[?]

1 volume xxviii. cape hay city. new jersey. saturday. october 7.1882. WHOLE NUMBER. 1473.

CAPE MAY Om-. N. J. 8 1 .60 a year in Advance. j b. huffman, atorwmt^xd AT^UY •vranagc^^^^»iwioxEK. py F. DOUGLASS, attobs k y-a t-l a w ul ^y altkb a. babbobgb, attob.vk y-a t-l a V J-)R. J. r. LRAKTHO A BON. dbxtTsts, CirMlil (Wis *cTr* 3« tSSteSoca-ThureUiac ! Sa:james m. e. hilpbeth, attorxey-at-law •OUCTTOK. RAFTER AND EXAMINER IX CHANCIRT. OM>ilU.ii«'ucii|ioitn«, Cape May °t" -a. .. Ittslarss (Jarfls. jjjhob b. wiijjams, architect and builder. TIU MARE DRAWINtW. AND WTXHIXomn-« vamui sc. cape xj. b. uttlb, PBAi-ncio. painter and glazier. ^MSiJDBEWISG'MA8. F. HORNER, fiaios, mains asitiso uchikes HKUHinXlX, V.J. ■ ■ q.o to gabblson s statkseet, and store variety ^ FAFES. Ft» ket^CCTtEET. MIELl. juxiattee bo^ti MAtreFACTTRED ox sevm eacnixk nkiw.es aim on. a SPECIALTY. i* waimrarok sikeet. oape mat. n. j. qhas. p. pbbby, oils, paints am d vabni8hes, /^.cx)d year's rubber keltU ma AND rAtnwro 0.' p. d1eterich " Nsw York Belling and taking C unpaLv ■ffissabbsbbpag* j^igos A brotherT american watches, caps may diamond cctezrb, CAn bat art. -E. !U,'k' — «m walnut rnuarr

gMitrt. MTOFTOMM or A mag-SNKn 1JTEK. . ^ Ti'i'ltl' S . e^gssssg • .gssw =r=3£«s eats- it" ^ sS^SSSgssE ' ""by ^ A ! I .=s-; ; FOE EA1E ET ALL PRYyOGISTX. 1 The, an mrouM from H opiM.lt. Roci-. i irr^r gz.%^ rrr . All «»« rwawdma. being n» fraaww Blood J'urtfler, ljrer BsgslUor, AVI Life and. Baaltt r "*TWr pre M UlA and 1 War to Ite aged AM U"P Btltn* ire "■"V"**i "ri ~— 6a t ting -r-r '• SS wall bbUI you an «£but lf°rca teg rem! baa or ausecabje, w Bop Boot at one* . they will frof curt or tetp. ^ ^ ^ ' *Bimona>eT. Bop aumj. no TUt^antpri. "v*--£ Try uH?B.l.er. 1. «. JPrirr's jtorr. tdrofit ob no profit for .^PAINTS, M gnUMPnlp, onS^iS^lSi^'' T«nW«. Japan. faMMl. aat Brottra, N. C. PRICE. l-rmtOMl 01am Cotter, ST Perry Strut, WHOLESALE AXD RET ALL STORE. ;; DRY GOODS and GROCERIES, FEES store. Com, Oats, Hay, Bran, Mill Faod WOOD YARD. WOODCtSPAEDEPUT. CED&E POSTS OP ', ALL SUEES. " Ja-r *NCTatr**' €oat, Vtai, gimt, rtr. QO AL AND WOOD. MS3&2^Vir£Z2S A COAL AND WOOD YABD ' z^tents ■ ■ ' .-'.ALM OFAOa.-'

OLD LETTERS. I *TY,C* M»o Mt oa tutM oOmt TSroosa tear. I do not «io to uwb tnj . ] Pot U|1« M aiaoaa^ ^ To rtoaabore m »ro»fl»T« to tko rtrtlt ; Tfcl pwatoo at U* aaffFTtasi of Uo poor : , 1 Thi abctt fl*St aalaat prMaaadalo aod rtehf,. ( OuiUm atnat rotoa vsoa* awoot voiila o> , WboBOV bctaooffeO at oor Impotooo* yocth. i Sooo «ta aia aorrow, aytff t»« float, , nztu < oerer nr. , Tat tela tad. nd I bb oM aal Una ; I I Baton dolj to VI »on." load Taantlajri I Or thai bn*M fntura thay an anra to an. Of all waa prtral^o by oar youth's bnt'-i J HOW A DETROIT UAH OOT OUT. ] Daooit Sen Wban a young boa! dim man of tbia , clly. recently married, returned borne , ywterday at bit usual dinner boar, bis yoang wife surprised him by exclaiming, , "Wen, you got out, did your "Got , out r replied the husband ; oat of what?" ( "Why out of the station ; weren't you in ( the Central station' ' was the wife's re- , sponge. "What kind of s stiff are you | giving me anyway I" demanded the bus- ( band, imagine bis Indignation when bis innocent wife of t few mootha drew from , bet bosom the following note and banded . it to bim: "Central Station— Dear Tilly. , I am In trouble from trying to prevent - -"Ibe arrest of a friend. Send me 910 per bearer. Your own. Bob." The 910 and ( the young man wbo got it bare not since , been beard from. ( A SURE SIGH. ' I Every established local newspaper re- ( coivta snbscriptioos from large cities, , which puxzk Ibe pablishcis, but which t I the New Ydrk Timet lately explained as follows: "A wholesale merchant in this ] . dty, who bad become rich at tbe bnai- . > ness, aays bis rale is,. that when be sells s , J bill of goods on credit, to Immediately , I subscribe for tbe local paper of bis debtor. , I So long as bis customer advertised liberal- ] 1 ly and vigorously, be rested, bat as soon | ; as be began to contract bit advertising , space) be took tbe fact at evidence that | i there was trouble ahead, and invariably , • went for tbe debtor/ Said ba : 'Tl* , ' man wbo it too poor to make bis basinm | known is too poor to do business.'" H» , . withdrawal of an advertisement is evi- , donee of weakness that business men are , ■ not slow to act upon. '. Riding Dp the Colombia pike from | ■ Franklin to reach the battle ground 1 came , [ acrout an African rating by tbe roadside , . and after several general Inquiries I asked: j "Anybody around here got any relict . of Ibe hauler j > "Doa yott mean cannon balk, aab K . I "Yea, cannon balls, piece, of shell, , bullets, and so forth." , "Well, tah, I ha. de identical cannon , ball dat HDed Oinerml Jackson in du yere , foot." | ■ "No I" 1 "Deed I has, bats." , "Yon doo'l mean that Gen. Jackson | was killed ben r "Dat's sactly wljat I mean, an' lie got , • de werey cannon ball dat mashed him. - How much' -rfill you pay fur a relic r \ I got down aod argued with bim. I , read tbe list of gmcrali wbo fell at Frank- j lln, and then told bim bow and where , < Jackson died, bat be was ss firm at s , rook. "It's no use, bats, no. ore," he said, as • 1 be rase up to go. "You may be right, \ but awtebow I'se got it fixed in my mind far ten y'ars past dat my can son ball j killed Glottal Jackscm, an' If I should \ start out now wid tome odder story I J ooutdnt distaooolect it fifteen minlts. Yea, t tab, IT. stick to Jtckaoo, an' de price of ; dat ball am two doliaha !" — PYee Pme. The 8L Louis Scbwabrnnntcntltznngs- ; * vueln started to bare a grand picnic the other day, and would undoubtedly have ; bad a very pleuut time of it, but ud- . ' fortunately it took tbe railroad agent an entire week to spell out the name, and ! - when be undertook to pronounce it ^ be * tioo revealed tbe presence of twemy-four 1 diaphragm, and twice as many objurestioca in his maophagua. The wbat'sbis- < name didn't have any picnic. —Barton , The Independent ays that there is a ■ church in Michigan which has been struck : by lightning s dosea times, sal. now, ' whenever Ibe preacher shows signs of get. ting long-winded and passing from his - "seventhly" to an "nightly," tbe organist i thunder oo the pedals Tbe way that ! I w«dd*oal part with that orgarirt'te^ ! a mllficn t it dulian. Wheo a country editA, in order to be i up to Ibe tbsea prints a cut of a patent '■ medicine man. ud labais B General Wobeley, Ibe fraud is excusable, and lua . terprise: bo wb« be f x* a Utile farther ■ ' ;

POLITICAL BCOMOMY XT CAPE MAT, i as vixwid sr a rmsasiLTAXiA xnrron. 1 ■ i Mr. Jobs O. K. Roberts, editor of tbe , Xeuenper, after spending s tew days last month with bis friend Prof. , Wheeler, principal of oar public school , ud proprietor of the Tremout Cottage, on his return bome published the following racy ooatribolien in tbe "Plum Pudding' department of bis very readable paper ■ This week we propose to give a New i Jersey plum. We weal down into that much reviled country last Sunday mornIt looked wbeu wc started as if It wanted to rain. Jersey weather iaalwaya uncertain, ud the rala question was quite undecided when we got there. It coo tinned undecided until about three o'clock, when threw off its ooynea and begu to weep . Cape May, tbe West Jersey Railroad time table tells as, is 81. M miles from , Camden. Atlulic City is 64.81 miles from | tbe sat&s point. There is no nonsense | about a Jereeymu when be gets to figur. ■ log. Indeed, be Is equal to a Schuylkill , township pointer-post man, in reckoning j by tenths of mllea. It is the difference • of IS M ml|t* that causes about eight out , i of ten people wbo ran down to see their t great -grandmother, Mrs. Ocean, to select . the nearer place. It does not matter, you : know, ooe bit bow much nicer ooe place than tba other may be when you get there, , Pennsyvlula baa such.u antipathy i against Jersey sand, Jersey scenery ud , Jersey mosquitoes,- that be trill not take , ' particle more of it than be an possible 1 1 A Jereeymu, on tbe other band, would , willingly stake bis eternal welfare upon i the superior qualifications of bis domain, ud you never yet, you never will : convince t genuine one, that the , sweet potato land is Dot the most delight- , ful, beautiful, fruitful, ud altogether , section of this great confederation. , On our train, a genuine forty miles an ; boar and no let op express down, we had , tbe pleasure of listening to s conversation , that while it delighted, ooovlnood us fully ; of tbe peculiarity we bare Just referred to. Tbe Penosylraniu was a man in tbe i prime of Ufe, foil of positiveneei,ud cqua' ; to uy occasion to express it. Tbe Jer- ■ was a good bit older, but such a ; tanned, mosquito armored, hemlock smoked customer, with eyes flashing deat ..every wink, that tbe following specimen of his logic wss Ibe nstural thing to be expected of bim. "Well," said the Pennsylvuian, in surcharged with fearful disgust, this isn't tbe m'rancsl lud I ever aw call me a liar. Just look st those pine Pahaw, we wouldn't call tbem anything but business In onr Slate. And look at that com. By Alexander McClnrr, a Pennsylvania fanner bad to raise ' such thin, skinny stuff as that be'd erf ' himself rick, ud sll tbe doctors wouldn't save him- And do you call this traab 1 earth? Old Noah Webster ays it is sud. 1 And sand is sand all tbe world over but in 1 Jersey, ud down "here tbe darned fools ' call it earth ! And look at those cows ud people; tbe cows look as if tbey bad stopped growing wheo aboat a year old, ud hadn't bad sense enough, nor strength 1 enough, to grow s bit siooc. And look si tbey remind me of tbe water np in our I've seen running out of tan-yarda. And took at those people. Tbem that aint dead look as if tbey were. Tbey must gel the shake down bere about three times day and seven days out of seven. Bug If I wouldn't rather be a wild oat, a ' tioo mu up in old Pennsylvania than a of tbe iriud down bere." "You've aid enough," said the Jersey, wbo bad listened to this tirade until eya glowed with (be fire within: "you've said loo much. I nnt to lip in right bere ud make u obeervalidb or two; a Jersey man. I am; born, bred, raised and growod, and dial ray bide, if I'm go- ' to allow ariiWiao to lave the boll ay ' against Jersey without trying pretty hard ' to put a brake oo tbe fly-wbeel of his clapper. 1 tell yoo?>MnR mu, I've lived In the world longer lbajj you, and bare ' beard braggarts before. YSMaA think j this lRlle State worth nothing. That's where you ran plump np agin a stooe wall. And now, if you don't object to a little edification, let me put you through some ' scientific training. Too Just noticed we > passed through Yrneland. I knowed that place when there waa only ooe shanty there. Look at it now. Hal's in Jereer, mind you. Now listen, and I alnT going to tell a single lie; I know that lot year ' from that very town of VineUnd »«5,000 worth of grapes were shipped to New ' And I knew that 9100.000 worth . of grapes wax shipped to Phlladelphy. That makes flfis.000 for grape*. Now, Mr. .Keystone, ran yoo tell me of s county ' in your State that shipped that many ] grapes to market? And, mind you, Yine- ' land isn't s county, hut only s part of a ' township in one. If you'd come down bere thirty years ago you would have swum what is now Vlneland warn! worth ' three cents an acre, and yet U is tbe same kind of land yoo bare been cussing ad. , And yon don't think It is healthy? D'ye ; see that grave yard over yonder ? , more than a hundred years obL . When this county was first settled a mu i from your State came down bere and 1 started that institution, thinking. Uke yon, ■ that people would rather die tbu lire t hereabout. Well, tbe mu got old waiting ' fix somebody to die, BO be could bury 1 -em. And be*e tbe ooly one es was ever i buried there yet And then you think our i homely Jereeymu doeeoT know uything atom fanning. I tell you, my friend, we bare got up to heights and down to depth! ' of that kind of tori new you Penorylvs- • mane never dreamed of. Up there yoo may think it amart to pot np a prim for 1 tbe mu that grows tbe biggest pumpkin ' or watenneaoo. There Aint a bit a aenae r in that. Taint even natural. Wbotdowe I do town here f Why we get up e epiril they aimcat boat tbemaelrea to are which

will get tbe biggest Honest fact Bat I ■ can see very well as bow yoo don't like uything belonging to Jersey; yes, as I ' you're a young mu IT jBri give you u- ' other point ud quit short. You're going dowk to Oape May City. When you get I there, go around oo Franklin itreet. Just I above Washington, ud you'll see the ' 1 prettiest pteer of political economy you ' ever seen. If you tit down on the front ' • piaxxa of Professor Wheeler's Tremont 1 ' Cottage and look straight abend (Jiere It < 1 la: First, a tall three etory building. ' - That's tbe public school, all tot tbe upt per etory, that's Ibe Masonic Lodge ' ■ room. To tbe left, ud close al bud, 1 f there's another building. That's the > 1 water works engine bouee. In it it e I 1 atom engine that pumps water from < 1 a well. Hat well la Just there in thai < litis yard in front of iL Tbe water it 1 hoisted to that reservoir stud just south < 1 of the engine boute in tbe same lot, ud i > that ooe in tbe nil building eluding I ' of tbe school boute, ud clam to iL < • tee Ibe wooden vat np I bere to bold 1 tbe water. Right under that story, which < 1 is frame, you will notice one of stone, < i That's tbe lock up. There tbey put bad ' • people, while ud black. If you look 1 through the window of tbe engine bouse 1 1 you will notice two steam fire engines. " 1 That's tbe headquarters of tbe fire de- I I partmeoL Tbe engine that pumps water i i for tbe wooden reservoir, it used to ran I ' Ibe electric light system. If you look I ' it little to the north of the school bouse, i • almost touching H, is a niggmr church. | ' Now if you don't call that business. I'd i like to know. Why np In your state so . ' interests would require half a big • 1 town to accommodate tbem. Down here ' we crowd tbem into a single lot. That's ■ I And all I have to ay, young I ' mu, is, that the next time you undertake < ■ to run Jersey down, do it in your own < ' country, or' every Jereeymu within half I • a mile of yon Is asleep. That's tbe advice I 1 have to give you free gratis for nothing, i 1 and that's the kind you may si ways ex- ' 1 peel from a hemlock tanned Spaniard like am. Have you bad enough 7" I There wasn't tbe least doubt but that ' tbe champion of Billy Penn'e settlement 1 bad bad more tbu enough, for not a 1 word did be, coald be, ay in reply. Be 1 ■ looked at If a good dlah of plum pudding 1 vrui tbe ooly thing that would are bim 1 ■ ud bere it is. I i LINCOLN'S TITLE OF RAIL- I SPLITTER. ' In an article cntitlnfi "How Linooln I , was nominated," recalling tbe stirring : . political excitement of 1800, Mr. Frank R , Carpenter reveals. In the October Century, 1 muy facts not generally known connect- ' i ed with tbe first nomination of Lincoln, I 1 and relates tbe following in regard to the , IRle of "rail -splitter Mr. Seward was nominated in tbe coc- , motion by Mr. Evaru, of New York. t Mr. Linooln was nominated by -Mr. Judd, , j of Illiooia Tbe nomination of Mr. Lin. coin was seconded by Mr. Deluo, of , Ohio, wbo said : "I desire to second tlie , nomination of a mu who' can eplil rails j This probably originated tbe term "railt splitter," which immediately became j popular. Decorated ud illuminated rails I surrounded tbe newspaper offices, and bct came a leading feat ore of tbe campaign. r "Rail-Splitter Battalions" were formed in tbe different cities and minor vlilaga of t tbe North. At tbe great ratification mcctt ing at Cooper Institute, June 8th, after , speeches by Messrs. Evans, Blalcbford, . G. W. Curtis, General Nye, ud Judge I Tracy, of California, the last -named aid : . "We wage no war opoo tbe South, we ( harbor no makes against tbe South. "We — air' — ilf— fence them in" (pointing rignificutly to a rail exhibited on the j platform); "this is all we propose to do . to stop tbe extension of slavery, and a Abe Lincoln baa split tbo rails to build tbe fence." ^ An extra pocket: Three or four dxyr " ago a Detroit clothier sold a young mu a j 'pair of putt without having to brag up a the goods or lie about what tbey coat io . ffrvTcc). and 'be incident might orvcr B have been recaUcrftod not the bujW entered tbe store again yesterday. "I a bought this pair of puts of yon tbe other day." be began. "Yea, eir." "I mm not quite satisfied, with 'em. "What's tbe t trouble r "Why, there are two bind t pockets'" "Well?" "Well, I always carry my tobacco box In my hind pocket. If there is only ooe I doqT lose uy time : feeling oo the wrong ride. If there are ' two I'm never sure which one tbe box is in, and I have to let go tba plow -bandies Q with, both bands a: once. I want tbe exr tra one taken out." It is a solemn fact ^ that tbe young mu sat down in a dark corner and waited three^juarters of u ' tour for tbe la j lor to knock tbe two hind ^ pockets into oo e. — Detroit Free Pre—. ' Two Utile soma: Jama and Henry go t fishing nod agree to divide. Jama has n two nibblre ud a bite from a dog, and Henry gets two duckings ud loves a ^ twelve shilling bat What it tbe share of e each ? A hnman body weighing ooe hun- ■ drod and sixty pounds falls fifty-five fret e per second. How long will it take a baby. weighing thirteen pounds to fall down a I pair of stairs fourteen feet high t—Dttroi! n Free Prtu. A amart customer: "What do you ask ( for -your half-dollar tar Shopman: "Well, our regular price it eerenty-five cents, bat IT let you have It for sixty, \ only doot mention it, please." Customer r it flattered and takes n pound at ooce. Wteo be jxxnre to think It over after- ' wards hie mind grows nneetlled, but hav- , ing given bis word aod being u boDorak ble man, be doon'l mention it .-Botlen u Tmneeript. e that will take the conceit out of a man, „ sod one of the chief la, after taking a turn [x by tbe street and Judging by tbe way L tbey look at you that you are making a ,, oo your return tba your bat hat been on v wrong tide to all tba time.— Lowell Citi-

FRBSH WATER. ( The greatest of all necearitia belonging i . tide retorts is tbe want of u aton- , I dafal supply of pure, froah water, and yet ] I it appears thai those Interested have ex- c 1 perieneed in vain because they have not , l done en in accordance with the laws of ' , Tbe ocean nit water pertcjaling through! , . sands, settles downward by-gSvKarios" \ until held in equilibrium by tbe tubter- , ■ bat which crata u upward , pressure refusing lp let the water rink . , deeper in the earth, bere forming what l are known a ash water springs. c i Tbe tame process Is ud has boen going i ) on with tbe rainfall upon tbe lud, having i I its favor tbe diffcrenoe between tbe ( [ height of the land ud tbe level of the [ , drifting toward tbe wa to find its i | until tbe upper stratum of water t , tbe ocean is met by tbe fresh water ; . above the aalb because the fountain of , I water it higher then Ibe ocean level; , ; this meeting of tbe Two water* forma a * bulkhead. Tbe uppermost, and. I may a . add, tbe lightesL easily burated through , . tbe thin state of earth al the beginning, • r and thus began our thorougbfareabetwren i tbe beaches ud Uic main lud. Daring t ; tbe ages part the banks of these running . streams have grown until now . forming t . great Iboroughlana, large enough to bold J ui control tbe tide water* of tbe ocan. , > Although the surface tide water* of the j . ocean are many feet above tbe freah water c . where tbey meet, Hiil tbeae never ceasing [ ■ «pringa maintain their oatiet by keeping , ; tbe bottom constantly ifritatad, the tides , ; carrying aw*y the sediment until deep , I rinks are form«T"m tbe bottoms of the f thoroughfare*. Hie writer know* of , . places that are fordable ud yet near by t , are deep'rinka, sometime ailed "eel pots" t . covered with twenty five foet of alt water. ] ■ There are muy such place* near our bcachq Now these aiuka are aimplj ( I Ireah water apringl that hare burst throoeh ( l tbe bottom of tbo thoroughfares, and have i able by their strength or power to a . these deep boles from filling up. The , . alluded to have certainly maintained , , their depth for tbe last fifty years, and j much longer we know not. t Nor these deepest springs ore generally the beet fisheries for hook ud line, the r fish resorting there for fresh water sup- , i plio, anil In winUr tbeso spots may be , 5 fqpnd by tbelr not being frozen over, be- , ■ causo tlie spring water, although covered t ' deep with salt water Is still warmer than , tbe air, hence the air hola over the no | 6 called "eel pots" Eds do not make , them, tbey ooly use them for winter qutr. j Now if there be tnfths in' tbe atovc , * suggestions, s pipe settled down below . ' tbe Influeooe of tbe all tide water, snd ' freed from tlx alt water II would st one* r fill with freah water above tbe top of tbe , J meadows, ud perbays much higher, for ] we sometimes do find ^urr, fresh wslcr , nstural springs in the ait meadows, far , e from tbe main lud. It is believed that , * fresh water may be found id any of the , main thoroughfares sufficient to supply , ^ uy dty, but not to be found below or on , 'f You may ask, "if good water is plenty , " ud to near by, why has In not been utili- , * zed? I eu only answer that many dis- , " ooveria have boen made quite as Impor- , e tut simple and never yet have remained . : for agea before development, end I may ; e edd.'tboueude of tbe secrets of nature • c still remain unknawn that will be brought t to light when tbe necessities of man re- * quire tbeir devclopmenL ® The above crude ldesa, that have oc- ® curved in my mind are offered mainly d with a view of exdting tbe reflections of those wbo may be modi more familiar with such matters thaq. myself ud wbo, of course, are more competent to form a correct Judgment of their practical effect. {, Bay ride :- UNLUCKY NAMES. ' From tlie San Francisco BatlrUn. '' The crushed steam whaler -Yortt Star wo not lucky. One of tbe owners on Ibis ® cos**, did not like the name, ud if be hud the naming of the ship, be would certainJ. ly have chosen uotber. He was hard to say that he never bad u interest In uy- * thing by tbe name of "Star" which waa * lucky. lie bad owned shares In mines J carrying tbe nunc, not ooe of which baa * conic to uything. Ia there such a thing " a lack in names? We recall two that * were never lucky. "Henry Clgy" ass never s looky name when applied to a ° ship. Tbe last instance wc remember was J that of Use steamboat "Henry Clay," which waa burned a few [thirty] years ago oo tbe Hudson river, at which time a 0 great number of passengers were km. * Tbe "Golden Gate" has never been a for. ' 1 innate name when applied to a steamship or u Institution. Thousands remember '' the disaster which befell tbe Panama and i San Franeuea. Recently u educational . * institution in Oaklud, which bad been T. straggling for success, discarded tbe name ■ ud look (hat of Hopkins Academy, tbe ' name of ha most generous almoner, when , It immediately entered upon a career of prosperity. "What Is. in a name?" k Well, that Is what no one has bad the ! I: wisdom to explain. But it may be as e tamed that the name Xarth Star will be ' to discarded. ■- Problematic A couple of -darkies were : r- scaled on the steps of a store on Baldwin ] r- street, Ehnira, where were displayed a a aid: "Sambo, what would to Ibe kontequenca if we should pluck one of dem melons u' retire to de tod ob de olt canal a to lot de quality ob de coze T" "I Isn't L wcry well versed in dc law, but you take n de melon an' walk off wld it under Jour y ant-tail, meantime IT go roun' de comer a ud study on de konsequsnoea" id a— B " When slot* guard your thoughts: wton s- in tbe family guard your temper; when in compuy guard your words

EDITI WO A NEWSPAPER. There is one editor who has achieved the feat of running a newspaper to suit eveiytody. Occasionally, -V) be sore, bo has complaints, but be never fails to satisfy the complainula that tbey are In Ibe ! It was not always to with him, 1 onhJadojited the system after bo got J deapetjle. It eras one day after he had j reggiYod seven complaints that to tried it. I /mi came in ud said: yWliy in prophet didn't you print the j Jhrof the proceedings of the Society I [Be Prevention of Cruelty to Hogs, instead of a brief abstract ?" Tbe editor replied: "Oh, you made a ' sprech that wasn't in tbe report, ch ?" Then to went around the counter. Tbe dust flew for a few momenta and then It became more quiet. The editor relaxed 91* grip On the man's throat sufflcicntly to let bim speak, and be said that guessed the article was all right, and had only come in to renew his subscription. He was let up. paid the money ud kft, ud as lie went out he collided with a man wbo had u ngly glare in his eyes, ud who danced np to the edit or and aid: "What d'ye mean, sir ? 1 pay for a sensible newspaper, and here I got a lot I of stuff about cruelty to liogs. You ought to to put iu Jail for printing such rot. " j Tbe editor went around the counter again, and again the dual flew, and cries of "Take your toeth from Tny ear!" "Let 1 o' my bairi" etc., were beard. 1 It was full five minutes before the editor could getybe man's ooat torn off ud < put bim on the floor with bis head in tbe 1 coalscuttle; but ho did it at last Then be Jumped high io tljp air and at down ! upon the man's stqpch, antt tbe yell tbo < gave, echoing In the coal scuttle, j sounded awful. The editor was about to repeat the j operation, when the man said : "Wo needn't prolong this agony. Your paper is the best in the world. It is all right. I'll take it for ten years in advuoe." Eight more visitors had the same ex- ' perience. Then came one the editor I couldn't tfirash. It waa s woman. "What d'ye man by publishing fashion artida from a three-year-old magazine ?" she asked. "I made a bonnet according, your directions, ud its three year tothe style. Oh, you wretch ! you man. horrid, inrignifiant — oh-b!" "My dear madam," be said, "you arc right. I'm not fit to run a paper. I'll stop at once." (to a reporter..) "John, don't send up any more copy. Kill that article aying that Ibis lady was the belle of the ball last nigbL" "Stop!" she cried. "Your paper Is a household treasure. I don't care about tbe bonnet, ud came to ask you to our Tbe editor ays to wouldn't drop tbe rale for uything. Everybody laves satisfied with bis paper. 1 It Is petty business for Christian men ' go to law about a matter of three dol- I lart, yet two clergymen of Fauquier, Va, I went into court with tbeir dispute as to I tbe ownership of 1 calf, which was valued ; at exactly that sum. Each owned a cow ' which, be claimed, was the mother of tbe calf. Tbe Justice went with tbe Jury 1 and litlguts to a pasture, where the two cows were left loose for tbe calf to choose and the question was so quickly ' and unmistakably settled by tbe sagacious ■ animals that tbe Jury gave a verdict with- I ■ oat farther hesitation. Y'et perhaps it is I I not as man tp go to law over a throe dol. . ad! as lo stir up strife in the churches : by getting np heresy cases on hair-split 1 shreds of ttooiogial dogmt. xv is ist It cm for anfilS I-sady. CoetioCTOs Statiox, N. Y., Dec. 28, '78. j GlXTS — A number of people tod to n 1 AtKMll six mon'.r.i asm .lie g.,: so treUtrats «ai Unproved Set an .he was able Ir. dress l,ersetl t and COlUrrn ate, have derived ureal ] from their oar- »'. U. ItATlUWlY. , "Cotte spells- and ears Uke »he!t«. t And kttac. worn top to toe." 1 ne mrtai'to te dre£b" ' ' Mt>trros Nary, qalte eoctrsrj, 1 What dot* the hahy say r « "In th- sweetest teniae ever spokes or raaz. • He asys he wilt have h» way." , ' Habitual costivrneaa ia tbe bans of . I aearjgyvery Amerlean woeoin.' From 11 usually I h rated tnedtoae. KHney-Wort. It u the sure I remedy rar ooaattpal:on. and for atVdtsordera of I 1 the kldneya and liver. Try It hi liquid or drj 1 , U, ton*"*1 " J Life-aavers: Tbe toy who said that pins • aved a great-inuy people's livATiy , their not awalloa in* tbem. might now \ ay that the water haAwvrd a great many j boys' liva this season by Iu being too 1 I cold to bat be la — SatnereiUe Journal. ] Well's Health Benewer, greatest remedy ! 1 00 earth, impotence, leanness, actual de- , 1 Ac. 91. at druggists. Prepaid by express, tl.i"). 6 for 95. E. B. Well*, ' Jersey City, N. J. "Excuse me for tbe liberty I take," as ' j the convict remarked when to escaped t If you are norrous or dyspeptic try Carr tarts LUX Serve Fills. Dyspepsia makes yoo 1 r mrvovs. and aerroameaa makai yoaSystepoe; j a Hie counsel of a woman ia not worth a much, but to who doa not take it is worth nothing. *

gprdirsl, £tr. LYDIA E. PINK HAM'S VEGETABLE COMPOUND. I Medietas tar tr.mi.T~ l.eeatsd hy a IT was. jfartag i> 11 wvxrixirs ^"'sdTv.td h r ail nr.ttb:s.-,a oi y d°es tiriiy n i wonderful || n i 1 g cures! ■mmbb I Hsea.se It arts oa^ the LITER, BOM ELS j roTrew^Shta^ bos'Ses ! KIDNEY DISEASES. LIVCR COMPLAINTS, Constlpzition snd Piles. ■r tTj,I.I>. CK1ilt.D«t!i A Co., FropV. ^iassisbtaerai SICKReaqache r POSHIVELY CURED SI S barter's Ifcia5' We Mean CiiicJ, Nol Uertly Relieved A n d Can Pro ra What era Claim. ■' 1 iait'^m'lm'^'S d. as bssdivds hire Seeo TITTIE" UVER'TSIIS etwta peaocto D'zesUo*. rthevo eumalato tha Idver.aad Reralats UlUe pOlat a dos*. Theyara paretrvasatahlado !CACTH*H£I^1NE1'OO° HEW'' YORK. Vffmted AGENTS! AGENTS! AGENTS! Fee GEK. DODGE'S bfao' new hook, cothled Thirty-Three Year 8 Among our wild indians ! By Gen. Sherman. to consumptives: - js.wrsirA'Basrs ^re^arlax an^mdh^^he_aaa»e. srhloh taey win dtr-y L»»P«nn8L, wunajnsburte.S. Y.