VOL. XV. OCEAN CITY, N. J., THURSDAY, MAY 30, 1895. NO. 9.

Ocean City Sentinel.

PUBLISHED WEEKLY AT OCEAN CITY, N. J.,

BY R. C. ROBINSON, Editor and Proprietor. $1.00 per year, strictly in advance. $1.50 at end of year.

Attorneys-at-Law.

MORGAN HAND,

ATTORNEY AND COUNSELLOR AT LAW

Solicitor, Master and Examiner in Chancery Supreme Court Commissioner, Notary Public,

CAPE MAY C. H., N. J. (Opposite Public Buildings.)

LAW OFFICES

SCHUYLER C. WOODRULL, 310 Market St., Camden, N. J.

JONATHAN HAND, JR., Attorney-at-Law, SOLICITOR AND MASTER IN CHANCERY, Notary Public,

CAPE MAY COURT HOUSE, N. J. Office opposite Public Buildings.

Physicians, Druggists, Etc.

DR. J. S. WAGGONER, RESIDENT Physician and Druggist, NO. 731 ASBURY AVENUE, OCEAN CITY, N. J. Pure Drugs, Fine Stationery, Confectionery, Etc., constantly on hand.

DR. J. E. PRYOR, PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON, Ocean City, N. J.

Special attention given to diseases of the Nose and Throat, and of Children.

Restaurants.

MARSHALL'S DINING ROOMS FOR LADIES AND GENTS. No. 1321 Market Street, Three Doors East of City Hall, PHILADELPHIA. STRICTLY TEMPERANCE. MEALS TO ORDER FROM 6 A. M. TO 8 P. M. Good Roast Dinners, with three Vegetables, for 25 cents. Turkey or Chicken Dinners, 35 cents. Ladies' Room up-stairs with home-like comforts. PURE SPRING WATER. OPEN ALL NIGHT. BAKERY, 601 South Twenty-second Street. Ice Cream, Ices, Frozen Fruits and Jellies. Weddings and Evening Entertainments a Specialty. Everything to furnish the table and set free of charge. NOTHING SOLD OR DELIVERED ON SUNDAY.

HARRY S. DOUGLASS, Counsellor-at-Law, CAPE MAY COURT HOUSE, N. J.

DR. WALTER L. YERKES,

DENTIST, Tuckahoe, N. J. Will be in Ocean City at 656 Asbury avenue every Tuesday.

C. E. EDWARDS. J. C. CURRY. DRS. EDWARDS & CURRY, DENTISTS, Room 12, Haseltine Building, Take Elevator. 1416 Chestnut St., Philadelphia, Pa.

THE EARTH'S CRUST. It Is Said to Be In a Constant State of Slight Agitation.

According to Professor John Milue, the crust of the great globe "upon which we live and have our being" is in a constant state of agitation, weaving in and out, up and down, like a circus tent in a cyclone. There are earth move-

ments that are being experienced at all

times and in all lands, but they are so

slight from month to month and from year to year that they generally escape detection. In all the countries of Europe and in many of those in Asia,

most notably Korea and Japan, these tiltings are so great as to be noticed even by the unscientific and inexperienced representatives of the lower castes.

Germany seems to be the seat of greatest European earth crust agitation, Japan occupying a similar position in Asia.

Of the above two countries Professor Milue says: "In both Germany and Japan, a tidelike movement, too great to

be produced by lunar attraction, has

been observed, the ground being gently tilted once every 24 hours and sometimes twice, in which case the night disturbance would be greatest, and in all cases buildings, trees, etc., stand slightly inclined, like cornstalks in a gentle, steady breeze." In short, the earth is constantly breathing, so to speak, the crust marking each respiration by a gentle rising and falling, similar to that of the chest in air breathing animals. It is believed that a certain per cent of this earth crust disturbance is due to conditions similar to those which bring about earthquakes. This is especially true as far as it regards Japan, where it has been traced to the continual opening and closing of the broken strata in the main range of mountains.

Among other movements of the crust of our panting earth are the so called "microseismic" or "tremor storms," which are now defined as being long, flat earth waves, similar to those of an ocean swell. There may also be occasional disturbances in earth levels caused by earthquake waves, which quite frequently extend entirely around the world, although inappreciable to the senses of persons located only a few hundred miles from the "center of radiation" of the seismic shock.--St. Louis Republic.

H. M. Sciple. J. M. Gillespie. H. P. Sayford. H. M. SCIPLE & CO.,

DEALERS IN

Boilers and Engines, Every Size for Every Duty, DUPLEX STEAM PUMPS, Third and Arch Sts., PHILADELPHIA, PA.

Contractors and Builders. S. B. SAMPSON, Contractor and Builder, No. 305 Fourth St., Ocean City, N. J. Jobbing promptly attended to. Plans, specifications and working drawings funished.

JOSEPH F. HAND, ARCHITECT,

CONTRACTOR AND BUILDER,

Ocean City, N. J.

Plans, Specifications and Working Drawings furnished. Estimates given on Application. Satisfaction guaranteed.

A NEW TEST FOR GEMS. Diamonds, Rubies and Sapphires Are Floated to Prove Their Genuineness.

An accurate scientific method has at last been discovered whereby precious stones may be distinguished from the fraudulent gems which are now so numerously manufactured in the laboratories of Paris and other continents' cities. This is by testing them for their specific gravity, but not by the scales occasionally used for large stones and which, however delicate, are unreliable.

The new means of detection of bogus gems is simple and ingenious and is likely to be widely adopted in the jewelry trade. It is the chemist who has added this knowledge to the lapidary's art. Several liquids have been discovered which are more than 3½ times as dense as water, and in which therefore the amethyst, the beryl and other light stones will actually float.

The most useful of these liquids is methylene iodide, which has a specific gravity of 3.3, and in which the tour-

maline readily floats. Moreover, it is not corrosive or in any way dangerous.

It being impossible for the lapidary to prepare a number of liquids each having the specific gravity of a different gem stone, the methylene iodide is eas-

ily diluted by adding benzine to it. Each drop of benzine added makes the liquid less dense, and so it may be used to separate the tourmaline and all the lighter gem stones from each other.

If it is doubtful whether a certain gem be an aquamarine or a chrysoberyl, all that is necessary is to place it in a tube of the liquid together with a small fragment of true aquamarine to serve as an index. If it be a chrysoberyl, which has a specific gravity of 3.6, it will sink like lead. If it be an aquamarine, which has a specific gravity of 2.7, it will float. If the liquid be then stirred and diluted until the index fragment is exactly suspended, the gem also will neither float or sink, but will remain poised beside it. This method may be adopted with all of the lighter stones. But for heavier gems like the carbuncle, the jargoon, the sapphire, the ruby, the spinal, the topaz and the diamond a different liquid is necessary. This has lately been discovered by the Dutch mineralogist Retgers. He has found a colorless solid compound which melts at a temperature far below that of boiling water to a clear liquid five times as dense as water and therefore sufficiently dense to float any known precious stone. This compound is the double nitrate of silver and thallium.

Its most remarkable property is that it will mix in any desired proportion with warm water, so that by dilution the specific gravity may be easily reduced. This fused mass may be reduced in density by adding water drop by drop so as to suspend in succession carbuncle, sapphire, ruby and diamond.

These tests of precious stones may be made in a few minutes and are absolutely reliable, as all stones of the same nature have the same specific gravity. None of the bogus rubies or diamonds have the same weight as those they are made to imitate.--New York World.

ISRAEL G. ADAMS & CO., Real Estate AND Insurance AGENTS,

Rooms 2, 4 & 6, Real Estate & Law Building,

ATLANTIC CITY, N. J.

Commissioners of Deeds for Penn-

sylvania.

Money to loan on First Mortgage.

Lots for sale at South Atlantic City.

Plumbers, Steam Fitters, Etc.

J. T. BRYAN, Practical Plumber and Gas Fitter No. 1007 Ridge Ave., Philadelphia. Circulating Boilers, Sinks, Bath Tubs, Water Closets, Lead and Iron Pipes, Pumps, Etc., furnished at short notice. Country or City Residences fitted up in the best manner. Sanitary Plumbing and drainage a specialty. Orders by mail promptly attended to.

WALLACE S. RISLEY, REAL ESTATE AND INSURANCE AGENT, 413 MARKET ST., CAMDNE. Properties for sale and to rent. Money to loan on Mortgage.

Nicholas Corson,

CARPENTER AND BUILDER,

OCEAN CITY, N. J. Estimates given. Plans and Specifications furnished. Buildings put up by contract or day.

PETER MURDOCH,

DEALER IN COAL and WOOD,

Ocean City, N. J.

Orders left at 806 Asbury avenue will receive

prompt attention.

D. S. SAMPSON, DEALER IN

Stoves, Heaters Ranges, PUMPS, SINKS, &C.,

Cor. Fourth Street and West Avenue, OCEAN CITY, N. J. Tin roofer and sheet-iron worker. All kinds of Stove Casting furnished at short notice. Gasoline Stoves a specialty. All work guaranteed as represented.

G. P. MOORE, ARCHITECT, BUILDER, AND

PRACTICAL SLATER,

Ocean City, N. J.

Best Roofing Slate constantly on hand.

GEO. A. BOURGEOIS & SON, Carpenters and Builders,

OCEAN CITY, N. J.

Estimates given. Buildings erected by contract or day.

LEANDER S. CORSON, ARCHITECT,

CONTRACTOR AND BUILDER,

Ocean City, N. J.

Plans and specifications furnished. Terms

reasonable. First-class work.

STEELMAN & ENGLISH,

Ocean City, N. J. Plans, specifications and working drawings furnished. Jobbing promptly attended to.

TREATMENT BY INHALATION! 1529 Arch St., Philad'a, Pa. For Consumption, Asthama, Bron-

chitis, Dyspepsia, Catarrh, Hay

Fever, Headache, Debility, Rheumatism, Neuralgia,

And all Chronic and Nervous Disorders.

It has been in use for nearly a quarter of a century. Thousands of patients have been treated, and more than 1000 physicians have used it and recommended it. It is agreeable. There is no nauseous taste, nor aftertaste, nor sickening smell.

We give below a few of the great number of testimonials which we are constantly receiving from those who have tried it, published with the express permission in writing of the patients.

"Please accept my sincere gratitude for the restored life of happiness and health and vigor and usefulness that the Compound Oxygen has certainly given me. "While I was always considered a healthy child, I was known to be dyspeptic from babyhood. It was inherited. For two years I was confined almost constantly to the lounge. For more than four years I did not know a moment free from pain. All this time dyspepsia continued its ravages, except when temporarily relieved, and aggravated other serious disorders. "My friends and physicians thought I would never recover. To-day I am entirely cured of dyspepsia, can enjoy articles of food that I never dared use before in all my life. For the past year I have been up and going in ease and health, with sufficient vigor to take some part in domes- tic work of the most laborious nature. As my strength continues to improve, since leaving off Oxygen, I feel that I can conscientiously recommend the treatment, not only to cure (provided the doctors' directions are observed), but to be lasting in its beneficial effects. "MISS JAMIE MAGRUDER, "Oak Hill, Florida." "The Oxygen Treatment you sent me for C. O. Harris, a year ago, one of my missionaries from West Africa, whose life was in jeopardy on account of lung trouble and a severe cough, he now testifies has greatly benefited him. He has entirely recovered his health, married a wife, returned to his work in Africa, and taken his wife with him. Bishop WILLIAM TAYLOR, 150 Fifth Avenue, New York, N. Y. "Compound Oxygen.. Its Mode of Action and Results" is the title of a book of 200 pages published by Drs. Starkey & Palen, which gives to all inquirers full information as to this remarkable curative agent, and a record of surprising cures in a wide range of cases--many of them after being abandoned to die by other physicians. Will be mailed free to any address on application. Drs. STARKEY & PALEN, 1529 Arch St., Philadelphia, Pa. 120 Sutter St., San Francisco, Cal. Please mention this paper.

J. L. HEADLEY, CARPENTER AND JOB SHOP, OCEAN CITY, N. J. Job work promptly attended to. Turning, scroll sawing, window and door frames, and all kinds of millwork. Furniture repaired. Picture frames. Wheelwright shop attached. Net screens a specialty. Residence: West below 12th St. Mill, corner 10th and West.

D. GALLAGHER, DEALER IN FINE FURNITURE, 43 South Second Street, PHILADELPHIA, PA.

L. S. SMITH, CONTRACTOR IN

Grading, Graveling and Curbing.

PAINTING BY CONTRACT OR DAY. Eighth St. and Asbury Ave., OCEAN CITY, N. J.

Plasterers and Brick-Layers. W. STONEHILL. G. O. ADAMS. STONEHILL & ADAMS,

Plastering, Range Setting,

Brick Laying, &c. All work in mason line promptly attended to. OCEAN CITY, N. J.

Bakers, Grocers, Etc. JACOB SCHUFF, (Successor to A. E. Mahan,)

THE PIONEER BAKERY, No. 706 Asbury Avenue, OCEAN CITY, N. J. Fresh Bread, Pies and Cakes daily. Wedding Cakes a specialty. Orders delivered free of charge. Nothing delivered on Sunday.

SAM HOUSTON'S GENEROSITY. How the Famous Texan Treated a Man Who Had Settled on His Land.

Many are the stories told of Sam Houston, the first president and afterward the first representative from Texas. There was a stretch of country near Quincy, Ills., known as the "Indian tract." Sam Houston had title to a great deal of it, a real estate fact which it would seem many of the earlier settlers of that region--a careless pioneer brood--were unaware of. One of them came to Richardson, representative in congress at that time from the Quincy district, and asked him if he knew Sam Houston. Richardson said he did, whereupon his constituent confided to him that he had inadvertently settled on 160 acres of Houston's land, and that every dollar he was worth stood in the barns, houses, fences and other improvements on the land. He had just learned after living there eight years, that Houston had title to it, and that he did not. He wanted Richardson to see the conqueror of Mexico and make the best terms he could. As it stood, he was absolutely at Houston's mercy.

Richardson, on his return to congress, met Houston and told him the story. "And now, Houston," said Richardson, "the question is, what will you take and give this friend of mine a quit claim deed to that 160 acres?" "What sort of man is this constituent of yours who has blundered upon my land?" asked Houston. "Good, square, honest man," replied Richardson.

"When I turn him off my land," said Houston, "I reckon he and his family will be beggars." "Utterly ruined," responded Richardson. Houston thought a moment. "What's this farm worth now?" he asked. "Improvements and all, about $6,000." "What was the bare 160 acres worth when your fellow went on it?" "About $5 per acre--$800 in all."

"Good fellow, this man of yours, Richardson?"

"Best in the world."

"Tell him to send me $800, and I'll

make him a deed."

In the course of time on came the $800 in a New York draft. Richardson sought Houston, who promptly made a deed and handed it to Richardson. Then he took the draft, and after he had looked at it a moment turned it over and in-

dorsed it.

"You say, Richardson, this man of yours is a good fellow?" "First class man in every way," responded Richardson. "Send him back this draft," said Houston, "and tell him Sam Houston's changed his mind. What can he buy a good young horse for in that country, as good a saddle horse as you have out there?" "Two hundred dollars ought to do it," said Richardson. "Well, then," said Houston, "you give him back the draft and tell him to buy a first class saddle horse, about 4 years old, and keep him for me. When congress adjourns, I'll go home with you, and when I get my visit out I'll take the horse and ride him down to Texas."

Richardson complied with this new arrangement, and the man in Illinois received back his draft and bought a saddle horse. Just before adjournment Houston came over to Richardson. "That fellow that's got my horse out in Illinois, you say, is a tiptop good man?" "One of the best men in my district," replied Richardson. "Well," said Houston, with a sigh, "I would have liked first rate to see him and also my horse, but I've got to go straight to Texas, as affairs turn out. I'll tell you what to do, however, when you get home. Go over and see this man for me and say to him to sell the horse and do what he pleases with the money. And by the way, Richardson, I wish you'd write me and tell me if it was a good horse or not." The curious can read the copy of Sam Houston's deed to the 160 acres in the record of the Quincy land office.--Washington Star.

The Arctic Ocean. Lieutenant Colonel Sabine has noticed a striking resemblance in the topographical configuration of the northern coasts of America and Asia, the similitude beginning at Bering strait, whence a similar coast line is preserved, each having also an attendant group of islands, between which there is much similarity. These are the Parry islands pertaining to the first mentioned continent and the New Liberian group belonging to the latter. Even as to the latitude these islands preserve a resemblance. But what of the great interior of this polar ocean? This is all unknown. An opinion may be deduced from a careful inspection of a chart of the earth that this ocean has islands, and the fact that fowl are seen to penetrate toward the interior in great numbers is explainable on the hypothesis that they there find subsistence to invite them. On the other hand, they may fly directly across the polar area to similar parallels on the opposite side, and the fact that with the coming of the polar winter they come from the polar district is evidence that the subsistence, if there be any, is not so abundant as to tempt them to remain.

Again, only the nocturnal tribes would or could endure the long polar night, and even if there were polar islands bearing abundant subsistence common instinct and experience might impel all the day fowls to leave.--Pittsburg Dispatch.

PERSONAL BEAUTIFICATION. Some Curious Information on the Subject From a Famous Doctor. A correspondent has been interviewing Dr. Robert Fischer of Vienna, who is well known as an expert in all that pertains to cosmetics, and has obtained from him some curious information. "When is your regular season, doctor?" the correspondent asked. "Well, you see, I have a twofold season--the social and the individual. The former is the ball and party season. The latter depends upon the betrothal or marriage of individuals, and may coincide with any period of the year." "Marriage?" the correspondent asked in surprise. "Quite so--marriage. Numbers of mothers put their daughters through a whole course of beautification previous to launching them out in that sea of trouble. That's the time when the most elaborate preparations of the human frame are ordered and undertaken. I have a great deal more to do then than for the most fashionable balls of the year." Dr. Fischer went on to say: "I am asked perhaps to remove the rubicund tint from the tip of a Grecian nose where no amount of exuberant fancy will explain its presence as the result of a modest habit of blushing. I perform the operation without pain or difficulty, insisting upon a term of eight days, but then I do it thoroughly and once for all, and never again will the nose blush unless the rest of the face first gives the example. "Another time an islet of hairs on the face, an inconvenient tuft on the chin, cheek or neck, or else an impertinent mustache (which outweighs a good half of the fair one's dowry, and sometimes the whole round sum) has to be banished. We often have long engagements to Austria, with no breach of promise law to guarantee them, and during all that time a girl ought to be

growing better looking.

"The one taste which may be said to be universal in Vienna is a liking for

blond hair. It would seem to be innate,

like mischief and coquetry. Viennese

hair dyes are therefore mostly des-

tined to impart a rich golden color to the flowing tresses that are usually brown or black. Have I thus metamorphosed many dark beauties into blonds?

Countless bevies of them. And they have not a spark of practical gratitude

either; not a single one of them would ever recommend me to another as a friend who has been tried and not found

wanting. But that perhaps is human nature.

"Look at the innocent looking white

object, just like a waxlight," said Dr.

Fischer. "Could you guess what that is for? No? Well, I'll tell you. It is a tear

pump."

"A what?" our correspondent asked,

with a gasp.

"A tear pump. You seem overcome. Perhaps I have given it too drastic a name. Yes, people grow rapidly nervous in Vienna. Well, this innocent im-

plement is used for the purpose of irritating the lachrymal glands and producing tears--probably on days of mourning and such like occasions."

Thackeray on John Paul Jones.

"Traitor, if you will, was M. John Paul Jones, afterward a knight of his most Christian majesty's Order of Merit, but a braver traitor never wore a

sword."

Such were almost the last words

traced by the hand of Thackeray, and they show the astonishing misconception of Paul Jones which prevailed in the mind of one of the justest men that ever lived. Washington was a hero even to his enemies, yet Washington had ac-

tually held a commission in the British army, while Paul Jones could say to the American congress at the close of the war: "I have never borne arms under any but the American flag, nor have I ever borne or acted under any commission but that of the congress of Amer-

ica." This singular distinction against Paul Jones extended to the whole of the feeble naval force of the colonies. Sol- diers were treated from the beginning as prisoners of war, while until Paul Jones forced an exchange of prisoners upon equal terms American sailors were formally declared to be "traitors, pirates and felons."--"Paul Jones," by Molly Elliot Seawell, in Century.

Don't Use Big Words.

In promulgating your esoteric cogitations and in articulating your superficial

sentimentalities and amicable philosoph-

ical or psychological observations beware of platudinous ponderosity. Let

ware of platudinous ponderosity. Let your conversational communications possess a clarified consciousness, a compacted comprehensibleness, coalescent consistency and a concatenated cogency.

Eschew all conglomerations of flatulent garrulity, jejune bubblement and asinine effections. Let your extemporaneous decantings and unpremeditated expatiations have intelligibility and veracious vivacity without rhodomontade or thrasonical bombast. Sedulously avoid all polysyllabic profundity, pompous prolixity, psittaceous vacuity, ventriloquial verbosity and vaniloquent vapidity. Shun double ententes, prurient joviality and postiferous profanity, obscurant or apparent. In other words, talk plainly, briefly, naturally, sensibly, purely and truthfully. Keep from slang; don't put on airs; say what you mean; mean what you say and don't use big words.--Exchange.

McCLURE, HERITAGE & CO., Successors to Finnerty, McClure & Co., DRUGGISTS AND CHEMISTS 112 Market Street, Philadelphia. Dealers in Pure Drugs, Chemicals, Patent Medicines, Paints, Oils, etc.

HARRY HEADLEY,

OCEAN CITY HOUSE.

717 Asbury Avenue.

PLASTERING, BRICKLAYING.

Ornamental Work of Every Description. All kinds of cementing work and masonry promptly attended to.

E. CLINTON & CO., Manufacturers and Importers of BRUSHES, 1008 MARKET, and 8 S. TENTH ST., PHILADELPHIA, PA.

A Uhlan Deserter's Adventures. At the time of the Franco-German war a Uhlan belonging to the Fourth Uhlan regiment deserted. He was apprehended recently in Alsace and taken to his regiment. The Uhlan has been tried by court martial at Thorn for deserting the colors and sentenced to five years' incarceration in a fortress. He has been sent to Spandan to undergo the sentence. This Uhlan deserted made off at the time of the siege of Paris, fled to China and entered the Chinese army, in which he served for 14 years. Ten years after that he returned to Germany and obtained a situation as overseer in a manufactory in Alsace, which he retained up to the time he was arrested as a deserter.--London News.

Lion and Mouse. A mouse was put in the cage of a lion to test whether, as the old fables asserted, there was a natural affection between them. The experiment demonstrates that each was so afraid of the other that no affection could exist between them. The lion saw the mouse before he was fairly through the bars and was after him instantly. Away went the little fellow, scurrying across the floor and squeaking in fright. When he had gone about ten feet, the lion sprang, lighting a little in front of him. The mouse turned, and the lion sprang again. This was repeated several times, the mouse traversing a shorter distance after each spring of the lion. Finally the mouse stood still squealing and trembling. The lion stood over him, studying him with interest. Presently he shot out his big paw and brought it down directly on the mouse, but so gently that the mouse was not injured in the least, though held fast between the claws.

Then the lion played with him, now

lifting his paw and letting the mouse run a few inches, and then stopping him again as before. Suddenly the

mouse changed his tactics, and instead of running when the lion lifted his paw sprang into the air straight at the lion's head.

The lion, terrified, gave a great leap back, striking the bars with all his weight. Then he opened his jaws and roared and roared again, while the little

mouse, still squealing, made his escape.

Of the two the lion was the more fright-

ened.--Youth's Companion.

A Sure Way. Father--I'm getting tired of having that young Roller coming here and want it stopped. Daughter--I'm sure, father, I do all I can to discourage his visits. Father--Nonsense. I haven't heard you sing to him once.--Philadelphia Times.

The Stairs an Afterthought. The old story about building a house and forgetting the staircase, which has probably been worked off at the expense of every young architect who has been born since staircases were invented, was actually realized in the case of Montage

House, which the late dowager Duchess

of Bucclench made famous by her en-

tertainments. When the house was nearly finished, it was discovered that no means of reaching the upper floors had been provided, and the grand staircase

which had to be added considerably marred the arrangements of the man-sion.--London Figaro.

Patti's Voice. Patti's voice is of only moderate strength, there being several of greater power among the operatic singers of the present day, but the compass of her tones is extraordinary, reaching to F in alt, and her execution is exceedingly brilliant and polished. Her greatest vocal charm, however, lies in the sympathetic quality of her notes, a quality that instantly impresses every auditor. It is most apparent in the rendition of simple, well known songs, like "Home, Sweet Home" and "Comin Through the Rye," and in these she has achieved such success that, while her repertory comprise over 30 operas, her fame really rests on two or three familiar songs. She first appeared in opera in New York in 1852.

The Good Time Coming.

"Your husband is an exquisite housekeeper, Mrs. Banker," said the woman with pink rosettes in her bonnet. "Yes," replied Mrs. Banker, "he is indeed, and the queer part of it is he never had a broom in his hand until after we were married."--Louisville Courier-Journal.

Didn't Want Real Food. Theater Manager--You say you object to having real food on the table in the banquet scene, Mr. Greaspaynt? Why, the rest of the company are delighted with it! Mr. Greaspaynt--Yes, but my part requires me to rise from the table after a couple of mouthfuls and say: "I cannot eat tonight--a strange dread comes over me. I will seek the quiet of yonder apartment for a time."--New York Advertiser.