»II> T11U ASP BOCPTWJ. FBnaamswiA.Pa. Q.0 TO GARRISON "8 STATIORERT, ASD STOBE YABIETT ' ^PATXH ^KITCOxST'sil'S.i'^ GOODS, FWIftftO TACKLE. X1XIATTU BOATgJC^TOlrACTfgKD ON •irao on. . ( - .. asbi toroit •nit;:r . u i v at :• . DRY GOODS, QROCERIES, ' BOOTS, SHOES. & NOTIONS, I FLOUR FEED ! PATENT t4.j:LIICII4X8. HUSHES & RUSSELL, j THE SUMMER~C00r FLORENCE c OIL STOVES, ABSOLUTELY SAFE * SIMPLE. POM BALI BT J iL BEKEZET A BRO-. sa«JACt>-N monrr.CAT* mtru.

& t Sawamr. IHial larut aii fire lm Ci. Strictly Mutual Home Buaine**. ■ mUA" I Actual Net-Available Surplus of j Over 930,000, ^ ^ HU1B-4 eon-iltMa of tains* in it "c*n 'i* : mwno SewesanpsawTo the Ruts, T> m" Dlrvcues a*adgt In Uc Policy ItoM- | ECONOMICAL MANAGEMENT j Careful Supervision of the Business. •UBUsagiBU* rotors, si la IB« part, to j Fnmt Purnsit of Eimest Loses ; Marine Department, on LOW RATES BBS FAVORABLE FORM or poucikl oirffiSroSnm^'lfptB™ By tBe offi J P. L. MCLFORD, PbMB I ' L HOWELL Bainlrt's. ; PaoBabsrSrt.iSBO. j i Jf« J. MEI.VIN, I COR. OF LAFATRTTR AND JAOBTOB TO., CapsMay.H.J..DBSl«rlB PAINTERS' SUPPLIES GENERALLY, WHITE LIAS, LUfSEID OIL, SPIRITS TURPENTINE, PATENT LIQUID PAINTS, ! Varnishes. Window Glass. PLAIN AND ORNAMENTAL. ! ALL AT PHILADELPHIA PRICES ]». <t. ?rirf's Mint. PROFIT or NO Ml fur CASH! PAIHTB. OILS AND GLASS. 3 N! C. PRICE, p J SMW I Practical Glass Cutter. ^ « P ..... j® ^WHOLESALE and BETAIL Store, to ury Goods & Groceries, g" JK^^BV^mSSUyrtinlZ, ' Feed Store I Oats, Hay, Bran, Mill Feed , wooiTyaed. Wood Out and Split. CEDAR PORT ALL UK KB. KM LmRM oa Praetor as Pro- "j *** T 1 oooobbi ran. Bad If n iionw. I Ji-r nr. a. PRICE. ?HarbU larll. QAFE MAT CRT MARBLE WOB^a, HC«. RaISoa! Trv-A A TAra [«t KOHUkMlA TOMBBTONE8. STEPPING A^M-oofMuMe^gR^ro gPHCLAL ANN OCX UKMENTl^ SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: ; SAMUEL LEES, Nobl a A 1 * » North Steood StraM. 1 Als^r WsrtK, PVO^l^^A, OPPRBS GREAT IRDCCSMRMTB lit Black Silks, Cashmeres, Dress Goods, Table Linens, Mus - — lint, Hutlwy, CToves, Underwear. WNOTIONB. ETC.fl SST5TOREKKEPRR8 KipoiWi At LOW. EST JOBBING RATES.

fiiticim 1 1 ii V Rf^-W Mnra^w^FToiiiuo^ j SKIN HUMORS. ' f MY? r*3' ***°.' _!? if ST*-, 1 . abb Cottoorm SoBj>JtDt rmt tklo cum) nlrr- i | 8CALD HEAD. i ^^'tt^raood. ADAH^-P-jr- J. A R. R E. : epz^w^v ~ \ s.vl muR oolr" Opratliati. as veil A»PEun»i>osii ^ MJLK cnuer . i ^tUv Sowrri.^ CUBIOB .PrrL^CioeloBAtlj ; ravSr2*™ ; , FALLING HAIR. S2% the Coilcork krooirm ,i,i...i panosri uiscniAllj I BOB Concurs ABB CuUrors Aus|i (lbs rrrsl sliu sa^ag8B3igaag«g ! "" j TREATMENT. 1M CMemtrrBOBj^eousUBs lu the luigesj CUTICUR A 1 , : ears WmFuS' b> i rtnr Bosp1":! crctn Prtnoi- i **' *'1" WEEKS A POTTER. BmOD. Msa. 1 CATARRH : Sanford's Radical Cure. ' jps.-sa' ysi, %as a: ; iCSr*r<^» "r1 mHo-'or"* ouTuuir^bBuia Cure, dm box Csurrlisl St^vrni .a" bi.-.t -nv. . electricity, hu^^^TjlDKl SD|KT. 1 BEIAT GERM DESTROYER! DARBY'S pfiophylactig flu.

1 SMALL POX [RADICATED

1 'JS£P,vss ' i tefSS?«Si ; rffiSSy'tra.^.

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•SKM F u52»r«B.h«raJJ==n===-J

DIPTHERIA PREVENTED. |

SgjggtfSi eraB ■re pm^°Se ubfRwbi ssaftss - . ISwfBQBeoSJdRfB*- . Boras rvllrrsB IcsUbtly . Besra FrerrawB. I ababuBoid for Aatasl !-■>-> I'" '.'. ' "

SCARLET FEVER CUREB

S&si« 1 jhr."

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THE AUTUMN OF LIFE. n.- CAB ms wt»t ia« coaKjr iorr. s !L4MKIt»ai«t!if ajMROiLr : ' UU hrar. U CkLB u UK OleBLAbaro. [ WBBB Ur BlBB, hiTt PBBHB AWBI: . • . nWawu^BBMBUU BB tM rragranOereM { : fe^tbatclarr 1, brraUBn* Iran WOOBUM to-mi : • : ABB Bhbrarurannrttiat, tans* *>• Fran in , AKhBWBUIInXnBMUtOf ihBBBBiuBgolB! . | HLsitexiKbUtoBeroiralmiaotulUaB, ' ' | Whs«IheP<9tforararBlBSB |« ; oijor»QKtbrtiiii«>eathtfiii.-a«yBn«L , Bra rataBsiiip, uiai wua mcaai long onu. ! ; ! Aul Ihe^iuB, Uwurta ufl, for UN tora that hai t IBB bird. Uiat us la law jean, hen j ' Tbe Boprahe haUi lec beblaB; • TritBrsnor7 bnnj* from fch brceoe rny Some gtn of prace for bis loatfy way ! * . AM Uie ctllBran Ion tb»t olB nub Bear, 1 AsUoBlulBtbe twOlfhtUKre. a Uiraplny to a muMctbry cabux bur, a aSSSSPS^- t AM Soog*bi» nac^b pmS aim, OoB mabaUi hB pubwey bnybt io him. ( Of a talmlrr tirtUybl gmi, ' thu btppter home, n«i bis Uumsbls at laa SbbUyousaoiooreloribcaisUttirtJt^^ t k BROKEN ENGAGEMENT. When Mary dbrimoot's engagement was s prockuned Io the srorid, there was a general People gto<$y in snrprised at mathmonisl engagemenU. ThenisBtwayisoni* ' eogent raaaon why things should ha*, been 0 adjnsted otherwise— why John cbtmid hare Bismed Joan, and Peter ebouM pref or Bet- 1 aey. Nobody rrer yet eras married to But mryuoay. e But in Mary Oarimont's rase it did resllj I seem bb if the ooune of tn» lore had inter. I ferad nerioosij with the cumnl of common a •eose «nd prudence. t Mi>« Claritnonl was only oawsnd-tsrsnty, j a tail, imperial beauty with dowy black e^ ce, j brown hair, railed in shining bands at the ' .hack of bar bead. Moreover, Mine Clari- t moot bad a "career" before her. She had , Joat graduated from MedAeld Medical Uni. G rorsity, and taken out bar diploma as an U. D. ! "And only to think of it," Bsid Annt Jo, rating into tears of vexation- and disappointment, " that the mnst needs go and c rain all her proapact by getting engaged to J Harry M^rlow. down in New York." ' ait down and think of it," said Doctor Mary, lenpUeg .rd blnshiog. " 8tx months ago, ' my profession was afi the world to me. I 1 neither cared nor wished for anything out- 1 aide its limits. The fotnre eras aU mapped out before me, srithont let or hindoranor ; 1 "Uniuph!" growled Annt Joe. WAny 1 brainless idiot can got married, and keep a t 1 man's boose and mend bis shirts for him, t but yon were made for aomMhmg higher and more dignified, Maty." t Mary's dew-bright errs sparkled. " Higher, Annt Jo r raid she "More dig- f nified ? There yon are mistaken. There is 1 no h-ghec or snore dignified lot in life than 1 tfiaTof the true losing wifo of a noble bnw' band." - "Fiddlesticks !" said Annt Jo. "Asi sreiy poor fool wbo was dazzled by the glit- - Bw of a wedding ring didn't mj the same j tiling I You're disappointed mo, Mary Clar- t imont, and rm ashamed of you, and that's the long and the short of II.'" Mary smiled. "Dear Aum Jo," said she. "1 shall not let my sword and shield mat, beliase me. Harry has bit uwii BMuts to adraooe him fat the wold, and it will bs at least a year 1 before we are ready to marry. In the mean time, I shall eooept the post of visiting phj- . stcrnn to lbs Aldsnbttry AbnidiouM, and ( practice my |snfins ioii in .tldenbary, just , the same as if there were no engagement-" , "I wish to goodnaas there wasn't," said , Aunt Jo. "I trP you what. Mary, I don't , ' IBncy Ural anuBcg, smooth-tongued young , I man of yours, and I never shell." «sB Doctor Maty Gkrimonl kept ba , temper. 1 ' ' I am sorry, Annt Jo," she Slid pbnmnlI ly. "But I hope that jou will eventually 1 ; thange your mind." "I used to keep a threed-and-uoodle aura ' when I was a young woman," remarked ' Annt Jo. drily, ".and I ooold aiwajw Id, the ' rfngofacountrafrat lzdfzlollsr iriira s rats- 1 tcerw Mid h on the counter. ItouM then, and I oar now— and I tell yon what, there's ' base met* about Hany Markrwl* . * Mary bit her hps 1 "Perhaiw. We will cot dkcuae the subject farther. Aunt Jo," she said, with <]uiet ' dignity, and the old lady said no mora. ' " Annt Jo la wrong!" persisted the pretty ' young M D. to handf. I "Mary is making a fool of beaeUr thought Aunt Jo. i Aldrahory was a pretty manufacturing < village, with a main street shaded by umbrag"°o« maples, a "wdM end," whaso people 1 I who lad made Amir fortunes Heed oomfort- t ■ ably in roomy old houses surrounded by vtl. I vat lawns and terraced gardens, and an < " east esM," where people fought desperate- • ly. and not always auuunsfully to keep : s<wl and bodw trgetber on the merest pii- > And a little way oat of the village, the ' ' almshouse, built and endowed ly a certain > I smuggling nn m|<alii, whose rawneieooe < •had pricked him during his latter days, rais- '■ ad its gray -steam gables to the sky, and made a pectnraequo background to the land- , I i ■*!*- Doator Maty Oarimoat made aomathing , - of a aanaatioo at Aldonbury. Up tkia to = time, all the rsaai.ul M. P.* had barn atof- i ' j TOtf .Ptfii - was a aosakty is the lows, and by no msana I a dimgreaable ooe. People rather Kked the I ^od | I Ifd bara7°*h ' eager asm for the soosd of bar carnage whaski over the bku graral drive which led < up to the portioo. J

R was atsilBarf Deeambar dtj when the j ! young phymeian Mood tn the naatly-cvprted ' reoeptkmroom drawing on bar fur gklrer. previoaa to entaring her runt phaeton once . again, while she reiterated to the while-cap- j ' Mudgeri'e rheumatism, matron , ' hurried in "Oh, I bag yoor pardon. Dot-* dan. * S mont," she said, " bat I dean forgot tbs , ■ old women!" , " The new old woman!" repeated Doctor ; wttb a smile. i , " Tnal is," exclaimed l(n. Cunningham, ![ , she only name last night— a quid old atnl , i half blind and quit* bad with asthma. P«r- | jr. —i-a t.-'Irr !r,. I we h r bbfore yoll go. ' j j SU bionglit a caril of s.lmisrion from Doc- ! | i Merino, the New York clergyman, who ! I k one of our directors, you know. And she j teems a decent body enough." : ^ So doctor Mary weot cheerfully into the i Etlle brick. [«rod room, with its white judlathed, cushioned rocking chair and neatly 1 | draped casement, where sat a jvocr. liule. " ®rivaled-uji woman, wrapped in a faded 1 , dnwL fibe looked up timidly, aa Dr. klary came 1 ia, from under the border* of her cap. 1 •Tm a poor body, mi«a."i»ud she, "and 1 rm srusihlc Tm making a deal of trouble in ' Hie world. But the Lord don't take us. tnim, when we'd like to go. "This nethe do-tor," sakl Mrs. Cunning. 1 I The Etti« woman would have risen up to I make a ooqrtesy, but Doctor Mary motioned i to keep her seat "What is your name T said she, pleasant- i •y- i . "Iooise Mprfbw, ndaa" "MariotfT That ia an nnusmd name, isn't ) kr«4kUry aariooot, coloring in spite I , " We're English, ink" said tbs old worn- ( an. atxuggliug brarrly with her asthma. " lliere ain't many of oa in this raunlry. ' a son, iniaa, is the law business, m any mother might be proud of." | "A son.'" eehoc.l Mi*. Ctmningliam . "Sol that il's his lauti ma'am." the eW ! erratnra made We to aiplaiu. " My sou is ' to be married to a fine, proud yoimg lady as ' prhice in ail the kind, end of i be couldn't bo expected to burden with a helpless old woman like in* i says I'm to writs and let him know bow i I get along. >^3 if I am siek. or anything, i beH try to ere me. I sewed carpeti until i the asthma got hold of me, and supported myself comfortably*. But of course I could ^ not lay up any thing for a miay day — wbo rauid? And Harry couldn't help rue, for ^ be's getting reedy to be married, poor bid 1 ( Ro I went to Doctor Merlon and asked him ( did he know of any decent place whore an old woman like me could end her days in peace. And "be gare tne a card to oome ' here, and some money to pay ray trtti cling Mary dnriinoul liad lieteorel quietly tz 1 the garrnloos tale, but the ysisor had varied her cheek more than once as rbr stood there. " la your son's name Harry Harlow J" she said, slowly and thoughtfully. "Yes, miss, at your aervioe," said the old woman, with a dock of her white-capred head, which was meant to do duty tn place of the impossible eourtesy. "Is bo like this ?" asked Doctor Mary, taking a photograph from her j locket. The old woman, with trembling hands. , on bar iron-bowed spectacles, and looked at the picture, uttering a little cry cf noognitaon. " Sure, ndaa, it's bis own aelf," she cried. "You're acquainted with him, thra r "Bunewhat," said Doctor Mary, 000)105edly, m she returned the photograph to its place. "And now I will leave you some li.mg to relieve *14* difficulty in brsuthing. But the old croao eyed her wistfully. "Perhaps you know tbs young lady my ' aulrlo marry ri * " Yes" said Doctor Mary, writing soma. 1 thing in her prescription book. "I have 1 her." "Perhaps, BUBS" faltered the old woman, "yon woukl give bar my bumble duty, and tell her I would just like to look at her for abd tee what the is like. Than b no of my -ronUing her, miss for I mean . and my days bear. Bat I wonld like to ber just once. And if it wouldn't be ■king too ranch, mis* would you pUase write to my son. and tell him where I am ? —for Tin no scholar .BiyaaX and Tm his _f;IjdB write to Hm," «oM Doctor Mary, quietly ; and so she wee.: awa . "I never see a lady doctor afore," add old Marios, with a long sigh. " But sbr b a pertly creature, and it u cms good to her around. I "hope shell enroo again "Too may be very sure of that, "said the matron, brasqusly. " Doctor Clarim ant ain't one 10 ntglect poor paopb beeauss they are That evening, Annt Jo, frying orallrn the ldU>hsn-fire, was surprised bye. uh from bar nieoe. wbo mm* in all wrapped io furs, with bar checks orbaaooed with the frosty winter air. "Bless me! this ain't oarer yon?" wikl Aunt Jo, peering over tbs nam of berapcctacbs. "I dure* over to set yoq. Aunt Jo," mid Mary, "to tall you that you 'were right The metal wua counterfeit." -Eh?" said Annt Jo. mechanically ladling ' out the brown, rariy cruller*, although aha Jid not look at what she was doing. "I have written to Hany Mar low, canceling oar engagement," aaid Doctor Mary, catoly, albeit ber voire fakand n Wile. " The man who win beartlresly 1st hb old mother go to an almshouse, sooner than And than she sat down by ihe fire, and told Annt Jo everything ; for crabbed crusty aid Ann! Jo lad been like a mother Io hrr. and the gilfi heart waafaU to oiafiowmg. ■Whrn she had reread speaking, Annt Jo noddna her head. "You hare dona well and wisely," she udd. ..W Miu Martmr-dbJ-tbre-winacr-ia A Idea bury Ahnshonsr, with ber bred oa Mary Cbrimont's arm. and narre that bar farralore ennfrmaaa had dejrired her son Of Us pM^bed wife And Mary says, qmctiy and rreoiatdy, that ber profaanon mnst be bnbend and " Juet what It ought to bk," aya dant Jo. •;Ko woman rear yet reaoredad in doing two things at once."— JTaire Femwf

j SPOOPENDTKE AS A SPORTSMAN. ' "fiay.mv dear." aaid Mr. Spoopesdyke, , ! *» be drew a gun from lire case soil ryed h j it crh lenity. "I Want yoo to wakr rnc a I up early io the morning ; I'm going Shoot- w j ing." _ b • "Isn't that too sweet: -• ejaculated Mre. d | Fpoopendykc. "Til wear my new dross j d land my Saratoga wave. Where .do wain *®T ' [u 1 "I'm going down on the island, and j tl ] you'll proliably go as far as the front j a door," grunted Mr. Jipoopcndykc "Wo. | a ' doo't go shall ing It's only men. | a j All you've got to do b to wake me up and a j get breakfast. When 1 come borne we'll ! have some birds" c! I "Won't that be nice?" chimed Mrs 7 I I "(bo you catch birds with : that thing?" and Mrs. hpoopendyke b I flattered- around ibe improved breech- n 1 loading sbotgun, firmly impressed with p , the idea thai it was some kind of a trap. U ! 'i can "kill 'cm with this," explained it : Mr. Spoopeudykc. "That b a gun, my * dear; it ish'i a nest with Uncc speckled U eggs in tl nor is it a barn with a hole ia L the roof. You stick the cartridge in here it and pull tbc fiogur piece, and down cornea U your bird every lime." U "Well, isn't that tbc greatest thing! I suppose if you don't want a partridgc,you v am Kick a duck or turkofon that end, y or a fish or a lobsteZ'and bring it I down just aa qhick?" "Yea, you can stick a bouse ot a corn- p field, or a dod-gastrd female Idiot in there, « if yoo .uant to!" snorted Mr. Spoo- a icodykc. "Who aaid anything about a rt partridge ? - It's a cartridge thai goes in v there." j "Ob!" cjaqsbted ilrs Spoopcndyke, tl rather croslfaihtn. "1 see now. Where a "He goes t > night school if lie han't a any more eeose than you have." snorted a Mr. ripoopendyke. "Look here, now, u and I'll Show you bow it works," and e I Spoopcndrke. whose idre« ware ebon' -- 1 as those of Itis wife, inserted the a 1 cartridge lair way In the muxile'eod, and li "And when the bird sees that lie cornea 11 and pecks at it ! Isn't that the funniest?" it and Mrs. Spoopendyke clasped her bands tl the enjoyment of berdiscprcry. "Then tt yon pill out your hand and catch him !" f; "Yo-i'ee struck it:" lionlrd Mr. Spaoprodykc, who liad the hammer on half- a 1 c.ick, sad was pulling on the trigger to k get it down. "That's the idea, all you p need b four feathers and a gas bill to be a a want u new it.ick and a siis.ni trip-bam. at titer Io be a needle- gun! Don't you know U that dod-gastist thing has to go off tatfore b you get a bird. You shoot the birds, you don't wail for Ibc-m to aboot you!" u "At 1-oine we use J to always chop their I' I beads off with an ace," faltered Mrs. U Spoopendyke. si 1 "So would L if I was going after mesa s ly old liens," retorted Mr. Spoopendyke. '■ I wlin managefl to uncock Ibe a *1 lei racer, b ' "but when I go for yrllowhirda and spisr. row* ] go like a aportaman. White I'm * waiting for a hird." continued Mr. Spt** '' pendyke, adjusting the cartridge at llir h hrecrdt. "I put the load in here lot n safel y. And when I sec a flock I aim and | fire." P Bang! went the gun. knocking Ibe tail ' feathers out of an eight-day clock and " (vowing a futTSw to the wall, perforating " the cktaet door and culminating in Mr. j1 , Spoopcndyke's plug hat '' "Good neat gracious!" sqeaked Mrs. Spoopendyke. "Oh, my?" h Mr. Spoopeodyke gathered himself up and contemplated the damage. "Why couldn't you keep Bill?" be . shrieked, "What'd ye want to disturb my , aim for and make me let It off? Think I K can bold bedt a charge of powder and a " pound of abot wlile a measly woman is * I scaring it through a gun barrel?" "If that had Hgen a bird, how niorlr ^ I you would have abaO!" suggested Mia. b 1 Spoopendyke. soothingly. "Ifyoutbould " ' ever aim at a bird you'd catch him aute!" ' I "Oil! you know what I could do! With 1 | your information about gunnery you only * . need a wad in yoor'mouth and akick like a mule to be a mountain bowltxer. If! * bad your intelligent* on sporting Subjects, I'd hire out for a shot tower. - Qput y'Ri 1 [ know you have spoiled the .dud-gasted ^ , gun?" Anil Mr. Spoopendyke anxious for 1 some excuse to take It hack to hb friend ' , Specklcwoltle. wbo bad loaned it to him, held it out and eyed hb wife Mernly. 1 I "You've ruined that gun." be continued. 1 I aolemnty. "It won't ever go off again." J i "Never mind, dear," cnuvo'led Mra. Spoopendyke. "Il's been off enough, ar*l " ' I'd Juat as lief lave some clams at birds. \ You go to bed and weft try and do with- ■ 1 out any birds." a "It won't ever go off agaio." repealed ' Mr. Spoopendyke, as be climbed into hb c "That b a ruined gun." and be turned ' hb 'ace to the wall. . 1 Mrs. spoopendyke alowly disrobed. hav. ing flrat tnrocd a stream of water Intotht I gun from the faucet, apd betook ber to real. "It may be off again," the thought, hot if I ' It does the neghbnre will think lbs water main liae buret." with which reflection a she began to pat the can of Mi. Spoopcn- e dyke, wbo tamed over like en earthquake 1 j and wanted 10 know if the I bought the 1 hadn't done enough mischief wllboot lam- ' ' ming biro like a dod-caeled blacksmith!— F ' Brooklyn Baglt. •"* J A1 DEFEAT FOR BROTHERLY LOVE. ■ 1 Nreavu.B--w.~~~ The commereial traveller of a Philadel- t phb house while in Tenneaaee approached a a stranger aa the train was about to start a 1 and mid: — " h "Are you going on tbb train?" |. "Ilkve you any baggage?" g t "Well, my friend, you can do me a b favor, and It won't coat you anything, r You aee ; I have two routing big tnmka, f 1 and they always make me pay extra far d ooe of them. You can grt one check td 1 , on your ticket, and wi'h euchre thetn. c I '"Seer "Yea, I sec) -but I haven't any ticket." fe '■But 1 thought you paid you were go. 1 I Ing on Ibb train?" t I "80 I am. Tm the cooductor." f "Oh!" "He paid extra, at usual." _ I

j.. INTEKbELY UTTEB. 1 -A few moult* agn the daegbter of a : ably well off in tbr small grocery Tine, sent away to a "female college." end last, week she arrived home for Ihe holi- ! vacation. Tbc old man was' io alien- ' (lance at I lis depot when the trainarrivrd, i with the old borer and Ibe delivery wagon ! j to eocrty hb daughter and bw trunk to \ the honor. When tl«e trait had slopped, j j hie. brimmed liat dashed from llir car, f ' "Why. you supcrelaiively pal" the ex"I'm ever ao uttorly glad to sec 1 r~, .. r The old man wad somewhat unnerved 1 tbr greeting, but be recognized tbr sealskin cloak to bta grip aa the identical 1 piece of property be bad paid for with bay mare, and be sort of squat it up in his arms, and planted a kiss where it : would do Uie most good, with a report ayonded above the nobeof the depot ' a brief space of time Ibe trunk and attendant baggage was sooa loaded into wagon; which was soon ho roping over ' tbc cobblea toward borne. "Pa, dear." aaid the young mita, surveying the team with a critical eye, "do consider this quite excessively bo"Hey ?" returned Ibe old man; with a puzzled air; "quite excessively .beyond' what? Beyond Warren? I consider it somewhat about ten miles beyond Warcontinued from Ihf Beth way, if that's "Ob, 00, pa, you don't under* laud inc." the daughter explained; I mean tbb wagon and borer. Do you think Ihcy are soulful?— do you thipk tbsy could he studied apart in the light of a symphony, or even simple poem, and appear as intensely utter to one on returning home as ooe could r" Tint old lire, twisted ooecreilj In his •cat and muttered something about lie beit used Io be Used fur an express before be bought U to deliver pork in, but conversation appeared to be traveling audi a lonesome direction that be fetched horse a resounding crack on the rotunda, and the severe jolting over the frozen ground prevented further remarks. "Oh, there b that lovely and coniiim. ess as tbey drew up at Ibe door, and presently she was lost in the embrace of a mfcberly woman in spectacles. "Well, Maria." aakTlhc old man at tbc table, as lie nipped a piece of bolon the lump with bb own knife, "an bow'd you like your school?" "Well there, pa, now. you're sbou— I mean I consider u to* far beyond." replied ibe daughter. "It Is unqueocbably ' The girls are so aumpluously stunoing— I mean grand— so exquisite— intense. And then tbo parties, the balls, tbe rides— ub. tbc past weeks have one harmony." "I s'pose so— I s'poac an." nervously Assented the old mm as he reached fr>r readin'. writin", grammar, and (ire rule o* three— how about them?" "Pa! don't, exclaimed the daughter, re pruschfully, -'Tbo rule of throe ! grammar ! It b French and music and p*in ing and life the bus.— 1 mean that litre rendered it one uBbroken flow .if rythmic liiias— incomparably- and exquisitely all but." The grocery man and his wife looked hopelessly at each otbte across the Utile. —After a lonraorne pause Ihe old boy said: "How do you like tbc biscuits, Maria?" "Tbey are too utter for anything." gushed the Bcoomplbhed young lady, "and this plum preserve b simply a poem in iiThe old man arose abruptly from the table, and went eul of the room, robbing hb head in a dazed and benumbed manand tbo mass convention was dissolved. That night be and bb wife an at tbe breakfast table tbe next morning, be rapped smartly on bb pbte with the handle «t bb knife, and remarked: "Maria— me an' your mother have been talkin' Jhe .thiog overman' jre've come to the conclusiac that tbb boardin'achoo! business b too utterly all but too much nonsense: Me an' ber consider that we bs re n't lived sixty consummate years for the purpose of raisin' a curiosity, an' there's goin' to be a stop put to tbb itequenchable foolishness. Now after you've flniibedfaliu' that poem af fried sausage so' that aymphooyNpf twisted doughnut, you take an' dust up stairs in leas n two seeoodv an' pet-l off ituVfancy dress gown and put on a callkrr. an 'thin come down an' help your mother »»h dishes. I waal it distinctly understood that their ain't gain' to be no rpBWrytkmic foolishness in tbb bouse. Au Jong's your superbtire pa an' ma's ruffnin' tbe ranch. You uie, Maria?" \. Maria was listen in g. —Uiockla ud Courier. I CAME PARSON PULPIT AND ALU • A singular accident befel a Scotch clergywhile preaching in a Nonconformist dispel at Shepherd's Bush recently. He bed a vigorous style, and showed himself zealously fervent io driving home to bis interested bearers the solemn words aid moral 61 hb text. Hands and eyes weeu both brought into play in enforcing tbe "winged words" of the portly •preacher, xnd now and then be would Iran bb whole weight 00 the reading aland, faring intently Into tbe faces of hb audito deepen the impression of bbconnsels. While be was once tiros faxing the audience was startled by seeing the read, tag-sund topple over the platform, folalthough the fall was one of about footing, and at eoce returned to hb place at tbe reaured trading-stand. Bofore resuming tbe awkwardly interrupted congregation seemed to appreciate, that "those wbo leaned upon the Master would better sustained than be had teen while upon tbe readlng-sSand of HbaervanL" Dr. Roger*# Worm 81 rup Instantly destroys worms.

AK ANGELIC CREATURE. Km oooc 10 ilie history of tbe L'nioo Depot iu rout has sheltered a woman wbo ! knew just Wb ere she wanted to go. the train she wanted to take, tbe boar for de- . part ore. the fore and the lima for atrival. Sire appeared tote about fortyjlvs years ; ; of age. and she bad flat feet, a peaked oar, and a voice which didn't admit to | any argument. No notice might have [ , been taken of ber among Tbe soorra of other* bad ibe not inqahed Ibe way to tbe , » siting room, and added, "TTianl ye. . questions! Tim's all I want to ask of yoo. -Would; Jug a big carpet bag down and stand » round in the cold it I waan't ?" ihe sliarply answered. -Going South. I 'apoae T" be queried, 11 she moved away. " 'Spoac away, then !" she mapped, as she lifted her satchel. Entering the Indira I wafting room, she found tbc seats all , taken. A portly man, reading a paper and taking a heap of comfort, occupied one of tbc acata. and. balling before ferm. she dropped her satchel with an *wfW thud, and aaid: "Now, yon get right out x>f here ! This place is for ladies and you are a prat big, , fat man and ortrr be ashamed of yourself • for crowding in among ua!" ; "I*rah— ah— he!" began, when ahejoler- , "Then stand up! My legs are tired walking down here, nnd I'm hot going to stand . - around while you ait down!" shimmered, at be rose up and gave ber tbc , ""Trial's more man-like." ate growled, . ns sill* settled down, "but it seems to me , 1 hat il-I was you I d fed sort oauraking in here ! The more I see of fat men, the ' The fat man liad a Jrlfe and two chll- | dren in there, but he waan't a minute gett ting through the door. For tbe next flf. teen minutes tbe old lady aat very erect j and alered around ber, and then she itarts 1 out to get ber ticket, lugging her satchel , on ber hip. A boot black espied ber and | called out: "Shell 1 cany yer baggage wagon. Aunt . Sary?" I "Boy!" she replied as ate dropped tbc . Michel and reached for his collar. "1 haven't got any baggage wagoo, and in the next place I'm not Aunt Saiy to any- : body! If you want yoor beds Jerked «var . tbe roof of ibis depot you juat give ma tbe least of sassi" " *Sc use me. but doo't pinch so hard," aaid Ibe bov, and ba squirmed oat of ber I clutch and "retreated a safe distance to look . al her and rejoins that* ho* was Dot ber She walked np to the ticket window, put down a lot of silver, and aaid: "I want a ticket tn Jackson, and I dtral • want any talk about it! I know WbT'Pm . cuing, bow long I want to stay, and wbo ' I'm going to aee." Her ticket vu banded ber without a ' wonl.aod as she passed through tbe gateabe r said to the official there: " "Tend right to your business! There D no ooeankin for your asking where I'm ' going or if rrogot sticketl" "Don'i ttv to flatter me!" she railed back, "Your business is to see than passengers ' git on lbs right train, and the Iras you ' madam around tbc better it will be for The worid-rcoowned swimmer. Captain 1 Raul Boy ton, in an interview with a news- • paper correspondent al the seashore, rer lined tbe following incidents in bis experience: Reporter.— "Capt. Boyton. you must CapL Boy Lai. — "Yea, air.by tbe aid of 1 my Rubber Life Saving Drew, 1 have travelled over 10, BOO miles on tbe rivet* of America and Europe; have alro been presented to tbe crowned beads of Eng- : land. Franoe, Germany .Austria, Belgium. • Italy, Holland, Bpain and Portugal, and have in possession forty-two medals and decorations; I lave three times received ' the order of knighthood, and have been l elected honorary member of committees, 1 clubs, order* and societies." Reporter.— "Wore yeur various trips ' accompanied by much danger?" - Caps. Boyton.— "Thjt depends. upon-.-what you may oall dangerous. Daring 1 my trip down tbe river Tagus in Spain, 1 had to "snoot" one hundred nnd two wat1 erf alls, the highest being about elghty-ffvo 1 feet, and innumerable rapids. Crossing 4 the straits of Messina. I had three ribe c broken in a fight with sharks: and coming down the Somane, a river in France,! received n charge of shot from an excited '' ami startled huntsman. Although aU this - Was not very pleasant, and might be c termed dangerous. I feared nothing more 00 my trip than intense oold: for, as long . as my limbs are free and easy, and not > cramped and benumbed. I am all "right. Of 0 Isle I carry a stock of SL Jacobs Oil In u my little boat,— (tbe Captain rate it "Ba1 by Mine," and has stored therein signal ' nickels, thermometer and compass, proir visions, etc.,) anil I have bad but little '• trouble. Before starting oat I rub myself " thoroughly with the article, sad I tl action " on tbo muscles is wonderful. From 000- , sunt exposure I am somewhat subieel to tlieumatic pains mad nothing wauM ever benefit me. until I got bold of tbe Great German Remedy. Why, on my travels I ' have met people wbo base baen aufbring with Rhonmsliam for years, by mjr ai vice tbey tried tbe oil. and It cored tbem. 1 would sooner do without food for days than be without this remedy for oaehour. 1 In fact. I would not attempt a trip wltbe out IL" f Tbe Captain became very eolhnsiaetlc s on tbe subject or 8L Jacobs Oil, and we 1 left him citing instances of tbe curative it qualities of tbe Great German Remedy to c a party around him. s Having teen afflicted with catarrh and - cold In tbe band, I tried a great many - remedies without any beneficial effeoSa, al tsaaais^f! tamfSA - 1 owe suffering humanity to recommend - it to other* suffering from the same, al- ; fagfeg''.I The London 6tatM colls attention to ; the fact that a pound of Ira tube bought 1 for four ocola ia China. But tbe ShOUl J Hatton TranwripL ^ ^ t Death to rata, mice, 1 ■jad.es and ants. . Parsons Exterminator. Barns, cruetas xnd households cleared in a MapralA; DO fear of bad smella. Beet and eteapmt - vermin killer in the world. Bold everywhere.