[?]

VOLUME XXVIII. CAPE MAY CITY. NEW JERSEY. SATURDAY. FEBRUARY 17. 1883. WHOLE NUMBER. 1492.

9 1 .50 a year in Advance. ?rofrs«ional tfardfi. j b. huffman', MTORYEV A XI) r-orv«*l.ma AT US' noLicrrox-i* ivn examinee fy f. douglass^ attornf.y-at-la w WDLICITriK I* f-IlASrERY < lj ' r.raM.T Crev. y^ altteb a. barrows, attorney-at-law holicitor is cmxcmr, j^r. j. f. leamino a son, desttsts, '"clffliat'ommt1 bom-tkandaj^ana ml Born BiATiua— PrtMTt. jakes m. emiildreth, attorney-at-law BOL1CITOR. raster and ex a sin eh is OflSr* at So. U VHtaiuc Street. Cat Slot j. k.j. "swt jjkrbert w. edmunds, attorney-at-law, solicitor asd raster is chancery. cap* Mat CBj. s. 1. oll-T lusinrss Cards. •p^yos b. wtlliamb, 7 architect and builder. b. little, fralticst. fainter and glazier. " °* Wt " * qbgans and sewing. mab. F. hornyr, HABOS. DRGAHS&SEWDiG XACSIKES q. to garrison's 3TAT10NERT, AND STORE VARIETY pge gold pens. bus* books. toilet PAPER. pocket . .lab), shell goods. f.auiko tackle. CHEAP URRAHiqminiature boats m snt'pactl'rkd os kkwiko racbini kekdmct and oil a wwasbisutos street. ( ape wat. s.j. q.«^yeab|8 rubber feltHOSE. OUXTHINO. WAITS A SHOES 0. P. DIETERICH. New York Belling *nd Packing Com pan) M1S^^7SSSSr,SSSTfi£^ warehouse, aw chests i"t street. -r— i1"— 'aaasLPA. j5ig08 ft brother. AMERICAN WATCHES, SSI WALNUT. Cor. DOCK STREET. ' PHILADELPHIA. watches a jewelry repairei i j b. katlack; - So. SB. SKTKSTB ST, PHILADA. TEBEACDTTADEAIH iMSEfEEHPE, CHIRK rr TOPS. WTHD GC AIU> CAPS, CHIMNEY FLI CS. GARDES VASES. CEt 8. k. hand ft 8qn~ OBIT PRACTICAL JEWELERS CAPE MAY DIAMOND cl TIKRS. So. II WASHINGTON STREET, l. bice, jr., ARCHITECT AND SUPERVISOR *K WALNUT STREET. * - PLABS AB D SPEC! PIC AT10SS C AHKFVL1. V MADE. ' srayaa JOHN M. RUSSELL, GESERAL DEALER ib DBY GOODS, GROCERIES, FLOUR AND FEED. - PATRST MEDICINES, — *v FORK. LARD, HAMS. SEEDS. Ay. JOBB B. BOHKLL,

Wrdiral. raBEcioeut or Liver. iliu.la . Jvidnej .. ► tmi-toms ol \ j, l-l ! !• 1 ivuk. ; ; j ( Tremens Traveling or IMW In I'D- j l.Dlcuins brroraCe. d&2CL.>?M "I" S-. "^Sf Baed^ol by always heeplac the Regulator utr I lllUl. altrrnllv*. iiid Btllrtr.". mnnln 1m dn!s< (racrda it ia a paraDUre arabua^* " "** •firrik- only ih. geddldi. rtick aim.. IxRlMamR' "5 L FOR SALE B)' AU. druggists SEIUt. VAB Ul RLS B LADIES' TONIC. A Posltlrs Core for All Female « Compliinta. ^ ^^sagKSsear^sssx i. Sra?"5 jS2wSH5^;»'.Esf'*-a: "-^•Sgysrsy •eM kr Dreg,;*,. Prim, 11.00. Hop Hitlers are Hie Poreti aad , Heal Witter* Ever Made. Parmer. Lirtr ItDguhin'/and i*e an 1 Health kraah caa pumlb'.y lone exut .Bsre tares Bit ma are atad. do rarwi and pint are ihrtr * "tyJ «Ir* new Ufa sad rigor to the *ged and lntrm. To all wboae empiojiiienu raoi* irrerorv^otre an AppaUSDr. Tier and bum Wlntnan-. . nop Btoaiaare InialoaU*. IwUs hRDIj euraDoaT wait nnul job are Be*, bat It jn-j only It ataj aaee rwtr Ilia. Handnia U<e Wen u»y wiu BMenra or ueip. ^ ^ ^ Rea-rabT. Ik? It-tt.r. U no nie.dnMErd. Bedbtne em made: ^be "loraltd'a FOend and ICPMTER'S* IronPills m FOR THE @L©@0 vS3§S=F,«ss. j pettienkr'.r time vVy Ltve Vbin, Pak L-;e. ». | Saencti.er iakll'i-iti. Ttaoo «Ba titikt tl t *■' ItowY wkffll,

The Bad Boy-His PaJokes Him "What on earlli ia thai you have got I . on your upper lip." asid Ihr grocery man , to the bad boy, at be came in and began , to peel a rutabaga: and bit tjpper lip bnoj., ''down over blitrl-ili. and waaoirefed wiih , njtneibiog that intked like iboemakcr'a I wax. "You look at ibougb you bad been digging potaioet wltn yoar tewe." i ., "O, tbat'a some pt'a darn aniartne". , I atkrd bitn ir t- ...■*' anything tbal \ would make lint - ... attache giuw^nd , be told me 'be lea*, tiling beerer tri-.l «ai tar. am! tor me to rnbdl -«i thick when 1 , went to be,l, and wa«b It off in I be moming. I i-ii ir on lan nigbt, and by gooh It , can't watL ii off. Da told me all 1 liad T S , do wai la one a aoiuriog brick, and il , would omic off, And I turd the tieirk, and . , It t»A Ibe rkin off. kndt'he ur il tber.- , j yet, an.i say, dura my lipVnb eery bad ] I The groeeryman told lilai il was (be , worit looking lip be crcr *w. bat be f, ! crinld cute it by rubbing a lilffe cayenne , ; pepper In the tar. He said the tar would . • neulralixc the pepper, and The pepper , | would bmien the Ur, and act a» a cooling - lotion to the lacerated "lip. Tbey went to , ! a can o! pepper behind the ciunlgi, and , tiuck bis finger In and rubbed a lot of it ; , on bis lip, and bit hair began to raite, and be began to cry, and rushed to the waterpail and ran bii fane into the water to wash off the pepper. The grocrry man is igbrd. and when the boy bad got the • asberfoff, and bad resumed bis rulaba- ... be aaid , : "That Deals your fate. No man crcr Infica with the feelings of the t»ld bueranoeer of Ibe Spanish main, without living to rue it. 1 wiu lay for yon, old msn, and don't you (prget it. Pa thought be my lip, to bring my mouetachc out, and io day be laya on, a bed of pain, and to. | morrow your turn will come. . You will : regret tbal you did not get down on your ; knees and beg my pardon. You will l« ' eony you did not prescribe cold cream ; for my brai*rsT-|ip. Instead of cayenne epper. Beware, you bate twelve ounce to -the pound huckster, you gimlet eyed I -elltg of dog eausage. you ■andi-d sugar, | you arnall potato three card alight of band rotten egg fiend, you villlan that will nuked sturgeon and dog-fish for looked halibut. Tbe arengcr U_on _jour track." ■ Look here, young man. d m't you ihnssten me. or I will take you by Ibe ear sod walk you through green . field* and kick your pistol pocket clear around an you can wrar h for a watch pocket in your toil No boy oau frighten me. by rnmua But tell me. bow did you get e»s-o Drilb your paf" "Well, giee me a glass of cider and we will be frienda. and I twill tell you. Hunks' Gosh, but tbat rider is made out mouldy dried apples and te.wcr water. '' and.br took a handful of layrr raisins off tbr lop at a box to take tbe taste out o! tils mouth, and while tbe grocsa- charged s peck of rutabagas, a gallon of rider an I t so pounds of raisins to tbe boy's pa, tbe boy pnerrded: "You are, pa lUtt-s a Joke '■O somebody else, inn be kicks like n »i«r wben'it is .on bim. I asked bim ibis m.jrBtng if it srooWo'I br •> -j-t ( ;-| •" put soft trap on tbe fmal stc[>, so the lettcr carrier would slip up ami spill hisself, and pa said it would be rlegsuL Pa is a Democrat, and be thinks tbal anytbiog that will make it unpleasant for Kepublican offlrir-holdera it legitimate, and be encouraged me to paralygr tl e letter-carrier. . The letter-carrier is as old a man as pa. and I didn't want to humiliate him. But I j id waited pa Ui give bis consent, so br c Hilda't kick If be got caught in his own trap. You see? Well, this morning Ibe ■nioiiter and two of the dtaoooa called on pa, to bare a talk with him about bis actions In church, on two or Uuee occasion*, wben be pulled ont tbe pack of I cards with bis handkerchief, and played Hie mu Ac-box. and tbey bad a pretty hot '• time In the back parlor, and finally tbey ' Drilled it. and were going to ting a hymn. J when pa banded tbrm a Inter hymn book, it and tbe minister opened it asd tamed ) pale and said, -what's this.' aad tbey " looked at it, and it was a book of Hoyle't . games instead ol a hymn-book. Gosh. • ain't the minister mad? He bad started » to tesd a hymn and be quit after be bad ' read two 11dm, where It aaid, 'In a game ° of f oar-handed euchre never trump your I partner's act. but rely on tbe ao- to take the trick cat auiL' I s was trying to explain bow tbe book come to be there, when rite rnlutnwina Tbe d«eon«TU>1iiaY5t7 I poured a two quart tin pall full >. of aoft aoap on tbe frunl step. It was this1 « white soap. Just the color of the step, and j e when I got it spread I went flown in the i t basement. Tbe rlsltoia came out and pa ' was trying toexpiain to tbam about Hoyle, I L wben one of tbe dracoot atepprd in the I * snap, and bis feel flew op and he struck ; on bis pant* aad slid down tbr alep. The . minister laid 'great heavens, deacon, are - you hart? Let me assist yuu," and he took j two quick atrpi. and you have seen these j feilowi in a niggmr show tbat kick esch - other bead over heels an I fall on their \ ears, and" stand on their brads and turn i around like n lop. Tbe minister's fort j •lipped and the next 1 ta.w be was standing on bit bead in bis' bat. and bis legs were sort of .wilted and fdl limp by his ( side, and be fdl near bis Momaca You leads. It ia arihiag to Ibe star r-i can spread it with two quaru of mil anap. Tbe miniBerdido't look ploua a bit, wben be was trying to catch the railing. Ho l ooked as though he wanted to murder ' . every man on rartb, but It may be be wa. ! tiled. Well, pa was paralysed, And be < and toe other deacon ruabtd out to pick up Ibe Binister and tbe first old man, and I w hen Miry struck the step Ibry went kit- , • ' ting. Pa's (si somehow slippol backI ward*, ana be torard a aummvraaull and I truck ton length on his back, and naS > heel waa across the mlniytrr's neck, and i , be slei issslti tat and tbe other des- ; on Uii all over the other three, and ;» ing la of pkmt pe-gde l ever taw. I think

l'.f ootncw hrrr, wbrrr nobody cwuld barI -wrd kirn, he would hare uatd langnae" They all seemed mad at ^tcb other. Di- ' ■ girl told ma tliere wa» three I rami— 1 ; out on the sidewalk fighting pa. and ma 1 she look Ibe broom and started to help pa. i '-aad Mried wstopma. 'must tier Manila < 1 lion it not very stmng. and I didn't want i her doing any flying traoexs bixness, but ' I couldn't stop her, and aim went out with I broom and a towel tied around bcr i bead. Well, I don't know wberc ml t!i ! ' I 1 D'.rike, but when she came in she «M she i ' had palpltalon of tbe brart, Imt tbat was i 1 not the place she put the srnicn. O. but i i ' she did go through tbe air like I bullet i '} through cheese, and wb-n site w-'H dowu i ^ the «"I»d bampity-bump, I fell atrry (Or ' ' nil Tne minister lis.! K">t »• be cooldec: , on the sidrwalk, with his hack agaltil ( 1 Ibe lower atrp. when ma came I doWgf and .toe of Ibe liedi uf bcr gaiteri . ' ! hit the minister in the bair. and tbe other , ' i fr.n Went right Ibroogb bet ween his arm '' and bit side, and the broom liked to pusbrd ' hie lorth down ^ii> throat. But be was , ' not mat- at ma. As son as lie see It was - : I ma be aaid, 'Why, airier, the wicked stand ' 1 1u alippery place", d-in'l tbey," sod ma ' the was mad and said for bim to let go her f. ' | slocking, and then pa was mad and lie 1 ' aaid, 'look s here, y.nt aky-pilot, this thing ' has gone far enough?" and then a police. . ' man came along and first be thought tbey 1 were all drank, bat be found tbey were 1 respectable, and be got a chip and scraped ' tbeawp off of them,' and tbey went borne. ' and pa and ma tbey got in the bouse tome way, and just tbeo the letter carrier came r along, but he didn't have any let ten for ■' us, and he didn't come ooto the steps, awl - tbeo I went up stairs and I said, Ta, don't • you think U ia real m tan, after you and I ' fixed the soap on tbe steps for^tbe lettrr 1 carrier, he didn't corns on the vh-p»t *U.' ■ 1 and pa was scraping tbe soap off bis pants ■ | with a piece of shingle, and tbe hired girl I was putting liniment on ma. and beating ' It in for palpitation of tbe brart. asd pa c ! said, 'You dam idjnt. no more of this, oc > | I'll maul the lirer.Mt of you,' and 1 asked ' I bim if be didn't think m>rt aos() would - j help a moustache to 'grow, and br picked 1 up ma's work-basket and threw it at uir ' • head, a* I went down auira. and 1 came 1 over here. Don't you think my pa Is un- ■ reasonable In get mad at a little joke Ibit 1 be planned bissclf ?" The grocery uian said be didn't know, . 1 and tbe boy went out with a pair of skate* r over bis shoulder, and the groorry msn i« 1 W.iodering what joke tbe boy will play on ' him tn get even for the cayenne pepper ° " Was Herself. r • , CS'-esxo TltMBD. "Tell Beryl to come here.'" Tbe Lady Agatha Frelingbuysrn spoke . thtse word# in the commsodlng, decisive, ; , what was habitual to Iter, but as Mud r Lake Maude, who had breo a faithful arr- j , vitor of the FreUogliuyiess for forty j years and seen Beryl grow from a cooing ! I -i be to a Splendidly beautiful woman. turned away, sbr fanricd thai tbe Hps of ; |t l.er misttes* quivered slightly, and tbat K her breath came in quick ga*|w- _ G "It may have been carrying ibat bucket t of coal upstairs," *aid Maude softly to " J'er— If. as she hurried mwiy to oley the "msudaie given her, "trnt I fear that my lady's emotion bath another and more [ serious cause. snQ that BeryL whom I , oft have tossed in these withered arm*, _ will think she has struck a bltxxartl belt wben Use old lady begins to paw tbe air." Just then Maude fell over a c<»l-icuttle tbat bad been carelessly left In tbe corrij dor, asd on rising met Beryl, wbn was r intently reading a note. "Your mother would apeak with you," e aaid Maude; and then, to conceal the sorrow tbal filled her besom, she began cat- , iog an apple. I "Do you wish to see me, mamma?" j asked Beryl, tripping I'gblly into tbe t ro«n where her m ithrr was seated. "Ym. my child." waa the reply, "1 fain would speak with you on a matter tbat doth nearly concern yoor future hmppiness— yonr marriage." Tbe gill shrank tack instinctively, and ( ibe happy look faded from tbe pretty blue ( eyes. Plunging ber right bud impubivej ly into ber pocket, yhe discovered tbal the last letter from Vivian Perkins, tbe c man whom tbe loved with all the paasi ior ate intensity of a last -chance affection, r wa* still there. Her secret was safe. n" "I am ready." she said to ber mother J terued ber speech. ' 'to bear your twit. ' "1 know." Hid bcr mother, speaking | calmly, "of your love for Vivian Pcr- , Una" . I Beryl's corns were throbbing now, but - she mastered ber emotion bravely, and j. i gave no outward sign of tbe great batt'rf : Uiat was being wagrvl in ber soul. ' I "You wish to marry Ibis man?" said . j Ibe Lady Agatha. ! "I do," replied Beryl, "and* nothing ^ j but bis word, bis act, Dball ever keep mc r from bis side. I love Viviu with a I wild, four-track and-a-aleeper-oo-cvrry. ( train love tbat will brook no restraint, u ; and some day. even through tbe fiery ' I jaws of bell itself were open to nop me, I ' ; shall be bU bride." u | "I know all this." aaid tbe mother, "I n;_bavf but one request tajaakf." ( ; "Wbal Is that?" asked Ibe girl o 1 "It is." Mud Ibe Lady Agatha, "that you will arrange tobavetbc nupllaia ocT i cur as soon as fsasible. " M ] "Bur-why!" asked the daughter. r "Because," was the reply. "I am . thinking of making a similar break mvd l. . Jf.'You advertise tbat there ia a gin* ;. S'reaib of water "on the place, but I donl d see any," remarked a stranger, who want- ! etltn reot tbe phcr. d Tbe landlord laid ; 'tluM work that ! t- pomp a tittle, tod you win sre'a Ad* a ISreaa of Hater. Yoo dntrt expect to .. have Niagara Falls an tbe plaerfor fifitwn k Aillara a month, do yoor"~r«.i. Sin I. B »«fE

Utter from wilttsoo Wbtlldln. I OeuiSDo, Oeirmi I'o. Fin. > I' February 10th. 188a i" . ! t Dike Wave: — I'poo, arriving at Cedar is I Eeyes. on Ibe Golf of Mexico, we learned j t that thevTomito was |>revaleot at Vera I Grit* nod that Major iltn li . a IRUUlUlUt » railroad man cmnected with projected 1 Mexican railways, bad died in tarty -right V I after hiding. In view of this we ' decided t-'-ranc-i our proposed Mexican I ! : lour and take a tainble through tbe K 'v- s • simmee regions of Florida. where we have t i ; a preiiv orange grove. Upon arriving at t : j Orlando one finds a climate and country I at once pleasing. Tbe climate is simply 1 i superb— tbe days genial, tbe nigbls blear. < ' Tbe soil, within a radius of leu miles, is t ■ of a dark porous nature which brings Imp. f fruit to great perfection. Here flourish c ; tbe pine-apple.date and cassava, bananas. ' ' d'trd bouses are bull ling, sod tbe wild 1 luxariauce of nature ta fast being (lotted 1 w ith coxy bomea This fine country is * ( studded will) charming crystal lab**, en1 tirely iiaaltbfal, having sandy bottom and ' I high banks. Tliese bodies of water abound ' in fisb; trout are caught weighing twenty 1 r Tbe majority of new oaners arc 1 > oortlicraers;_lbey come for pleaaure or ' ! | health or to cultieate the orange. This 1 • climate is of that even genial temperature ' which stems suited to fieab and blood; it 1 " makes a man wish lie could live always. ' Orange groves dot this country far and j • near, while new land for young trees, o ' being broken in all directions. Many are ' ' locating here for the amelioration of lung r | troubles. I have talked with several per- j 1 a-tos ao afflicted and fail to find a solitary 1 one who dies not admit the fact that Ibis 1 I warm, fine tjnpregpated air is wonderfully ' r restorative. I could givFtbe names of a ' number of pr.uuiuent people, naturally 1 ' . conservative, but now taiily entbusiast.c 1 over what tbey call the "glorious climate ' : «•' OrUtfflqY Here is^»^.f the States' 1 ' fall divides: part running toiaaro tbe Gulf j ' Fieas or sand flits are not iroubteaomc. 1 and there is not a mosquito-bar in Ibe ' r place. ' c Ex G overaor Sinclair, of New llamp- ' • sbirc, and Jobu P. Morlou, banker of ' Loolsvillc, Kentucky, tell me that sum- ' : lucr Is even more pluaaaot ibin winter: the ' ' day* ire cviled by breezes Mowing from ' • gulf to uceao. Tbe nigbu are always 1 I owl enough to sleep under a light spread. 1 II One of tbe early piooerra of Florida. 1 known here as "Uncle Jake Sumroerhu. ' , lives in Orlando; be is a regular" Florida 1 "cracker," aged 81) yeais. and served uu- ' der General Jscksou. fighting through tbe ' j Seminole war of 1888 A '40 Uncle Jake 1 . | sayc "I bc'v rid tbla ar' State !mm Tah ■ j lyliasey onto the Okercboobcr bull rangev; 1 j '■ an' rite bere on this spot is tbe beallhuri 1 j | lokelity of palmeter country and 1 reckon 1 _ j cd God's footstool." ! He has not worn a coat for 43 years; 1 „ be owns *3.000 acres of land. 00,000 ' ■ bead uf cattle. 10,000 bearing orange i ; trees, aad has served a term in Ibe Leg is ' t laturr in hie eliirt sleeves. I have a fine ' fetianana and orange grove bere; some of , my trees bear 8000 each. Tbe frail la an ' i icclleot variety and nets me 82 50 per ' e L-x '-f 100, making a return of 803 per ' r tree- This is much above an aver- ' age yield, but even a 1000 crop at ' I one dollar per 100 ia low estimate) would ' give 810 per tree, or one thousand dollars ' J from each acre of 108 trees. „ Die native* call their grove* "gold e tulocs" which, in a limited way, tbey are. . 'Good grove land, about five mile* from ' ( Orlando, owls MS per acre, «35 more cut* sod breaks tbe ground. f300 puis up a Young budded -tree* cost 20c. each, or 820 lo put out an acre. It takes about Krcu ' . year* foe the trees to approach bearing .. and ten to came Into good profit Die ' trees respond readily to good treatment, or aoou allow neglect. *nd tbe degree of j success depends upon attention bestowed. r Tbe soil must he often tilled, ploogbed , and harrowed dowu. Decaying vegetation or fertiliser must be occasionally j worked in about the roots. Insects are 0 subdued by frequent lye solutions. When . once matured and in bearing the task is over, then an annual crop is reasonably „ sure for 100 Van. some ray 130 years. The trees live to be a great age, and at- 1 While waiting for a grove lo mature, profit ran be made raising early vegetables. 1 raw yesterday sweet potatoes !«■- ' '-p ■!"(! hu.h.1. p*. arreg tbey ae 11 at 50c. per butbcl. The woods abound with game. In fact, rabbits must be kept ont of garden by proof 1 ® fcncca. Fiah are In abundance in every ' ' lake, and veolaoa Aleak ii-flc-perponndi : beef only 8c. TbU is the borne of the L boney-bec, and. much money la being made from these Industrious inserts Or- ' landr. is near Kiahnmce lake which i» a , paradh* foe sportsmen. Docks, brant, and geese, are in abundance. Very few 1 blacks are to be found bere at present, but • plenty of native white lata* can be bad. • I am now bolldlng a cottage in tbe midtt of my orange grove for a winter home. As I write tbe whole air teems full of music. Merry mockers ere warbling j among orange blossoms, asd the atmosphere is perfumed by tbe breath of j ffowers. lieronants of tbe Seminole gladiw. and often come Into the village for ~ grooMWa and mbacco. Between Orlando , and llie Gulf of Mexico are vast sleek ' ranges of prairie country, on which graze thousands of entile. I often see tbe drivers. c* cow boys, riding Into town on Btraertoeny vines grow over one foot high bevr; tbe fruit ta now ripening. Snakes and reptiles are rarely found. ►* Deling this section was much settled, Un1 c!e Jake SumBierfln says tbat firing tbe I" grara aurted tbe snakes. He bat often torn rattlers turn Sod fight Ibe blue. 1 throwing tbeir venom into tbe fire which w would Saab like gun powder. He its* o turn the king anake kill a moeaatic hy in croaking Ibe Iwoes from bend to tailjifler 1- which the king make would swallow

I Through uninhabited hammocks wiid | bogs room, asd it is raid they will run down raiders and eoppee-belHed mono- .] ! sin*, devouring them greedily. The , j venom of a retake has no 'effect -upon , prorswDiont a* bupdreds of owla' j glare among tbe timtwr. Die word ' j. "cracker" as applied to native liackwood-' j originated from row.knnti ra i who carry long lasbes, aod dexterously , twirling tbegi owrbead crack their whip* „ with a report like a pistol eboi. Mr. Edishould you ever. stray to this summer j land in winter, and drop In upon me at c Orlando, we will sit undega Itnge banana r surrounded by fruits and flowers, and j ^ feast on delicious pineapple*, figs and s while perhaps a 'nor-easlcr or a t it bowling about Cape May. , Your*. W. menu was burned a few days ago at Elk - ' Jiart. lnd. Wbctber this i«a disprntali' n ! of divine providence, or an act of lite |toj- ^ ulacc u not known, if one could figtntbe annoyance caused to ionoorol pe— ' while the operator of tbr b iro n learning 1 ' play, there would be no wonder that the fact jq' burned. A brats band, cotu- " |Kn*d of good player*, is a tiling all enjoy, but the playing of a single born, bv 1 new beginner, is about lira mast mourn- ' fill and nerve shattering experience tbat ' the world can produce if we except a ba-e . lull nine oomposod of cats, practicingrap Ibe night. It beats all how fet~pbrlw- 1 who begin to play a bora, bold out fait!., ful to the end. and eventually become memberi of a band. There ia a time in tbe life of every young roan when be baambition lo belong toa brats baud, ar.d rowed, or owns a brass horn. A Bay era ► a county fair and sees aylond. birr. I from a neighboring town, and each mem. ber of tbe band u a heroin Ike ryesof I hi j He- area the blue cosU with go' I y(r. tbei'iwulcttea, the cap with its mu>i- 1 'ak\ front piccr, asd the ycll-tw stripe down 1 ■ tbe troosers, and be is masked on Ibe band, and be resolved to Irsrn to play a , He stcs tbe fellow that blows the ' -ib bone, flirting sri'b tbe girl be took 'f ' ibe falrTand she ao'ms to enjoy tbr do- ' Unction, the irua enters bit soul, nod U resolves" to lake revenge nu bis girl I y mashing other girl*. He see* tbr crowd ! L collect around the band stand as the band ' plays a tune, and notice* the snare dtum- . cock bis bat over on one rede of l.o , bead, and look at all the girls and the ' young man ta almost inclined to play tlv- 1 drum Instead of the born, as be arguce 1 that playing tbe drum give* one a better ' opportunity to loci around, but wben be ' reflects that it only lakes muscle to play a dram, and Ibat jt requires brain, nmi wind to play a Dora, be deuidee on tl*v ! Ikirm And wben tbe bami is marched, ». !T tn tbe dinner ball, at tbe fair, and given u ; place at the [uad ..1 llie table, near Hhuratorofii«CiUy.wb,i|iaibUoniUooinb:s pocket, and ia afraid 'be will lose it, and . Mica tbe crowd collect around Ibe band, r bis mind ta made up more finnjy Ihac ever to learn to play a born. He goes home . and dreamt of tbe band, and Ibe next da)' I be goes to work and sella a calf, or uk.-s ! tome of tbe money be earned harvesting. and buys a brass bora and a bawkof notes I that be docs not know tbe name of. lie bat been to singing sdioal, and can n-.id ! singing notes, but bora notes are too rich , for his blood. He does not tell bis family. . . what be has done, but smuggfas bis born into tbe barn, and wben be bas got tbr milking done, anil fed Ibe Mock, be goes , cut to the barn and gets into tbr bay mi'* , and feck of the keys He finally muster- ; up courage to blow gently into tire born. , and be bears a noise tbat is a cross between the squeal of a pig caught under a } gate, and tbe bellow of a cow tbat stnellt blood and paws the turf, and lsoks sassy I In tbe pasture, lie blows grntly until be can make aetraigbt DOtsetbat dorsnotaplii . up the back and go out of the instrument . both way*, and then tbe folks in tbe bouse , begin to bear IL Then be concludes tbat nr , will see how much the instrument will . stand, and be draws in bis breath and blows for all tbat is oat, and as tbe dis cordanl "Ma-ad" goes not upon the stifling air of tbe hay mow, sod be feel* a ' bim tbink a mule has kicked him, he hearo the horars down stair* kicking in Ibestsiis I and tbe cows arr kiwlnv at Ibraurh ihm . had beard bad news, and the faithful d -z , that bad bow left not doors begins to bow though there waa going tn be m death in . tbe family. Then tbr beginner begins t» _ realize tbat lie is making a sensation, and , be looks out of a crack in tbe barn Inwards . tbe bouse, aod be srewbli mother nandlag \ on tbe porch with ber apron over ber bend . looking at tbe bars as ibougb it was up. fire, the hired msn, who is pumping water . Mop* with ibe pump handle in tbe air, and , lie sect bis father, in bis shirt sleevcv.pirk up an ax handle and start for (be barn, spitting on his hands, and longing ravage, t He aoea a neighbor, wbn was driving by. atop bis train In front of the bouae.aod aik I if I bere is anybody lick, aod be realizes tbal it ia impossible u> keep bis secret - lunger, and lie come* down out of the - bay mow. wiih his brass horn under Mf arm. ma sheepish as I in High be had bren . caught kissiug the hired girl, and coo leases to bis outraged family tbaf be is . r band. His father tells him be is a bias- * ted fool, but bis mother aod Mater like " bis part, aod argued tbal it will be a great booor to have bim wear brigadier general " clothes in tbe baud., aod the matter is com premised by allowing bim to practice 3 "O bb bora out in tbe soutb lot. aod fur a wcekortsvo, at iolewala. mournful sounds are beard from thai direction, and then '• tbey suddenly cense, and wben his father finally asks him bow be is progressing as L rP"SkHeS ** llM cotdeon. aod explaiDs, by showing his r upper bp, which is swelled up to twice n its natural sue, that be 1s nut cut out for. . playing a wind InsUumenL Tbal bora will be traded all over tlie neigblsiriinret. sad will finally be found In a garret, jam. * toed nut of shape, and tbe brase band J fever will have passed away. Among tbe -r greatest failure* of lira wnrkl. there am w noae Ibat are sadder than tbe failure plV j boy to barn t" play a brass Iran I

Tbe la-gisialare is ikaeasino now. rod j -Ftzzlelop's -boy Johnny speeds a great j ' deal of Ids time over at tbe capiloi talk- : t ing to a u. <us. with wbom lie ta quite a r fav.*ite. until lie knows almost a» much t about running the" g.ivi-rnment as tbey do. 1 home, Johnny's talk is full of quaint t rxprerairms that the rest of tbe > cannot understand, and. moreover,] f bas irarned to swear, a thing be never j c anions. j t A lew". lays ago bis legislative know. 1 1 irdgr cropped out on llie occasion ol bis i ! going to Ibe floor when llie farnilc paster t railed to obtain a subscription for ao or- I phan asylum. In reply to the past-u's re- t j quest to intotrn Jobony's father that a r replied I "Die Governor raontM see you at pre*, c rut. He is busiV engaged iu the affairs i of the Stale, lid, is aura-link to some I I rmasuicsol internal improvement." i ! "What doyuuaay be is doing! ' t i "Attending to ibtcrnal improvement-, j filing away batter cake* at the breaklatt t I "1 want yoo to tell your father lb*t 1 i j wish -to>ee bim .about that aatacriptiun c to that orpltan asvlutn." i ' Johnny shook bis beait deprocaliogly, " "It will be no Ufc for you to introduce < the bill. I'arnn. for 1 tell you candidly I I shall use my influence to kill it off In tbe i Senate. It will never reach the ( hirer- I the money of the people to, relievo or- i pbans. It will open s d.ior I" Iraud and islabta got that you youndf are not the i orphan who expects to lie relieved? Y'wu i bad better retire y-mr bill, lHuwin. At any rale I char." and be clued the door in the dazed clergyman's face. "When Johnny roiurnod to the break Ia«t table, Col. Fizxletop asked Johnny to whom be bad liecn talking. Johnny re. p'.ied tbat tl was Ifarson Bmith, but-dhat be had sat dowu oa bim in tbe commiyk | room, and be would n 't turn up agfiinEbls , session.

"Johnny," said Ool. Fizxletop, "I j p! [ Siooe you have l-ceo running with those )d legislaLira you talk like a foul, but 1 know th a remedy for you. j e> Johnny rauotercd off. remarking that ; gi lie was i.pi-oeil to all special am) tU-» | ai I li-gislation. tlial there had been too much J A , ot it already in tbat family. til J diuny't exper it-oca's at school were pi very dtw; -u racing to our ioripient legirla- in , Wbro the teacher called bim out to My Lit testoo, lie arose Trenu hi* scat and ly , moved to refer tbe whole matter tn tlie a' (-•mmlltec on s]kmi£cs and lead Jeuc; 1». w Tlie teacher asktd blin what lie meant lly oi I "Sir. yngunge lias been ured by you tr . in Ibe beat of debate," replied Johnny, w , thrusting one hand inside of bis vest, am! T j inldtng hie natc up lo Ole as7. language . iias been used tbat is unheooniog to a ( gentleman " . - . j I When Ibe tfiirlier got through dragging bun over tbe bencher, Johnny went loan* " J very indignant lo see tbe Governor alrnit " Tbe Governor war not in. but Johnny', mother told biiu Ibat Ids father left P word for him lb chin np llie yard. John- c ' py laughed scornfully: "Ha, another meaaagc from the Gov or- b , n-gl 1 bcljere tbe aage of Segnin uuu'g- b luca be can run Ibis legislature, lie will * ' know better after awhile." c Jolinuy's fstbor came boulc, tbe 1 flrM thing be wanted to ldow was why ' the yard bad out been cleaned up. *Joha- ' nv gave tbe old man some tackrt alsmt j legislative function*, when tbe old mso reached (Hit sod cis-te a Mtnciiaful uiot i'iu to fay Johnny •« tbe table. I "There." said t'ol. Fizxletop, as be 1 * threw away the broken pictr of a la d slal, "I shall make u*c of tbat veto wbi n- ! ever I think you need it." d J- Jinny bas retired to tbr shades of pri- < rate life, and oner more rajoya the res;«ct of bis family and f/ieu'K A stranger leaned^bvir the har of a Michigan avenue .;.l -V lb* other day amj ' wbisperingly inqnirrdy i "Partner, what is llie |>opufatino of the ' Foiled States ?" "Hard on lo 30.000 000, 1 b ltcvc," was! "Ob, yet." 5 ™ "Y'on'U bet on that — , '' "I'd like nothing better than lo but ten 1 '■ on on P." 1 * ■'Well, yonfll bars a chance. There's a ' cliap down In tk* abo* store wbn rfaims that we haven't got 33.Wft.lgvi population 1 1 and lie is bluflug evrrybuily. I'll bring ! ' bim qji if yon'il make a bet and lake bim < down a peg." "Bring bim along." I Tbe monger went away an 1 returned 1 witb the bluffer, who bad no sooner en- 1 ' Irred the salqpu than be railed out; I J "Where's tlie (nan who says Ibis court- t try bas ovty 40.000.000 population ?" f ' The *alonolM modestly replied that lie 1 ; tbe maB. and in ksa than a initiate \ the two Ira-d-.lfar lulls wen- put into tin 1 "There'! a n*w man in il.e : the way uLiik Los tbe fa« cra-us figure, fi I on it." sod the Hloonjat-ai.il all went o*r b . *o see the mailer jet tied. a ' Thftfigurea showed that tbe beer seller • ' b*d w.m by-a Imgv mtjority, but nothing f; j eo that map. nor below, nor behind it. a r could tell w hat bad lecorae of the man d ■ who held tbe Make. Indeed, ft was oflly g * after the one who bad lost bad slipped - . «*»y tliat^ anybody realised thai Ibry e t were ©rofedrrslcv Then tbe viciiin a c Halted out ■ lib a club to bunt tbe world 3 over and reduce the populali n by oar'. ' but bis acareh was iD vmiu. — /trtrait Frrtr ; . I Tb* T-vJlbfol ookir, beauty and lustre " ISSSSSBSSr-*" w ;

niampedlnv m Crowd. I il was s odd. w.-: day. and llie Inua [ j two hours fate. Tbe I iekrl office at . till- depot was rrowdtR. The half-dozen i chair* In tld place were drawn op clow i tbr Move ami occupied by druiunwr". Behind lie- cin le of rliair* tlore. wert- ; row* of damp and ahlvering mortals. Handing up and getting wlret abate of Uk i tbey could over Ibe- brails of tbr . i Crowded into ibe front raw behind - Ibe chair-. Wben a loud hiccough that bad been siniggling with liaj attracted the alteulloo ot every. Ku- in lbFpface. be trove. Then pulling Id- band Ht-lita picket, and taking (oul a Itaudful of .gun . cmrtridgea, be Aiid; "GrnU .mn. Yte i \ hie* been out -in- J ing dorks, and .bic) ■ I'm tired corvine tboa- l»c .artihlgc* As be spiike. U." -w.vel f.wwai.l and . threw the tartitdges-Ue-..- weir Dia .1 a wild stampede. Toe peuplii in the - office el i ml*. I over one ItNisr ia tbeir Tiie fat rrpitWrtUtiwc of a-Xvw Y.wk clothing b-orse. as be went out Uu door, ■ collided with a brakesman who w*. cmus 'logizc, f"i tbe loakesuiBD hE bim be- - the tat and knocked .Tiim over IK: - else .4 tbe pfalfotm. The Ibket clerk - fay down Iwhind the cjmoler ami yelled 1 "firr. " and a polinrinER sprained his inc couulryman who was rudring lor i Ik sbel - 1 When they all Mopped for lirtwMi »nd r looked back, tbey saw tlu- iucoiMUd Dl-onsmao sitting down in a chair, tilting himself back .in a comfortable altitude, 0 and putting bis feet on Ibnatorr. "Fur heaven's sake, somebody rave 1 him." said a braevolral-lqpking gentlefc man. "He is evidently inranr ... l.„ a drunk to realize bis danger."

plug, aud would have wa»bed out Ibe Uckcl office if Ibe fire-plug bail tug declined to squirt. The crowd stood on: itc riiu slavering for HlmlM If RltoUHR, 1 J l exjKCling every moment le »v Ibe More get up on its bind leg* and project itself and the tipsy sportsman tlrrougb tire roof. All ltd* time llie fatter w*« Drinking at i lie stove, chuckling In litiuv-lf, and dropping a handful of cattridg.* one by .on: into tbe Rtovr. Wben be liad warrorel bituself tbcaimgl. - ly lio sauntered out and went up town to beyond their reach tliat tbe pcople oul in the rain began to gnash thrirtrMh. asa he fact dawned on litem that the earttidgea were empty shell.: that the man wasn't drank at all. and tbey acre sold. - ! "1 want to koow If there 1* any law in it country for poor folks!" began a wr* as she stopped a oolh*rH*ii to M irldgan avenue yesterday. "Tliere ought to be, 1 *uppoae,"Mie replied in a douliting way. "What fa your "Well, lira other night 1 waa gtuog and in front of a vacant lot owned by a rich man, 1 (ell down and almost killed myself. 1 want to make bim pay damages, but all my neighbors say dial I tam't'do it. Isn't there a stringent about ioc on the sidewalks?" "Y'es'tn. In case you are a poor man yon must clean il off. In case you are a rich man yoo can wait for n thaw." "But would you begin suit?" 'Til leave that lo you. In tbe first place tbe defendant will claim tbal you "My star.: but I never touch a drop!" "Nb matter: then, be will claim that be hive* a man by the year lo keep the walk "Y'es, hot il wasn't dtai." "Of coarse not. bat he'll prove that the man died smddcciy and be didn't know it. Have y-H a weak ankle?" i "Well, bt'll prove that you bare, or you I wouldn't lave fallen. And then, docs be ' own ibe loir "Why, I suppose so." "Y'our supposing so msy all be wrrog. Begin the soil and you may find tbat his wife bas a deed, flue the wife, and j "U'll find rbels gone lo Florida to spend llie winter, tearing tbe care of tbe lot to . a man who was called lo Chicago to see , brolliag die just at Ibe time he should have bren -siting that sidewalk." i "Then I litre no remedy?" "It fa a doubtful toc. No one oven i you fall. The Jury wnuld only have ; word for It, and tbe plilntiff might "Dear, dear. dear, me!" she gasped es she picked up bcr basket, "what a lock? tbisg for me that 1 met yoo! ' I shall look upon this as one of the mem miracolouof my whole fife. Stat* aud garters! but bow could I hive been so foolish asm think of a law suit?'— Detroit rt" /Vera. Aprnniiurnl Aupliu i.«yr- 1- -ibc-riuj«-father of a boy jrho steals everything he tan fay bis bands ou- A few dsys ago tbe father said angrily In Lis son: "You base bren stealing applosand things from tbe grocery to the cornet. What is all this stealing going Income to?" "I know, pa. AU I know is a hat the grocery into aaid." "What did be ray F "Nothing, except Ibat I come by It hocest'y, and thai you and me would met ! day in the penitentiary." Good for Balile. ■ , a' brew oothiaffia ao orefor quieting my own aad babv'aanrrra ra Barker's Ginger Tome. It^ prevents bowel complaints, and Is better than any stimulant to giro azrength nod appetite.— A Newark MAbeT ^