[?]

VOLUME XXIX. v CAPE MAY CITY. NEW JERSEY. SATURDAY. NOVEMBER 3. 1883. WHOLE NUMBER. 1529.

cape ma-st city. n. y.j • 1.50 a year in Advance, • a. no i va.s 'W« wot f1io iw idtjbci. tCftfMlflQd «ards. J B. HC7WAS, ^12S5mvfc * Nncr A incER* At cap. May cny tally tvrter wommBoa 'EL DODGLASSA TTO B N E Y-A T-L A W boucttor ik CHANCERY • i"°_* out MAT car yy alter a. bahbowb, . attorxey-at-law •QL1CTTO* ib ciubcbht. Morwr noav. b. j. •pa. j. r. leaking a son, DEN'T78T8, J-AME8 M. R HILDRETTL attorneyiat-law solicitor, master abo xx a bib kr ib cbtTB. ** **r**v CVD.TT" •ppebbert w. edmunds, ~ attornefat-la w, SOLIITTOS and wastes ib chancery. Cap* Mat city, B. 1. a!l-y At OaRA own Bow. Tu— !•>• tM rt1."»y«. J)R. JAKES H. INGRAM, PHT81CIAN AND BURGEON, OREEN creek. 5. I. •pTENBT M. BOYD, ATTOBNEY-AT-LAW OONVKTANCER, wst rako fob •BOTAHT public. '"tlt.j •pEURKN TOWNSESD. * aoebt cumber la BO MUTUAL EIRE INSURANCE CO. OBIT. .ICQ. Mil Own ll .ore. B Xjat-t LFRED FLANDERS, COUNSELLOR. AT-LAW. |hrfhi«« Carls. T^lroe R. WILLIAMS, ARCHITECT AND BUILDER. WILL wake drawibor. abo strewn 1prbo or contract nmnw wartibem «*,.oap» Map, xi. | A SHipi,* fwaottoai. A INTER AND GLAZIER, •^ajgaaiic— QMA?re~A.ND SEWING HAB. F. HORNER, Daatarta i HMRB. WjUffi &SEWI8G MAtHHES *** 52y* (•So TO^OIB^scws • IMIOT, ilarai TIHETT • aiRHuassssr com*. rreniM; tackle. mi1uatym ^ArejKABCrACTLHE" ON rewind ■ acw jeke^eoles abb OIL A iwuliafl aSirasts. ■yjTEST JERSEY HOTEL, T. W.WOCBT. Proprietor. •pHE RaV TZSW'lMipim pierce"? point. cape mat ib), uwiK^tgoy tm lbebieli pteejtt..ps11adelpria. | •* gJMPOA^ ^ I;

_ WtMnl. | ■ turaw uyot itt utapy >iu«. ot ^ i 'out clearly Kaowtax why, Bop Blxtari i |" ' if^^a lalwra and ». v. overtaxed ' ■,oarWrra"^t* your J^woral Yette., or a ' ■Hofhe*. wars oat wkk rare sad wort. or a man * ! •olyoor everyday dalle*, or a man of Wist*. , . " will asm"* atmartltra you. " ••If yew arc awEartoc ' •Irate orrr. ratio, tw 1 r •drteEIOE.-al.y faAna. ] • fa, tn ta<.^a la opro •inecaw.- J - "Or if yoa a>> In ttn wortabop. do , •laH^. feeWr. nerve* oucrady. f • facnlttr* waninr. Ho.i Bitters la wliat , ■Md vigor.- '' | to Hop Blurry. ^ ^ ^ Ilyeear^trywM.erw^Mel , WMaS'tt. rptAro^bttWiaa ^atwt ° ul'uTsT^ .^; 7 "iT" "i"' n*t! 5 I ''flSpawIlcdnSSeL'SraUAwifr.ai.u--. iBOlk „ , ZSuffSiZ , realised tJya? f.w'«iI^»Lki^A°t".'-oSb'tni"' 1 .seat will fwra. UangeaM for o Ik. tn bead • jjjpS$^ascasfs$ ; ' RATHER TOO LOXGT ■tdc or Life a vtrnrlnlan tor tie* > cnata. Bwabary A Jot oaac. aiMliaa^Naw y . a Capr pay Co. Wrrthams. ] SCHELLKNGER, < I. ami at fat tM pMc^a^ia. Rlt oat Trac oc c OREEN CHEEK. CAl-E WAT OOCBTY, I oraiis'If mi'"™™ : And WlaoaOaaaaeaAnlt*a nnrAad U arrry a WbaaIW.' •" "*"*** )J5% t JAMES H. SCHELLENGEB, 1 FRESH AND'CCHED MEATS, ' BooatEaapera of Lower Bayaidn aod Haaaldr T TUE8D4T ABIIITUOAY i a apwdat^ kk'w>se1fcupi«aat cammottta c 1 •ffi.'TMSt.. ^ ! pHOMAS ERBICSOX'S ■ MKW STORE AT Ol'.EBN CREEK. J GROCER 1 EsTpROvfs IONS, * DRY OOODB. TRIWWINOB. B<ITI«fS ^ ■ Lafitf & BealtefflHi^ Funushmg fear ' ^ AT LOWBTT PRICKS FOR CASH t john m. russell, . ^ t (Aaecaawor toiajraea A Raaaalt.) 1 UENERAL DEALER IB o DRY GOODS, GROCERIES, . BOOT*. moRB ABD NOTIONS. ' FLOUR AND FEED, r PATENT MEDICINES, 1 i PORK, LARD, 11AMS, SEEDS, Ac. * JOBS M. KU8SXLU f Cod ftpnaf ■ Capa May Oo.N. J. c C PRICES! STORES, ^ ; No- *1 PKRRT ATT., CAPE MAT CITY. i ! &89CERIES. DRY GOODS M K0TIDKS; 1 PAISYE. OOLM®. * OIIA. YAEBls3fa. OLAAB aad PUTTY, o ! • "FEED^store! 1 I cobe. oai*. uir. b*a.» and mill rx*;> , WOOD YARD. , « I W^ODJXT A ePUT. CEDA E PCoT^all alao. t PMffiS ' IBSB&wjIHB^^ •

A Visit To a Lira Sa vine Station. Prote tea BildalUa Chmafclo. While on the way lo pay a riail lo Life Sarin, Stalk®. 5a AO, a! Cape May Point, hard by the eorrramMH l«btwe drove by Imtumae flnldi of torghum or augar cane of the Chlnean and Japan varirtiea growing atlll thriftily. ' Cape May county had aufferod nooe from , drought, and in neb of tbe corn waa yei 1 I grrrn and Ibe grain filling out. the potato patcbea looked remarkable well. Ibere nof ] baring yet been any frott to hurt Ibe ' Rio Grapde la a amall bam- 1 tome ail mllea north of Cape in latitude 89 degrcea north, and 1 longitude nearly S degree* eaal from ' Waablngton. It la altualcd upon a aandy 1 peninaui, about Are mi lea in breath, wtib 1 the Atlantic upon tbe earl and arparaud 1 from the main land by the Delaware bay, ' at tbia point about twenty mllea wide. ' We are thua particular in auting three ' facia Inaamucb aa the beat rreulta yet ob- 1 talced in thia country ou a large acaic in ' tbe way of producing augar therefrom, at 1 tbe gorernment reporta iddicale, bare 1 been in Cape May by the Rio Grande 6u. t IBi Company. 830.000 pounds of ex- 1 cedent augar were there produced tbe paal ' rear ; and it ia eatimatcd that 1.000. 000 will be made" tbia araton. Tbe company 1 of which baa been already cut and much 1 is ripening aod awaiting the hoe. To 1 form tome idem of the ineeauneou made ' here in order to manufacture eucoeaefully ' and the capacity of tbdr large ' mancfartnry. it ia laid that there ia macbi- ' nery alone in tbe value of. $85,000. Ilia ' a curioahy to aee tbe gangs of men In tbe ' Bel la cutting Ibe cane cloae to tbe ground ' with boea, aod tbe team* carting lo tLe ' mill loada of cane. Tbe barns are com- 1 m'xlioua and a large number of horere are ' owned and employed by the company In ' tbe tillage and traneportaiioo of tbe crude ' msiettai to thg factory. Tbe cultivation "f sorghum at Cape May arema to be an 1 assured auocewa unite* Ma preaent manage. 1 tnent, and every encouragement altonld Iv 1 given to an indnatty ao important to (be ' State and euuntry. The aoil aod climate ' of tbia part of New Jeraey aerm to tie ' admirably adapted to an enterpriae ao ' commendable, which la yet in ita iocipi ' racy In tbe country and but an expet 1- ' roent. which if aufceaafol and reunmera- 1 tire ben will extend aod ramify to tbe 1 ultimate, iarlog of millona of dollart now 1 used In the importation of what ia an ah- ' aolute necesaarv of life and no longer ■ esteemed ■ luxury. Having reached our deatinallon. Station ' No. 40, we alighted from tbe carriage. 1 baring been driven by Milton, aon of Mr. 1 Jiwepb Oreaac. tbe latter an old member ' of tbe aerrioe, who politely extended tia 1 were cordially received by Captain Cbaa. ' Hand, keeper, and by bia men. Supper ' waa aoon ready foe ua. and we much en Jryed tbe fried goodiea, which one of die 1 crew, baring takes bla turn In conking. 1 had prepared. Tbe coffee and bread and butter were excellent. We epent tbe evening in nodal convene with captain. friend Creme and Ibe boys, and tbe writer joined tbe ceptaln in aanoltlng n pipe, a solace not altogether peculiar to tbe Bailor. ' About ten o'clock we were abown to our ' bunka, dean and well provided beda on Iron bedateada and In n Urge and comfort ' able room containing eight or ten beda 1 aod apace enough for others If needed. * night waa a moderately clear ooe and ' we were aoon lulled lo aleep jo tbe aigbtng ' ' of Ibe balmy sea brerae and tbe aurglog ' of the breakers on tbe atrand senrby. 1 We would obacrre that tbia particular * la tbe one that waa on exhibition 1 in Philadelphia, during tbe Centennial ' celebration. It b handsomely contracted, ' and the timber aod board* are all oiled ' and varnlabed. It would be much warmer ' during tbe winter, however, if it were ■ lathed and plastered, which would ex- ' elude Use entrance of tbe cold winds. ' particularly weli-fornlabtd with all tbe 1 litest appliances for life-saving, and Is ' perhaps Ibe bast station booae to viaiL ' Tbe atatlooa are all nearly alike on tbe ' coaat, simply wooden booara. with ateep ' gable roofs, tbe only protection about Ihero 1 heiig tbe lightning rod. and tbe only or- 1 oanrent a coal of red-brown paint. From 1 May until September tliey are unoccupied, 1 though all tbe apparatua it ready for oar. 1 and the rest of tbe year become* tbe home 1 of a keeper and aix aurftneo.* who are ' paid fifty dollara a month aod arecboarn 1 for tbeb experience on tbe beach. Their ' duties are ooocbcly atatrd tn the Inatruc- " tioaa of tbe Treasury Department, to 1 which branch of tbe Government tbe ' Life Saving service belongs to. "During J tbe winter (time baa since bees extended, tbe bsach will be patrolled by tbe anrf- ' men every Eight. The patrol will consist 1 of two men from each Italian lo the right ' and tbe other proceeding lowerl the next 1 station to tbe left, and each continuing ' hi. walk until the patrol from tbe MJa- ' cent Halloo ia met. fB/ » recent order 1 tbe patrolmen when they meet paaa check* c and thus Ml shirking of duly b> prevented. '■ a* wetlas giving assurance of duty faith- 1 performed.] Each patrolman will » carry a bench lantern, also a red Onalon hand-ligfat,and when an Inlet separatee tbe atatlooa, be will exchange signals with ' tbe patrolman on tbe opposite abora. On ' those parts of tbe coaat where tbe two ' adjacent booses cannot be seen from jneb 1 other, the beach wlH be patrolled auO- ' cteuily three times a day to bring them in 1 sight threa Urnc* before sunrise and sun- 1 set. On tbe discovery at a -track or a ' vessel in dlatiraa. tbe patrolman win 1m- ' mediately born bis red Oue|oo band-light, ' both lo Mann Ibe statioas and give notice 1 to tbe wreck that succor ia near, then re- c turning to tbe station and assisting in tie 1 pcaparalioa of tba apparatua Boou, etc. • We shall t— 1 pi into the detailed dfacriptbw of tbe discovery ot a wreck, Ibe tmtfie eexwrs et time asd tbe heroic ef- ' fnetareade to ran cnlaagsred Una. We 1 have not the space, if we bad tbe atul} . ' ran bsat be fpaphenaily port ray ri c by|l|m|Uiva^«U. faar. partistp*^ ' tutfeuee saa only he aftpreoMted by lbaac ,

■ who bare witneaaed fenrfnlacenea orbern racued by their service during a atnrm , upon tbe. coast There are no more gal- . lent, generous. ayni pathetic men any wbfve . to be found than the patrolmen at our ( Life-Saving BUtiona. Tbey ore all of . good habits and are revprctably cocnrctrd. Tbe lonely walk on the bench on jm or- , dinmry dark night ia almost enough to shake the oerrn of tbe lew! EnpartU'.lout. , How most it be during a howling gale , Etnidat Hie darkness of Egypt when ll.c , roaring billows ia their fury la'b the ' strand ? , When a wreck is amidst tbv breakers I life boat is often useless. A line is , thrown over Ibe wreck either by a rocket . or mortar and shell. Many attempts to ; counrclioo are ofu-n necearary br. : fore success is assured, and the first line ia attached to a stronger one thai Is secured to the mast of Ibe reaarl lo Ibe shore. Tbe life ear I* suspended km! hauled on board Ibe distressed abip ; three four persons are put inside it and It Is back again, repealing tbe Journey until nil arc safely landed. Orienlimta great difficulty ia experienced ia fastening tbe line and relieving those on board the In tbia station the visitor can ace every device of Ibe Government for life saving, ibe "life-ar," tbe •'bcalswaWa.cbair," tbe "breeches buoy," tbe cannon, mortars, signals, aa well as almost everything else required. The unquestioned great usefulness of these stations can be readily demonstrated, and, Indeed, tbe statistics have been often published. Hundred* of lives have been saved, as well as fnUnou«ftdo!;si>, since INTO, when tbe operations of tbe service w«c extended to the limits of the present alt tricts. In 1871 Ibey were confined to Ibe coasts ot Long Island and New Jersey, when tbe merits of tbe service were folly established. Id our opinion tbe Government should grant rations lotbr surf men In addition to the monthly atipend. We know that tbey uooe too well (raid. We can apeak from experience that Ibey are not the rough, uncouth men some might imagine, courageous, intelligent men in every reaped worthy of confidence and esteem. Is a most noble provirintt fur saving lives and property, and doubtless will tc the better appreciated aa it becomes Ibe better known. We advise those who never been at a life-Saving station and ever bare an opportunity, to call at No. 40, Cape May Point, near the llchi bouse, where we guarantee that Captains and Crease will cheerfully exhibit tbe station and appliances for saving tbe shipwrecked mariner on our perilous coaata. Before leaving in tbe morning Cape Island City we took a complete survey of Ibe premises, went up into the cupola where a moat magnificent view with Ibe binocular telescope was presented of both land and sea. bad a good lireuk. fast, aod bade adieu to our hospitable friends. P. Civil Service Examination Phpera. .From Lite. Section III.— Arithmetic and Algebra— (a) Subtract 10.' (h) How much is 4 per cent ? Explain-tbe prooera. (e) Given 12 iutclMgsnl an, taken from the District e( Columbia (this la purely a auppadiioaa case), aod given, 8 horse thieve*, with tire stolen property found concealed about tbelr persons, what are the eternal ends of Justice going to do about it ? (d) Given nr borrowed— it makes no diSerwhich). 1 doxen lemons, 4 .lbs. of sugar, a small quantity of sundry apices, 3 quarts of spring water, 8 lbs. ice and 8 of claret. Stelfclat, tlicetmmc. diate result : fid, the result next day. How do you know T (r) Stole approximately In figures, carrying only as far as quadrillions, the probable friae in American morals if Troy abaold suddenly craw to be. (f) ] Another problem in probabtlltin.) A certain person, whom wr will designate by Use letter* 8. J. T., can •tend on his right foot six minute*, with lite aid of two pair* of .crotches and a with tbe aid of three pelt* o! crutches, a lirer pad and hair restorer, lie can aland on bla left foot eight minutest suppose at tbia juncture br hates both half bis money, and all bla friends, bow much show will be aland for tbe presidency T (g) Add 4 and 8 together, subtract I, and divide by one. Lrt each atrp be clrarily defined, ao that tbe examloera may readily follow, (b) Make « numerical statement In do] lata per year of affection for tbe good old party. Section IV— Pvnmaoablp.-lk«npoaa and write. aH inside of ten minutes seven poem* like Walt Wblunan'r brat, and eight chapter of a novel like E. P. Roe"». This ta not a literary feat, but it tlmply lo indicate (be rapidity with Which you can ibe pea (h) Can yo-i lu ooe word write a comprehend re description of tbe party! Ia that wotd "Dead?"' (r) Ooald yoa, tf yoa sat np all night, begin to write sa adequate rxpmsion of your regard fbr tbe Old. Old Party ! Who cwld! Scctioo V.— Belles Lrltra!— (a) I« anything dalier than an EogllMi editor. except hit readers? (b) Who novel!, ned Dairy Miller ? Wbo dramallxed Daisy Miller .» Who bad better hereafter trt Daily Killer iiooe? (et Expla'u ibe double paradox: A .certain nntortnoa ship-chandler knows ootbiag about ships, cannot even tell a bonl wbro be rot* one, ami yet la perfectly familiar- with every specie* of craft known, (d) (A question grammar. ) Have you ev*r been able to daoilne *5? (e) Name one thlqr that citlaa — ooe thing besides baked bean. (Tea, brown bread is right) (Obit true that when two Chicago girls meet in r street that both had to Uke rff their shoe*, and then finally g> back around the block f (a) flow about the Old Pan*? A certain friendly aodatj. which was i also a a-trt of mutual insurance. organic!.-, lino, bad tbia among it# printed Mtioce to the members : " In the event df jour death, you are requested lo briifc your hook policy and crrtiBcafr at once to Mr. - , when your claims will banc J»n*> diate aucntlow.*— Ex.

71 | Spoopendyke's Siilrt. 71 "I wish, my dear," aid Mr. Spoopen- i '• dybe. re.Btng nrer hsxily in bed. "I wish T you would take the studs and cuff buttons , " ont of tbe ahlrt I" wore yesterday tod put '' ihrra on a clean one for roe." '• "Of court* 1 will, you poor. dear, tired j , man," said Mrs. Spoopendyke. " As if 1 , 0 tba* was anything 1 wouldn't do fix.you," and ibe dove to tbe bottom drawer ] , p and A*hed out a shirt thai be bad carefully i , 1 stowed away underall tbe rest because be I , c didn't have a collar lo (it if. TJien the j , adjusted the studs and sleere button*, i , ' then tbe fore and aft collar button* and : . laid it across the back of a chair. j | rt "I sometimes wonder bow I used to get , 0 along as a bachelor," be *aid a* be pulled [ '■ ou the shirt. "Do you know, my dear, ) ' my daily life waa made miserable by , ' shirts? But now—" and be kissed hla | ' wib. .affsctiposJely. while she beamed , with delight end bustled around tn get | ' everything in readiness ao that he might 1 ' have to ask for nothing. ' Mr. Spoopendykc washed and arranged , himself until Ire came to the collar part of t ' the business, then be besitBted. 1 ' "Where'd you Bod this shirt, anyway 5" c be Slid." stretching bia neck *nd glaring at f 1 himacU In tbe gists. ."How far did you c r, hare to go to wrench this garment from t obscurity, eb ? What bare you done to t ' tire neck of thi« ahirt, anybow ? 1 haven't - " got a collar that will go half way round c tbe daatrrl thing." 1 Mr*. Spoopendyke fluttered up and fx- e r amlned the ahfrt in front aod then looked t at the baek.xnd finally thrust Iter hand 1 hcygen tbe hand and tbe nftfeot ber t "1 aee what it it." sberaid. "you I •aren't f " ptilled it down far enough.'' r C "Pull it down ! Poll if down ! Where t ' do you think tbia collar goer on. Sir*. 1 Spoopendyke. around tbe wain ! May be ( j you think 1 wear a collar for a liver pad ! I Where'd you get it? Where'd you find r ° if!" t ^ "I found It in the drawer with tbe rwt I of yoorablrta. my dear. There's nothing I the mailer with it," and she patted tbe i J band on both ride* of tbe neck, and then gave it n gentle tog in front. "There,'' ' rite cootlnnrd. tmiling tbrongh ber anx- . iety. "now It's all right." [_ "Oh! Yes!" returned Mr. Spoopen- j dyke, with a fearful rordonlolangh. "Of t a course. It'a all righL All you're got to do , ia to grin at anything and that make* It , . all right. Look at It, will you? Just , ' look at.iL Don't yon ace the oollar won't . , meet by a foot and a half ? Just grin at it , on« more, Mrs. Spoopendyke: Just grin ( t at it. . Itll come all right ; just grin : grin, t will yer' , "Perhaps It's shrnnk," mid Mr*. Spoop- , endyke, atroking the band tenderly, and , looking at it With a tutistical eye, aa It , , ralcnlatlng bow much shrinking might have affected it. " "Thafi what it is." returned Mr. Bpoo- ( pendykr, "now you've struck IL It's , shrunk. Wbeo It was new It nearly j choked me. now IPs struck out like a barrel hoop. I'm going to hire yon oat ( for a 'telescope, Mr*. Spoopendyke : you ( r cum further aod aee more than a min- t 2 trier's wife at a sewing society. Ob ! it's , , shrunk, that's all; it's shrunk ! Now. you , - pull on ooe side aod I will ou tbe oilier, , j, aod we'll rtretcb Jt back smaller. Get ( a bold and poll, will ye! It'a only shrunk:" j j "Let me put a atitcb lo It." suggested ( , Mr*. Spoopendyke. , , "Put * stitch In it ! It don't want any- , thing more in it. 1 .tell ye. It'a got too ( much in U. What do yoa think tbls , g 'fbiijg is anybow ? A bed quilt, eb ?" Well ( it1}* shirt from tbe shoulder* down, and ( * shoulders up. Where did you get it. J anyway? Wbo tobl you this was tbe B ahlrt I wanted ! Ever beard me lay anything about tbia ahlrt ? Ever brard me al- , B hide to Utia shirt ?" e ""Well, 1 thought— " "Undoubtedly. Mrs. Spoopentlyke. un- ( h questionably. You thought ! That's tbe ( trouble with yoa. Too much mind alto ( , getber. Next fall I'm going lo build a , r wing on TOO and start a college. You _ „ thought: Perhaps your exalted reasoning , h suggested a shirt with a collar baud that , , would go around your ideas. What are j p you going In do about it ? How're you go- , log to fix it ? Going to Band there ail ilay , l'ke a duck in tbe mud while I fatten up | to fill tnis measly thing ?" ( B -'Hopporo yoa try sootber riiirt," sug- t f gutted Mi*. Spoopendyke, timidly. , "ThEPs it • Now yoa're thinking *g*in: , As If I tado'l on shin enough for six I , Grf oat some more shirts. Mm. Spoopen. , . dyke. Gel 'em ill oar. Mtn wants trot . Utile bere behiw but wants Utal al! Id , ablita Pull 'cm oat — dag-gasl tbe thing." J R-l-l-p! . . "There, now," said Mr. Spoopendyke, as he hauled Ibe wreck off and kicked it i * under the bed. fNow p'raps yoa're rot- 1 isfi-d, Mrs. Spooprodykr. I've batted ■ I the thing for good." < u Mf Spoopendyke crawled uoder tbe 1 bed fisbed out tbe torn garment, rescued . ~ tbe studs and alee re buttons and Intro- i dueed them to another shirt, with which I , Mr. Spoopendyke arrayed himself In si- < lmre. "Aoathee time, Mrs. Bpoodendyke," - * said be al length, "I'll thank yoa lo let '■ my shirts since. I never bad any trouble . J" when I waa a bachelor, and bereafter you 1 wont interfere with my thing* unlen I ' give special Instructions. You uDderritntT - ' "Yes, dear," smiled Mrs. Spoopendyke, ' b aaihe lollowgd bag lord !o breakfaaL L "tA hat yrr gotng to do with that dog!" * asked one gamin to another who was lead- | *" iox a thin, and boosely yellow dog by a , pies* of bay-rope. "Goto' down feq to sell blm fer a quar- " ter Inn man in Washington Market." "Ain't yer bad him a long while !" , "Hoot two years." "Then I wouldn't sell hip:, and not sty , htm any more." waatbepatbelicRjeiadro O of tbe other gamin. ir "Bat we'll have him hack tonight. He ' "r tell him two tw three time* a week, and »- i And "be walked on whistling " Swot* I Vk*NA--/VO.

The Art of Lying In Bed. NOBLE Tuorouia noxx or OEBtr* seed. 1 1 I One nt the roost nvful. yet neglected, 1 : ! of all the sits It that of lying lo bed. The i j damage that i* done 4iy person* getting , 1 ia part ail reckoning. AH themUchhf ■Jimd crime. tItt rnoEtetftltlBg Ml! forgety, i the murder anil theft are perpetrated by i ; only individuals ilo wrong by leaviog Ibcir , ! txrdr, but rivers as well do *n immense , | amount of damage. Witness the Ohio | riser, which left i:s led a few weeks since, How much' damage Us its diversion wrought? What an immense, incalculable amount of work, labor and expense : no; its early rifting caused : What was ever dunned by a creditor, had , eye put m mourning by a too cioee proximity with some one'* fist, broke his on s slippery pavement, was run over by an omnibus, wbo lay in bed ? compllahed In war. in pxetry, in literature, by genius abed : What noble thoughts been born Khwcvn the sheets, and. once delivered from their authors' brains, Jt hmlilCc. whistling down the race their shadows before"— one ot the most memorable lines iu the English language originated with Ibe gin-loving poet, Tom Campbell, -one morpiog before he bad arisen. Longfellow thought out that exquisite poem, "The Wreck of tbe Hesperus," after be had retired. Ben Franklin said -. "Early to bed and early to rise makes a matt healthy, wealthy and wise." Now, Franklin started out all right, bu! got terribly mixed when he said "early to rise." There is the fatal mistake. People who rise early are sure to catch the matbe ground is full of half.fcatcfacd poisonous germs: tbe sun is not up and not wanned them into life, given them wings and set Item adrift. Poor, misguided man, be arises, Inhales them all; they fructify and poison his entirety-item; chilli, fever, malaria and half the . ills that human flesh is belr to. Was ever more arrant nonsense written? a man getting up on a cold, rainy morning and climbing one of tbe high hills about Cincinnati on an empty stomach, and leaving hit French coffee and hot rolls, poached egga and oyster flew, to eat wli»i? Why. dew. How loog would that fellow last? Wouldn't be be a fit candidate for LongTicw, and no questions asked? Bat, the early bird catches the Yes, but the sharp boy koocked that delusion in the head forever sn l eternally when lie said: "Father, there's tbe point; whit In thunder did the worm get up so early for?" He trifled with destiny; he tempted fate; he should not have done it- That boy waa a benefactor to tbe human race. He was sound on Ibe question. The French proverff says, Dt Utah fitdt a la taiU au IU-- From bed to grub, from grub to bed." That'* something like it. Get up and cat, eat and go bed again. Why not! All the animals do iu All nature, the grand mot Iter of us all," teaches iL Every animal in the Iraki rati and seeks repose. Tbe cow eats, and, down, placidly cbews ber cud ; the anaconda swallows an ox, horns and all, and goes to aleqr— "sleep that klnta up the raveled sleeve of care; the birth of excb day's life, sore labor's hath, balm of mind*; great nature's second course; chief noutlaher In life's feast-" And yet this is what they wooW deprive us of wbo gel up aod who oppose tlie art of lying a hoi. A Spanish Minister, suddenly raired to power, sigoalixed the event by golug to tied and staying there for fear be might have something to do- It was in bod, al tbe little inn at Waterloo, that tbe Duke of Wellington received the list of the terrible casualties of the latal 18th of June. Gray's "Ode lo Music" was written in bed and Sam Johnson's "L>bo'a Voyage to Abyssinia" waa dictated to tbe printer* before the great author of the "Li sea of the Poets" and lexicographer bad arisen. Pindar (Dr. Wolcott) was ao ford of lying abed that be received bis visiter, beneath spiralis and counterpane* wrote one ot bis finest operas in d, and waa too laxy to pick up a sbert tba bad fallen away. George IV lay in Led to read the newspapers and Macau lay read twenty page* of Schiller before getHug np. John Foster llmogbt out bia sermons In bod and the methodical Anthony Trollop* used lo read ao hour lav getting up. Cynical Pope wrote; 1 wake a: night Fools eome Into my awl and so Va-rltr. Mrs. Macbeth strikes the kcyrae when she shouts; "To bed I lo bed:"*Pcople hunt tbe world for pleasure, indulge io all soru of mad pranks in their search for recreation and repose, roam from the North to tbe Southern Crow, penetrate African juoglea and frerxe wilb Siberians and Laplander*, climb the Alps, swelter at Saratoga and Long Branch in pursuit of pleasure. Alas tbey serk happiness where it is not and neglect It where it la 1 —in bed. gat ap: Ttstae secret otgarry; ^Sotting ao tnis can peureopbypresa.^ "Sreargat ap- waa ttaw pslnnpie .U1L a Typical Muxu. — a man wbo died a • few days ago near Gosbeo, N. Y., is said 1 3 have accumulated some 850,000 by such sordid mean ores aa waa Uinauatol wbeo • bis mother at tbe age of eighty area worn oat with hard work and years, she applied tn ber BOO for support for tbe rest of ber life. He purchased bar a pair M aboos t wad then walked ter twenty redes to the r poor bouae. Taking tbe shoes from ber. . he turned ber over to the poor bouae aulh [ critics aod left heT without a word. She I died in tbe lostilutlco soon alter ward and was buried a panprr. His wrahn now l prt to a 17-ycar-old girl, Ute only welcome rumor to bis bovpL

Jim Wolf and the Cats. ' I knew by the sympathetic glow upon his ' j bald head— I knew by tbe though (ful lock ' upon hi* face— I knew by tbe emotional * flush upoo the strawberry on the end of • be old free liver's none, that Hlroon Wbexl- !' er's memory was busy with the olden time. • ' Aod ao 1 prepared to leave, becaure al( c , tiicee were symptoms of a remloiscence— ' ' signs that lie wa* going to be delivered of ' emitter of bis sirooome personal expert- ; ' ecces— but I waa loo slow; he got tbe Bar* ' oo me. Aa ocariy as I can recollect, the ' infliction was couched in the following j i "We was all boy*, then. Caff didn't care 1 ■ for ndtking, only how to shltk school and ' keep a rerivin' state of devilment all the ' time. This y ere Jim Wolf I was talkio' 1 ' abxul was the apprentice, and was the ' ; best-hearted feller, he was, and Urn most ■ • forgivlo' and onselfish 1 ever sec,— well. 1 there cooldo't be a more bullier boy than he was, take him bow you would; and ] 1 sorry enough I was when 1 see him for the ! 1 1 "Mi and Henry was always pestering j ' > him and plastering boss bills on bit back. ' i aod putting bumblc-beos in his bed. and 1 1 • so on, and sometimes we'd crowd to the i ' 1 bunk with him notwithstanding bis growl- < ■ in;, aod then we'd let on to get mad and i 1 ! fight acrost, so as to keep him stirred up ' ■ like. He wss nineteen, be wax, and long. ' • lank and bashful, and we was fifteen and I sixteen, tolerably laxy aod worthless. "So that night, you know, that my sis- 1 ' ter Mary gave litis candy-pullin' tbey 1 ! started us off to bed early, so the comp'ny 1 I Jim to have some fun. ' 1 > "Our winder looked out on the roof of 1 ■ tbe ell. and about 10 o'clock a couple ol ' ■ old tow rats got to rairin'and cbargin' ' around oo it and carry to* on like «tn. There 1 I was four indies uf snow ou the roof, and ■ ' it was froxeao that there wasa right smart 1 ■ crust of ice on it, aod the mom was shin- ' • ing bright, and we coold tec them tats ' • like daylight. First they'd stand off and 1 - e-yuw.yow, jurt the saute a* if they wasa 1 ' "up their hack* and push up Ibcir tail*, aod 1 | sudden Ibe grey cat be'd match a handful I • of fur from the yaller cat's hatn, and spin 1 r hint around like tbe ballon on a bam door. 1 . Bu! the yaller cat was game, and be'd cotuc 1 , and clinch, and the way they'd gouge, and t bite, and bowl, and the way they'd make 1 1 tbe fur fly was powerful. 1 I "Well, Jim. he got disgusted with the t row, and 'lowed be'd climb ont there aod I shake 'em off that roof. He bad'ot recly 1 • oo notion of duin' it likely, but wc ever- 1 I lariingljr dogged him and bully-ragged him 1 1 aod 'lowed he'd always bragged how he 1 i wouldn't lake a dare, and ao on. till bltnc- ' t by he bitted the winder, aod behold you : . he went— went exactly as ho was— colli. t io' ou but a shirt, and it was abort- You > ought to a *ecn him creepin' over that icc, ' ; and diggin' his toe-nails and finger-nail* iu tor to Keep from slippiu", and, "bore all. ' . you ought lo a seen that shirt a flappio' in j the wind, and them loog ridicklous shank* . of ItL'o glistening in lire moonlight. > "Them cotup'oy folks was down there 1 i uuder the caves, the whole squad of Vra t under lint sliwl ot dead WaihUon Bower I vines— all renin' round about two doacn , sassera of hot candy, which tbey act to the : snow to cool. And tbey were laugjiin , and talkiu' lively; but bless you, they x didn't know nolbin' 'bout the panorama f that waa goto' to be over their heads, f Well, Jim. L» went a *neakin' and a fncak- ; to' up unbeknowu to them torn cats— tbey t was swithln' their talis and yow-ypw-ln' 0 and thrrateuin' to clioch, you know, and . not payin'any attention— he went a sneakin' and a sneaktn' tight up to the comb of ii tbe roof till lie was iu a foot and a-half of it 'em, and then all of a suddiot he made a t grab for the yaller cat. But, by gosb, he L missed fire and slipped his bolt, and his t liceis flew up -an' be flopped on his back - and shnt ofTo that roof like a dart, went - a smashln' and a crasbln' down through 1 litem old rusty vines, and landed right Id i> the dead centre of ail them comp'ny poo. s pie, and sat down like a yearth -quake in f them two doxen aaawra of red-hot candy, and let of^a howl that was hark from the 1 tomb. Them girls— well, they left you I know. They *oc he wasn't dressed for comp'ny. and so Ibey left. All dooe in a a second; It was just one little war whoop, 1 aod a whislt of tbdr dresses, aod blame » the One of 'em wasn't to sight anywhere. f "Jim, be was a sight. He was g wmrd - with the bilin' hot molasses candy clear s down to bis heels, and had more busted - rawer* baagla' I" him than if lie was an - Injun princes*— and be cum a prancto' up stairs -just a wbonpin'and a cusaln', and every jump be give be shed *ome china, aod every squirm he fetched be droppid 1 ' Aod blistered ! Why. biros your soul, that poor ereetur couldn't reely ret down • comfortable for as much a* foor week*." I — Mark Twain. Gdmg down the great Jackson t-u'.v • from Grenada, Miss., a regular old braneipau native ot tbe 8lale entered the sleeping car and paid for a berth, lie had oner been inside of a car of llic kind, and everything astonished him. When v the porter came lo make up Ibe beds 1 saw that the native waa greatly perplexed, ; Imji aa be made no direct appeal II wasn't my duty lo post him. J!e waa Ibe first one lo make prep*raliuai for bed. He ; glanced anxiously around, pulled off ooe i ' boot, and ibeo took a'roat for five min- ' a minutes. When the other boot came off ^ tbe problem waa solved- Pushing bia n boots under tbe berth be started for the ° rear platform, and nothing was beard of d him for about ten minutes. Then be put " bis bead into the door aod called out : " "At? y-xi una in Ibari, took out, for I'm e arming !" And cotne be did. He bad ' disrobed while atandtog cm tbe platform, made a bundle of octal, vest and pants. ^ aod. as be shot into bed after a run up , the aisle, be gurgled out; "Old Miasiaa- - Ippi may be a little alow, but she alius : gits tbari Juat tbe same i"

The Editor of the Other Paper., the tltntrr* Ctreator. "Are you !be editor?" said tbe min who a conciliatory smile and dyed beard. We acknowledged that at present we served and inrtructed the people to that capacity, aod to prove our a saw 1 1(1% we showed hint the blisters made oo pur bands by our exertion to operating tbe Arhlmcdlao lever that move* tbe world.1, "Weil, 1 want you to surprise me with it flattering peraooal.nollee in your paper. I am going to run for constable to the Eighth Ward, and want something neat tbe way of a aend-off." "Our columns are always open to adthe beat interests of tbe public; but shall expefct you to first surprise ua with a pecuniary cosnpeoaatloo; not nooeatarily for publication, but merely aa a pledge ot good tailh." "Ill pay. A man eanjr-Wpect to be surprised without pejidfloc It In advance. . i What have you got?" "We can accommodate you with almost . afiy kind ot personal notice from a cheap V.t'ciru-plaied biography to an eighteen1 1 obituary, and at a scale ot pcfcaa . varying according to the strain on our . | columns and veracity. Jfpw, bow would I like this? It U n neat little pre- , gent, and it-will coal you only 81.50: " "Our enterprising townsmsn, OoL B , than whom there is no more popuand genial gentleman in the length and breadth of the Empire Stole, has con-K-ntcd al the solicitation of many friends, , to sacrifice hla very profitable bostoea to the public good, aod baa authorised us to announce him as ■ candidate for the honI orable offloe of constable of this precinct.' "If that is not strong eooogb, here la a . Michael Aagrio, full IrogiA, i. -biot. [ your qttahlirs a! head and^beart will be touching!? alluded to, and you will be ' commended tor your generous impulses — , oo'.y »3 50 each insertion. Then we have I brilliant thing, after Mozart, whldh Is j really intended tor gubernatorial candi- . dates — speaks of your aimplicily ot char. I after, jean clothes, and pay-as-you-go , proclivities — but it can be made to soil a ] prospective constable. It will coat you , 83. There are several others from 83 to, «!0 each. For referring to you as an 'old [ landmark,' 81 extra is charged." j "I reckon you can saw me off three , dollar*' worth; but you must throw to tiiaething about my war record." , "Wc always do that." j "And just wiod up by surprisiag Cop- . tain Bill Soiike. lie is runniog against I wouldn't say anything be might , lake offence aL Only say be is sot fit for . the offloe, because he has a breath .like a liuxzard and tbe record of a convict. You ] might add that my brother hasn't got a wife that baa fit*. That will hit him j where lie is sore, for bl* brother's wife is robject lo flu. 1 don't care to log any j personalities into this campaign unless I am obliged to." j "We can't do it. Colonel. Your rival , is out pcraootl friend. He is a subscriber." "I'ahaw: I thought you were running c an independent paper to tbe interest ot , the people, but 1 ace you are tbeaubalr dixed organ of a political clique." And J off he went to sec the other paper. Bamg a Boy. 1 Ooe of the best thing* to tbe world to ' K is a boy; it requires no experience, " though it Deeds practice to be a good ooe. The diiadvantage of the position ia that lie docs not last long enough. It Is soon over. Jurt aa you get used to being a boy, you have to be something else, with a good deal more work to do aod not half - ao much tun. And yet every boy is anxious to be s man, aod is very uneasy with " the restrictions that are put upoo him as a I b°3-' (. 2. There are so many bright spot* io , think I should like to live the life over B again. 1 should almost be willing to be a k girl it il were not for tbe chore*. These 3 I* a gnat comfort to a boy to tbe amount . ot work be can get rid of doing. It ia sometimes astonishing Low slow be can go B oo an errand. Perhaps he couldn't exr plain, himself, why, when be is sent lo , Ibe neighbor's after yeast, be stops to •'.one the frog*. He is not exactly cruel. e but he wants to are If he can bit "em. 8. II is a curious fact about boys, I hat I t wo » ill be a great deal slower to doing , anything than one. Boys have a great i power of helping each oilier do nothing. , Hot mj what you will about tbe general „ usefulness of boys, a farm without a boy a would very soon a Hue to grief. He is al- , way* to demand. In the flrat place, be j bis to do all Ibe errands, go lo the qtore, the pott office, and to carry all sorts at ntroftsgv*. lie would like to have a* maoy limit tries lo do, and people who have .--n him "turning csrt-wheeL" aloog tbe oile of tbe road bare supposed that be was amusing bimseU and idling bis Ume. He was only trying to invest a new mode ,. nt locomotion, to that he could economize bis legs, and do bis errands with greater dispatch. Leap-frog is one of hi* methods j of getllog over the ground quickly. He has a natural genius for combining pleatq ore with business. — Char lea Dudley War- | Ber. I "The oeosua-Uktr was doing ooe of : the interior lowaa, as i* Ibe case to those ■ places, about every year, aod alorc house t be interviewed the proprietor. After orr- - tain inquiries, be eald : ^ f "Have you a wife ?" , "Yea" r "First ooe ?" f "No, the last ooe, out of four." t "Any children !" "A few." i "How many ?" j 'ThirioM." " • "Any idiots ?" "Well, let me eec"-ecratd>tog hi. beaj. p in a tboughlfai attitude— "I guess there's . ooe. Thai's ma Put it down to lbs , book that way, anyhow, oc general prim gptSE."— JfCHlk— t TVoseier.